|Originally posted by oatmeal
I guess this issue is coming to a head for us a lot earlier than I thought. I have been crying a lot today over it. Seeing her distraught that way and hollering desperately for a daddy who doesn't exist is more than gut wrenching. It's hard to describe how deeply and horribly it hurts me to see it, and to realize I have given her this life....<snip> I feel so awful that this is her deal in life. I feel like I would die to change it for her.
Oatmeal! Sweetheart!!!! There are so many worse things than being a child of a loving, attached single mother (and, ahem, I am one of those children and supremely qualified to say so!!!!
) I understand that Normajean was probably trying to help, although I'm baffled as to the helpfulness of her posting that studies show that the best situation is the one you aren't in. Huh? That's advice??
: The point being, it IS the situation you're in, and I think that it will have its drawbacks and its advantages.
Children--yes, even children of two parent homes--form strong attachments to people who will not always reciprocate their ardor. It's hurtful. It's hard to watch. It's life. Children throw their whole heart into things.
I think that you are reading too much into her "daddy! daddy!" and crying when he goes into his room. She simply doesn't have the depth of intellect that you have in projecting those thoughts and emotions onto her. My dd cries when the dog next door goes into his apartment and shuts the door. Does my dd think the dog is her relative and is ignoring her? Does she think we all live together as a family because we're in an apartment building? No.
Your dd, sweet little heart that she sounds like, knows nothing but her own situation. She is nowhere near old enough to think "all the other children have daddies, where's mine???" You are her constant, loving guide through life, and that is more than enough. It is wonderful. Saying that children of two-parent male-female parents are the healthiest is wildly oversimplistic because there are so many, many variables. It's also irrelevant, because it's not your situation, and there's no reason that you aren't going to have one of the most fantastic children on the planet.
I spent my early childhood in commune-type situations--living with several roommates and my single mama in Hawaii, living with her and several roommates in a big loft in New York. I formed attachments, and sometimes I was sad when people moved or we moved or they left or they didn't return my affection. But it taught me the range of love and it taught me about friendship and I'm just fine today. So please, stop beating yourself up here!!! You're infusing this situation with your own emotions, and that's okay, but don't confuse your emotions with your daughter's.