offensive??

[Telle Bear]

Ok I will try to keep this as simple as I can.

My cousin has a son about a year older than my oldest. When I first had my son she was standing next to me when I was changing his diaper and she noticed that he was intact. We talked about it a little and she admitted that she really didn't want to have her son circed, but her husband insisted. It was a really sad conversation and I could see the pain that it caused her. (ps-he has MAJOR control issues)

Fast forward to this weekend. There was family gathering and she brought it up. Both my sons and her son and other kids were there in ear shot and she brings RIC up. She asks what we did!!!! I'm thinking that maybe she forgot our conversation since it was almost three years ago. I simply say we didn't do that to our sons and that I don't even want to talk about it since it makes my stomach turn. Her husband starts going off!! I tried to stay calm, I know I can get VERY heated about this.

he says "your son is more likely to get std's"
I say " circ'd or not you should teach your children sex ed"
he says" he will look diferent than everyone"
I say " that is not completely true and the numbers are changing"(ps- I happen to know that their son was the only cut kid there!!!)

he says..IT"S JUST GROSS!!!!

I say"well ignorance is bliss"

My dad interupted seeing that it was getting heated, and changed the subject.

So my issue is this...HOW DARE HE INSULT MY CHILD!!! Not only to me and my husband, but where the boys could hear him. Now my son is only 2 1/2, but my brother who is intact is 9. Who the hell does this guy think he is.
I would never think to offend a child cut or not cut. I would never talk about his poor sons mutilated penis (when his son could hear me).
I find that people who circ have no problem being offensive and hurtful. Is it me or have other people come across this?

[Ruthie's momma]

It does seem true. What is worse is the fact that pro-circers don't even know why they are so "for it." It makes no sense! I was talking about circ with my Father (he was born in Germany and was not circ). He told me of a humiliating experience in which a male nurse and doc laughed at him upon examination. This was back during a pre-employment physical right out of college. This was over 40 years ago and my Father still remembers it with embarassment! He had never thought much about the subject prior to that incident. The subject came up because of a conversation I had with my MIL and SIL about circ. SIL is an RN. She was complaining about how irritating non-circ parents are...My MIL then claimed the usual...about it being necessary, and all. My DH and I decided when, and if, we ever conceive a boy we wil keep him intact (DH isn't).

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

how irritating non-circ parents are

I am curious about what she ment by that? Irritating as in they talk about being pro intact or what?

[perspective]

Originally Posted by Telle Bear

Ok I will try to keep this as simple as I can.

My cousin has a son about a year older than my oldest. When I first had my son she was standing next to me when I was changing his diaper and she noticed that he was intact. We talked about it a little and she admitted that she really didn't want to have her son circed, but her husband insisted. It was a really sad conversation and I could see the pain that it caused her. (ps-he has MAJOR control issues)

Fast forward to this weekend. There was family gathering and she brought it up. Both my sons and her son and other kids were there in ear shot and she brings RIC up. She asks what we did!!!! I'm thinking that maybe she forgot our conversation since it was almost three years ago. I simply say we didn't do that to our sons and that I don't even want to talk about it since it makes my stomach turn. Her husband starts going off!! I tried to stay calm, I know I can get VERY heated about this.

he says "your son is more likely to get std's"
I say " circ'd or not you should teach your children sex ed"
he says" he will look diferent than everyone"
I say " that is not completely true and the numbers are changing"(ps- I happen to know that their son was the only cut kid there!!!)

he says..IT"S JUST GROSS!!!!

I say"well ignorance is bliss"

My dad interupted seeing that it was getting heated, and changed the subject.

So my issue is this...HOW DARE HE INSULT MY CHILD!!! Not only to me and my husband, but where the boys could hear him. Now my son is only 2 1/2, but my brother who is intact is 9. Who the hell does this guy think he is.
I would never think to offend a child cut or not cut. I would never talk about his poor sons mutilated penis (when his son could hear me).
I find that people who circ have no problem being offensive and hurtful. Is it me or have other people come across this?

Personally I would write a letter, saying that you are hurt, because he personally offended you, and that he insulted your children in the most personal way, with them in ear shot.

Tell him that there is absolutely nothing wrong with natural male body, and you have no idea why someone would yell out so irrationally at you in a conversation. If he has a problem with the male body, then thats fine, "but please NEVER bring your issues with the male body into my house again."

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by Telle Bear

Ok I will try to keep this as simple as I can.

My cousin has a son about a year older than my oldest. When I first had my son she was standing next to me when I was changing his diaper and she noticed that he was intact. We talked about it a little and she admitted that she really didn't want to have her son circed, but her husband insisted. It was a really sad conversation and I could see the pain that it caused her. (ps-he has MAJOR control issues)

Fast forward to this weekend. There was family gathering and she brought it up. Both my sons and her son and other kids were there in ear shot and she brings RIC up. She asks what we did!!!! I'm thinking that maybe she forgot our conversation since it was almost three years ago. I simply say we didn't do that to our sons and that I don't even want to talk about it since it makes my stomach turn. Her husband starts going off!! I tried to stay calm, I know I can get VERY heated about this.

he says "your son is more likely to get std's"
I say " circ'd or not you should teach your children sex ed"
he says" he will look diferent than everyone"
I say " that is not completely true and the numbers are changing"(ps- I happen to know that their son was the only cut kid there!!!)

he says..IT"S JUST GROSS!!!!

I say"well ignorance is bliss"

My dad interupted seeing that it was getting heated, and changed the subject.

So my issue is this...HOW DARE HE INSULT MY CHILD!!! Not only to me and my husband, but where the boys could hear him. Now my son is only 2 1/2, but my brother who is intact is 9. Who the hell does this guy think he is.
I would never think to offend a child cut or not cut. I would never talk about his poor sons mutilated penis (when his son could hear me).
I find that people who circ have no problem being offensive and hurtful. Is it me or have other people come across this?

See the thing is that in some sense your son, and any of the other intact boys running around, represent the walking contradiction. They're intact, healthy, and happy. He had his son circumcised because he bought into exaggerated myths, fears, and lies and now he is defensive about that position. As your son grows he'll continue to see how silly those reasons were and his 'choice' appears more ridiculous.

I agree you should either have a conversatin or send a letter or something.

[Telle Bear]

I also wondered if it makes his own son feel GROSS about his body..like something was wrong with him when we was born...

[cherri0196]

First off im sorry your cousin's DH(?) went off on you like that, what an @hole!! and complete idiot! so ((((HUGS)))) for that.

I do notice that Intactivits NEVER get offensive when this come's up no matter how rude/ignorant people are but its always the "pro-circ" parents that get so easily offended!! (humm....wonder why)

IMO i would sit down with your cousin and tell her that when her DH did/said was completely uncalled for and that you don't ever want to hear that kind of negative stuff around your children, if he want's to talk about it like a grown adult instead of a blubbering 2 year old, you would be more then happy to discuss it in private. (((((HUGS)))) to you!! and I hope this never happens again, you have every right to be p*ssed!

[KristyDi]

I'm sorry he was so . . .unpleasant.

I had a thought. Is it possible she was hoping you would help educate her DH? Could it be that she asked the question knowing the answer and hoping her DH would listen to someone else because she doesn't want to circ any future sons?

If so, talking to him or writing him might be even more important.

[hakunangovi]

I had exactly the same thought - that it was her way of opening the subject up , hoping that her DH would get an education. Unfortunately his mind is closed.