Why don't you just do it the traditional way? - Page 2

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by acp

I"m hoping to have a home birth instead of a hospital birth this time as well, but just wanted to comment to this poster that it IS possible (at least at the right hospitals) to keep interventions to a minimum even in a hospital. I had my first baby in a natural birth at a hospital, and they did only intermittent external fetal monitoring - for about 20 minutes when i first came in, but after that, just for a few minutes every hour, and they could even do it while I was laboring in a tub. No reason for me to lie back at all. They let me walk around, try different positions, etc. What helped was both choosing a hospital that I knew had a reputation as being better with natural births, and also having a midwife who could advocate for me and let the nurses know what I wanted. You DON'T need to have an internal monitor, or be forced to lie down and be still, even at a hospital. It just takes a little extra pushiness and knowing what you want sometimes.

While I agree with knowing what you want and having an advocate, such as a midwife or doula with you, if you read your own words "they let me" you have to acknowledge that the balance of power shifts when you enter a hospital. They are now in charge, not you, and they LET you do things... sometimes... if it doesn't freak them out... if they have a "nice" nurse on shift... if you have a "nice" OB or Midwife who will, again, "Let" you do things your own way.

Language is such a powerful thing. Consider when you are at home, or when you read of homebirth accounts, you will almost always here things in the first person... I walked around, I got in the tub, I squatted and birthed my baby.
There really is a HUGE difference between hospital and home birth.
Educating your DH as to the risks and benefits of both locations may help him to feel more comfortable about a homebirth. Talking to a HBMW and reading and watching videos should help too.

My DH is a HUGE homebirth advocate now, but when we were pregnant with #2, I suggested home birth and he said, oh NO, but what if something HAPPENS?
We laugh a little about that now, cause something DOES happen.... the baby comes out.
#3 he caught her! #4, I caught her!

HTH

[acp]

Originally Posted by fairydoula

While I agree with knowing what you want and having an advocate, such as a midwife or doula with you, if you read your own words "they let me" you have to acknowledge that the balance of power shifts when you enter a hospital. They are now in charge, not you, and they LET you do things... sometimes... if it doesn't freak them out... if they have a "nice" nurse on shift... if you have a "nice" OB or Midwife who will, again, "Let" you do things your own way.

Sorry, I don't think I was clear. I agree completely, and that's part of the reason why I want a home birth this time even though I adore my old midwife (who only practices in hospitals) and had a GREAT natural birth despite numerous complications in a hospital.
But the poster I was responding to had stated that a home birth was likely out of the question for her, and yet had described a hospital birth with WAY more interventions than are required even in most hospitals, if you know what to ask for, have a good advocate, and choose the hospital wisely. I just wanted to make sure she knew that you CAN have a hospital birth with far fewer interventions than she had the last time.

[mom2sol]

I want to hear more of this story... You went to the hospital in labor, but had both of your children at home? Did it suck so much you left to go have the baby at home

It's a funny story! Especially the part when I'm in full on labor walking out of the hospital doors. The looks I got were priceless!

I'll try and give you the abbreviated version: Labor started and I was having some unusually bloody show. I went in to see my midwife and she wasn't sure what to make of it but didn't feel the placenta lying on my cervix. We decided if things got worse I should go get an emergency u/s just to be safe.
The blood got worse and it was clotty as well, so we headed in. I was in full-blown labor, was convinced I was never getting out of there. I had the worst emergency room check-in experience- in labor with an impatient intake person not understanding that I wasn't able to give out ss#'s and have a contraction at the same time!
Had to wait forever in the luxurious "birthing suite" they put me in. Several nurses told me how they would want to give birth there. I'm looking around at a bare room with hospital bed and linoleum floor, thinking- are you guys all nutso? Where does a girl squat around here???? Besides my big, deep birth tub was back at home!
Any way- one mean nurse who was fixated on fetal monitor and my lying back in the hospital bed, one nice nurse who brought out birthing ball and was willing to walk around to get a reading.... a couple of hours and labor completely stalled out- the nurses didn't like my contractions, thought they were "grumpy". They actually used the term grumpy. Finally I got the u/s and they couldn't find a damn thing wrong. I wasn't bleeding, the placenta was in a good spot, baby was fine and dandy so the Ob looked at me and said, "do you want to go home?" and I said, "YES, PLEASE!". So home I went. I literally jumped in the back of the car and said drive! DH drove home, I jumped in the birth tub, relaxed and out she popped an hour later with out a tear- All 9lb 13 ounces of her. The easiest birth!

Needless to say, the experience didn't help to change my view about giving birth in hospitals. Stalled labor... inability to get in a good position to birth my big girl in, mean nurses, etc.... etc....

Hopefully I'll never have to go back (while in labor!).

[wirewendy]

Sounds like you were at an old-school hospital. Funny how oftentimes the stress of a birth is only half labor. The other half is fighting off the medics.

