ABA or No Way? - Page 2

[Proverbs31]

Its complicated because he has the big vocab of a child who is more on the mild end of the spectrum, but in most other areas he has the characteristics of more severe autism...

I hadn't thougt about it before but I guess the sewer thing is presenting a danger because he will literally dart right into the street or parking lot if he sees one. Dh and I are proactive and try to anticipate it, but I worry what could happen if... especially since its usually just me out with ds and baby.

[LoveChild421]

Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy

from my standpoint, as an autistic and as a parent of an autistic;
I see no point in redirecting "weird" behaviors, save your energy for redirecting and educating about harmful behaviors. We're always going to be weird, you can't "therapy" that away. Help him stay safe, help him do what he wants to do, the weird part is just always going to be there (and rightly so)

Thank you for that. I feel like that's where I am with ds1. I got so tired of his teachers at his speech center school trying to "maintain boundaries" and "keep authority" and redirect every single little harmless thing that I took him out and now he's doing one on one speech therapy with a really laid back teacher who knows my goal is for him to improve communication, not become the perfect "sit in a desk and color until I say stop" student.

[Proverbs31]

Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy

I still have all (or most) of my fixations from when I was a kid (the ones I can remember from age 4 at least). The computer one, cryptography, and probabilities ones pay the bills, the chewing on clothes one I redirected by myself with gum, the car/engine one is what allows me to fix my own (and other people's) vehicles or at least not get "taken" at the mechanic. The super hero one is satisfyed with all the blockbuster movies and shows hollywood has bestowed on us of late.

So what if my parents had asked themselves: Who is going to be friends with a kid who only wants to stare at a computer screen? Who is going to be friends with a kid who only wants to talk about the rocker arm ratio for a pushrod motor? Who is going to be friends with a kid who only wants to talk about mutant powers?

Well I go to the Drag strip on the weekend sometimes, and there are plenty of people who could talk about the valvetrain of a motor untill they are blue in the face. There are plenty of people at my work who love to hear about tweaking the AI on our probabilities algorithms.

If you try to change who you are in order to attract friends, you will never attract real friends. If you try/succeed in changing someone else so that they can attract friends, they will never have real friends OR be able/allowed to acknowledge their real selves.

Helping someone be comfortable is one thing, but taking charge/control of someone else's personality in order for them to meet your social goals seems really dangerous to me.

I absolutely agree! Am I safe in saying that the goal should be to channel his fixation into a useful activity, instead of trying to curtail it? His other fixation is doors, and we aways joke that he can always fall back on being a doorman in the city; they've got a union and everything!

[ShaggyDaddy]

Originally Posted by Proverbs31

I absolutely agree! Am I safe in saying that the goal should be to channel his fixation into a useful activity, instead of trying to curtail it? His other fixation is doors, and we aways joke that he can always fall back on being a doorman in the city; they've got a union and everything!

I like the way you think seriously people don't see that someone somewhere is making money off being completely obsessed with doors, and they design doors for home depot, or install doors, or open doors, or wash them. There are a million positive things your child can do with a door obsession, and all of them are better than teaching him to constantly restrain his feelings about doors just becuase most people don't share that feeling.

A doorman who does it because there is a union and he can eek out a living opening a door will have a significantly less happy life than a doorman who wakes up every morning with gleeful anticipation of each creek, each swing, each pull, and each satisfying pressure change at the closure of his door. I would venture to say that those of us who are lucky/stubborn/obsessed enough to make a living doing exactly what we are fixated on are some of the most job-satisfied people on the planet.

Having said all that, I am not sure what the average parent will see as their role in a child's fixation. Personally I don't really feel the need to push Jet toward any more productive utilization of his fixations, and indeed neither did my parents for me. The last thing I want to do is take something he loves, then modify it for "productivity" so much that he loses interest in something he truely loves.

[mykdsmomy]

Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy

If you try to change who you are in order to attract friends, you will never attract real friends. If you try/succeed in changing someone else so that they can attract friends, they will never have real friends OR be able/allowed to acknowledge their real selves.

You are very wise!!!!