A little emotional support needed.

[iana703]

Teary evening for me so far. Someone who we told we were pregnant last month when we thought we were told DH that they were glad I wasn't pregnant because we can really grow and get our life together. This is someone that DH goes to for advice a lot and I am sure it was well meant but now that I am pregnant I feel like no one is happy about this baby but me. Not even dh is really happy, we compromised to have two he only wanted one.

I want to be happy about this pregnancy especially since this will likely be my last. I did not take the time to enjoy the last one but I really want to take the time and treasure this. My family thinks I am too young and have wasted my life or that I am following my moms footsteps. There is a lot of history there but anyway no one takes my feelings into account. I want this baby. I am thrilled to be pregnant and I would have three or four more children DH willing. I have loved babies since I was young and I am studying to be a midwife so I can keep helping life into this world. I cried about this and its one of the reasons I am not telling anyone right now. DH basically told me I am emotional because I am pregnant and I should get over it and be happy for myself. Is that the answer because its hard to do since no one irl is supportive of me?

[ColoradoMama]

I'm so sorry that the people in your life aren't being supportive. Babies are amazing and deserve to be celebrated. You're a great mom and you're going to be a great mom to this baby, too. Guys seem to want to "fix" things - I know my dh does it all the time. Maybe that's his way of trying to make it "better?" I wish I knew what to say to make it feel better for you. If it helps - I'm super happy for you.

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by iana703

Teary evening for me so far. Someone who we told we were pregnant last month when we thought we were told DH that they were glad I wasn't pregnant because we can really grow and get our life together. This is someone that DH goes to for advice a lot and I am sure it was well meant but now that I am pregnant I feel like no one is happy about this baby but me. Not even dh is really happy, we compromised to have two he only wanted one.

I want to be happy about this pregnancy especially since this will likely be my last. I did not take the time to enjoy the last one but I really want to take the time and treasure this. My family thinks I am too young and have wasted my life or that I am following my moms footsteps. There is a lot of history there but anyway no one takes my feelings into account. I want this baby. I am thrilled to be pregnant and I would have three or four more children DH willing. I have loved babies since I was young and I am studying to be a midwife so I can keep helping life into this world. I cried about this and its one of the reasons I am not telling anyone right now. DH basically told me I am emotional because I am pregnant and I should get over it and be happy for myself. Is that the answer because its hard to do since no one irl is supportive of me?

Hi! I haven't seen you on the studen midwifery thread... come over and join us! Midwifery Students 2008
I'm sorry you're not feeling supported. ENJOY your pregnancy and take care of YOU and try to let go of feelings towards others who may seem unsupportive. They might not be, your perceptions can be skewed by your emotions, by your own experiences, by what you think they think, etc. Maybe that was just that one person's way of trying to be helpful when it turned out you weren't pregnant. Maybe they were trying to be consoling?
It's always easier to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's easier on YOU and them!!!
HTH
- Jen

no longer a member of this club. MC 9-6-08

[the_lissa]

I'm sorry iana.
It must be pretty lonely.

I'm happy for you.

[lotus.blossom]

I'm sorry too!! Is there any backstory to why this person may have not been excited about your news? Do they have children? Were they young parents? Everyone has an opinion and its based on their own life experiences. Please don't let someone elses negativity affect you in this exciting time.

I can tell you that this DDC will be an excellent support group for you and you can just forget about the people IRL that aren't excited.

[itsang]

i don't get people who think it's their place to judge when/why/how others have kids. they have no right. i'm sorry that you are going through this. i am also sorry that your DH isn't being as emotionally supportive as you need...i hope that can change for you very soon. we are here for you.

[PaytonPlace]

Great advice so far.

Maybe that was just that one person's way of trying to be helpful when it turned out you weren't pregnant. Maybe they were trying to be consoling?

Totally agree w/ this. I think people sometimes say things that come off the wrong way in these situations.

Hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy!

[iana703]

Originally Posted by fairydoula

Hi! I haven't seen you on the studen midwifery thread... come over and join us! Midwifery Students 2008
I'm sorry you're not feeling supported. ENJOY your pregnancy and take care of YOU and try to let go of feelings towards others who may seem unsupportive. They might not be, your perceptions can be skewed by your emotions, by your own experiences, by what you think they think, etc. Maybe that was just that one person's way of trying to be helpful when it turned out you weren't pregnant. Maybe they were trying to be consoling?
It's always easier to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's easier on YOU and them!!!
HTH
- Jen

no longer a member of this club. MC 9-6-08

Sorry about your loss , I am not on MDC much I will go check that out. And thanks for all the hugs everyone.

Unfortunately it is not just this one person. My entire family talked to me about what I was doing and how it was not a good decision and that I should be back in school blah, blah, blah. My grandmother who was the most upset when I was pregnant with dd has given us the most so far. She basically bought everything we needed to take care of her (crib, carseat, clothes), and she stayed with us to watch her when I had to return to work. When I told her last month she said that she was really disappointed that I wasn't going back to school to get a degree and taking care of myself ie. working. No one sees my goal of being a midwife as good enough because I originally wanted to be an OB. They don't think that being a doula and teaching childbirth education is a "real job". I make good money and I am extremely happy with my life, happier then I have ever been. I know that they will come around but its getting to me that my family can be so negative and seemingly unsupportive especially since I feel completely the opposite. My immediate family had kids really close together so we are all older no young children. I am the second oldest and out of the 25 of my cousins only 3 of us have kids. But only one out of them kids is as independent as me and she doesn't have kids. My husband and I are doing well. We own property, have multiple businesses and are fairly successful especially compared to them.

My DH's family was happy last month. I think that because his family isn't so large, they all have small children and he will be 30 so its the time in his life to do this. I know my MIL will be thrilled this baby is due near her birthday. Maybe I should just count on that. I will be 23 in a few months so my family thinks I am wasting my life, le sigh.

[txbikegrrl]

Like PPs said, don't worry about what others think, you know in your heart what's best for you. It sounds like your family thinks they know what's best and truly wants the best for you but maybe because their life was hard having kids young they are basing thoughts on their experience(s).

I know for myself I thought it was best to go to college and finish PhD before TTC now I think what a lot of time we wasted so if someone asked my opinion I'd say if you really want kids have them you can always go to school at the same time or later. But again based on my experience and who cares about my opinion anyway.

As for being an OB sometimes families get caught up in someone becoming a doctor but it sounds like you changed your mind that is not your dream anymore if that's the case obviously you need to pursue your dreams. I can tell you that my friends who are MDs are living much more comfortable lives than we are two PhDs with a lot of debt but at least you won't have the debt and you'll have a fullfilling career and you're already successful...

[ColoradoMama]

Originally Posted by iana703

My DH's family was happy last month. I think that because his family isn't so large, they all have small children and he will be 30 so its the time in his life to do this. I know my MIL will be thrilled this baby is due near her birthday. Maybe I should just count on that.

: You know, if your family isn't happy for you and happy about this beautiful new soul that is going to bless their lives - then it's really their loss. I hope you can lots of good vibes from your dh's family.