Don't get frustrated with your dh. He just wants the absolute best outcome. Reassure him.

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by acp

Sorry, I don't think I was clear. I agree completely, and that's part of the reason why I want a home birth this time even though I adore my old midwife (who only practices in hospitals) and had a GREAT natural birth despite numerous complications in a hospital.
But the poster I was responding to had stated that a home birth was likely out of the question for her, and yet had described a hospital birth with WAY more interventions than are required even in most hospitals, if you know what to ask for, have a good advocate, and choose the hospital wisely. I just wanted to make sure she knew that you CAN have a hospital birth with far fewer interventions than she had the last time.

It could have been me not understanding you too, I'm pretty short on sleep.

I firmly believe that in MOST hospitals in the US it is virtually impossible to get no or very few interventions in your birth, unless A. you have a precipitous labor, less than 2 hours, there's very little time to "mess" with you, B. you have excellent support staff, your own hired doula or midwife who is able to effectively communicate with hospital staff and or C. you or your spouse are well informed AND well able to fend off all the various attacks that come in the form of "well, don't you want a healthy baby" i.e. the "dead baby" card that many health care professionals, whether they admit it or not, use to "scare" women into compliance with their protocols or policies.

It's NOT about what is best for each individual woman laboring in a hospital.
WOMEN MUST KNOW THIS!
It is about what is BEST FOR THAT PARTICULAR HOSPITAL and OBGYN. It is often about ass-covering. It is often about liability. It is often about being able to say in court "I did everything medically possible". It is often about what their insurance carriers insist upon. It is about money, power and not getting sued.

Women need to WAKE UP and STOP LYING to themselves and saying "oh, but not MY doctor... he's wonderful!"
Dr. Wonderful was trained in the pathology of birth and labor. When you HAVE pathology, in other words, when something really IS wrong, then it is very valuable to have Dr. Wonderful on your team, if you need an emergency section or you have medical issues that are complicating your normal physiological event (labor/birth) then that's what OB's are useful for.
When you DO NOT have pathology, in other words, when you have a normal, straighforward birth with normal variations in length, pain tolerances, fatigue, but when all is within NORMAL parameters, Dr. Wonderful really doesn't have any business within 100 yards of you. Dr. Wonderful is NOT NEEDED.
All a normal, healthy birthing mother needs is SUPPORT. A doula, a midwife, a friend, a husband, a partner... those people who love her, who have gotten to know her, who have forged a bond with her. Those with whom she can relax and be herself and be in charge. Those she can TRUST.

Women.... you are NOT likely to have a normal, un-interferred with birth in a US hospital today. Start educating yourselves.
Stop reading that drivel about what you can expect and start learning the truth about what really happens every day. What is happening today, right now, as you're reading this. What happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow.
Read "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. It's cheap, on Amazon. Read Mardsen Wagner's book "Born in the USA". It is also cheap, on Amazon. Read "Immaculate Deception" by Suzanne Arms. Read books by Ina May Gaskin, by Michel Odent, by others in the birth field who know the TRUTH and are not afraid to stand up and SAY it.

Man... there is SO much information out there. NO woman birthing today can say "I didn't know..." with a clear conscience. You can get most of these books at the library for FREE. If you can't GET to the library, many communities have groups or organizations that will bring library books to you, if you're housebound or just don't have transportation. You can contact local LLL, doulas, midwives, many will be willing to bring you books, help you search for answers.

I know I'm up on my soapbox again, but I guess I will have to keep on standing up on it, as long as women need to hear it.

Don't just be a sheeple and go along with whatever your dr. wonderful says. EDUCATE yourself! It's your body, it's your baby, it's your birth. Don't cheat yourself! Find out what's best, what's right, what resonates with you and DO it. BE strong. BE empowered. Surround yourself with those who are also strong and empowered and who believe in you and the power of your body.

- Jen
out of breath for now, but wait till I catch it! lol

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by mom2sol

It's a funny story! Especially the part when I'm in full on labor walking out of the hospital doors. The looks I got were priceless!

I'll try and give you the abbreviated version: Labor started and I was having some unusually bloody show. I went in to see my midwife and she wasn't sure what to make of it but didn't feel the placenta lying on my cervix. We decided if things got worse I should go get an emergency u/s just to be safe.
The blood got worse and it was clotty as well, so we headed in. I was in full-blown labor, was convinced I was never getting out of there. I had the worst emergency room check-in experience- in labor with an impatient intake person not understanding that I wasn't able to give out ss#'s and have a contraction at the same time!
Had to wait forever in the luxurious "birthing suite" they put me in. Several nurses told me how they would want to give birth there. I'm looking around at a bare room with hospital bed and linoleum floor, thinking- are you guys all nutso? Where does a girl squat around here???? Besides my big, deep birth tub was back at home!
Any way- one mean nurse who was fixated on fetal monitor and my lying back in the hospital bed, one nice nurse who brought out birthing ball and was willing to walk around to get a reading.... a couple of hours and labor completely stalled out- the nurses didn't like my contractions, thought they were "grumpy". They actually used the term grumpy. Finally I got the u/s and they couldn't find a damn thing wrong. I wasn't bleeding, the placenta was in a good spot, baby was fine and dandy so the Ob looked at me and said, "do you want to go home?" and I said, "YES, PLEASE!". So home I went. I literally jumped in the back of the car and said drive! DH drove home, I jumped in the birth tub, relaxed and out she popped an hour later with out a tear- All 9lb 13 ounces of her. The easiest birth!

