Transition to school Hard.........FOR ME!

[ellesmama]

So it has been 2 weeks, and DD Loves (!) her montessori school. She loves her teacher, her "work", her friends, her snacktime.

I am so happy for her, but still lost..... I wasn't expecting to feel like this. I feel like I don't have much of a job right now. We basically did homeschool preschool before this, and I really enjoyed our time of exploring together, learning together, and even having tantrums together. I still have the little one at home with me--she is 2---but, honestly, so far it has been really boring while the older one is at school.

I miss our really close relationship.
I miss the flow of our day before. (Going to the library together, the museum...)
I miss her playing with her sister and me.

I just miss her.

I'm not really looking for solutions, I trust in the process of Life that this feeling is what is the truth right now, and I don't want to run from it.

I just wonder if anyone else has experienced more of a difficulty than they were expecting with their kid in school.

Thanks for listening.

[Jilian]

YES! DS1 started montessori about 3 weeks ago and it feels really weird to not have him here. I'm home with DS2 and it sometimes feels boring. I miss DS1 and although this sounds silly I feel like I am less his mother now that he's in school for so long. I know these feelings are normal but I wasn't expecting them either. I'm sure with time it will get easier.

[ellesmama]

It is nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

I agree that it is normal, and that it will probably get better with time.

I just have to be patient and open to having a new relationship with my DD.

We'll see..

(On a side note: Your baby's story is so amazing.......and the photos so beautiful. Thanks for being willing to share that with total strangers-like me. It really touched me and reminded of what is important. And my face and shirt are wet with tears!)

[nkm1968]

I give my residents in child and adolescent psychiatry an old article written by a child psychoanalyst, Ms. Erna Furman, entitled "Mothers Have to Be There to be Left", which in essence speaks to the need for mothers to consciously mourn the loss of an earlier more dependant relationship that their children have had, in order to free themselves to truly celebrate the new relationship that develops and feel proud of the new independence. If I can find it online I will post a link, but although I am not a psychoanalyst, this article has helped me immensely each time i have to be there to be left, and to allow myself to feel sad so that I can be present to the joy in the new dynamic.

It ain't easy though, mama, even for shrinks.

[KBecks]

I made it through last week without crying, although I have been a bit of a stress bunny over all the changes to our routine and adapting to the schedule and getting ready for a new baby to arrive. I think my oldest is going great at school, but I was hugely disappointed when the papers that were sent home were not his, and when I found out he was not included in sharing time because his item was in his backpack.

It all worked out OK, I think the teacher is great, classroom is great, my son is adapting to the new environment, but I felt so stressed over several things (some worrying about school, and some worrying about other life things.)

Anyway, I'm glad the first week is done! We're all getting used to the changes.

I have a 2 year old at home and so I haven't had to deal with the aloneness, thankfully.

[CityParkMom]

I am in the exact same boat. I do get lonely sometimes..but I spend the afternoons w/ my older DD (when the little one is napping) & I feel like we do get some time to connect. Hang in there..

[ellesmama]

I would be interested in reading that article, if you ever do find it.

I feel like I am in mourning, of sorts. For sure, the life situation we had before and that relationship is definitely gone. So, I guess it makes sense to mourn. The first week, I left myself cry as much as I wanted, and I was so surprised by how many tears came. (Of course, not in front of DD.) I am just surprised by the level of the emotions that have come with this transition. And there is no place to really express this (except here) without someone trying to "fix" it for me or looking at me like I am too sensitive/sentimental--like "just get over it!".

It is the third week of school now, and I've been done crying for awhile, but I still do miss our old life, and haven't found a new flow yet.

I am so grateful for this chance to just say what is on my heart.

[nkm1968]

Here is the article reference...

Furman, E. (1982) Mothers have to be there to be left. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child; 37: 15-28.

I couldn't find anywhere as PDF including from our online library at the U where I'm at.....but a good librarian should be able to interlibrary find one for you.

[LukesMum]

I am sooo feeling this which is why I am sitting here at my computer at 11:08 am about to cry! My ds (8) and dd(5) just started a wonderful International School here in Geramny after 2 years of homeschooling in the Middle East. HSing is illegal here. Thye like the school and their friends, but I dont think they are getting the tailored academics they got with me and I REALLY miss them. I think that it's very good for them and they are happy. so, for me, what next?>>>>>>>