Needless to say, the experience didn't help to change my view about giving birth in hospitals. Stalled labor... inability to get in a good position to birth my big girl in, mean nurses, etc.... etc....

Hopefully I'll never have to go back (while in labor!).

That is a HILARIOUS story! Good for you leaving! YAY!
I love the term "grumpy". I suppose I'd have to go to RN school to be able to use that term, though. I'm just a lowly midwife student, so I have to be careful if I want to use a technical term like grumpy. Perhaps I could say the contractions are just irritable? maybe they're just tired? or just slightly annoyed, but not grumpy?
hahaha
- Jen

[kai28]

Where I live (ex-burbs, I guess you'd call them), the closest decent hospital is 30 minutes away (no traffic). There don't seem to be many midwives around, but there are a few that may be willing to come to my area. I'm not really comfortable with the home birth idea because of the distance from the hospital, and honestly, I'm not so sure about the ambulance service in my town (think: bumbling idiots, although thats probably not fair - but my neighbors son had to go to the ER via ambulance, and they got LOST trying to meet another ambulance to transfer her son to get him to the hospital - I don't know what the story was with THAT, but I'd like to avoid dealing with them regardless). There are no birthing centers within an hour's drive. In light of this, I've opted for that hospital that is 30 minutes away, so that I'm already there. I've toured the hospital - they've just opened their new birthing center (last month)- all private delivery & recovery rooms, with beds for the dads built right in. Birthing tubs. Wireless fetal monitoring so we can walk around (wireless internet, too, although I can't really imagine why). little kitchenettes. I know several friends who gave birth there within the past year, and no complaints. The nurses have a great reputation. I'm thinking of finding a doula, just to give my husband & I some moral support to get our way.

How does a doula or a midwife work in a hospital setting? Do you have to find one that is affiliated somehow with the hospital? Do you have to have her cleared so she can come in, or when you go in to deliver to you just point to her and say "she's with me"?

I should mention that there is one birthing center I had been considering in the city, but the idea of having to drive an hour (each way) to each prenatal appointment was unappealing in the winter. I was reading some reviews, and they seemed to be very quick to hand off any sort of complication (understandable) - but the hospital they hand you off to is definately not a place I'd be comfortable delivering my baby. It's got kind of a bad reputation, and no woman who was handed off to the hospital had anything other than very negative reactions. If there's a chance I'd be handed off and sent to the bad hospital, I'd rather just stick with my good hospital from the get-go.

What would you consider a reasonable distance for driving to a birthing center? What's a reasonable distance from the home to the hospital if you were going to home birth? Am I possibly over-reacting with regard our distance from the hospital? My in-laws seemed shocked that the hospital was a half-hour away, and I had to explain that there ISN'T one closer (not one that delivers babies, anyway).

[wobblykate]

Sounds like a well-reasoned choice to me. It's sad that there aren't more choices in your area, but I'm sure you'll do the best you can with the resources at hand! Hiring a Doula to be the "Bad Guy" with pushy nurses or drs. might not be a bad idea.
GL :

[acp]

kai28, it's different in every state, but usually there are specific midwives and doctors with privileges at certain hospitals. if you've decided that's the hospital you want to go to,I'd call them or ask other people (or post in finding my tribe for your area) and find out what midwives deliver there and see if you can talk to any people who have used them. I really believe that if you're going to go with a hospital birth you want the best possible midwife working with you, someone who knows your desires and will advocate for you and not let the hospital bully you into certain things you may not want.
Given what you describe, I dont' think I would want to drive an hour to the birthing center (that you may not be able to deliver in) and for all your appointments, etc, either.
I actually don't think 30 minutes to the hospital is terrible for a home birth, but I can understand not being comfortable with it, and it sounds like you like the hospital option. I would suggest really researching and getting a good midwife or midwife practice, though, and probably a doula as well...

[dawncayden]

The main thing is to birth in a place YOU feel comfortable. If that is at home, so be it, if it's at the hospital, then so be it.

I'm birthing at home for a second time and the hospital is 30 minutes away by car, I'm sure by ambulance it would be much shorter though.