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The Sleep Lady?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Has anyone tried Kim West's book? I am desperate! I tried Pantley's no cry sleep solution, but no luck, and I followed it step by step. My LO is almost 10months old, very high needs, super active. She was colicky for the first 3 months. We have co-slept since birth. I go through multiple attempts to get her to sleep at night, as well as to nap. When she finally does go to sleep she wakes up hourly. I am so exhausted and desperate for a tiny bit of alone time in the evenings something has to change. I am totally against CIO, but know that the sleep lady does involve some crying as her philosophy is to help them learn to fall asleep on their own. I just got the book today, so haven't read the whole thing. I'm wondering if anyone has used it with any success?
post #2 of 16
I've read it. It's CIO, but you're in the room - three days by the bed, three days a little further away, three days in the doorway, and magically your baby should stop crying and sleep! I can't see how being there and yet not responding or interacting is better - I would think it just prolongs things.
post #3 of 16
I had bought it too b/c it claimed it was "gentle", but after reading it, I felt it was CIO as well and couldn't ever bring myself to do it. Maybe you could give us more background on your DD and her situation and we could help?
post #4 of 16
Time and this bed were the only things that helped my colicky/high need/non-sleeper.
post #5 of 16
sounds like attended cio to me. sounds like my life, dd is the same way. this is jmo but there will be a time where you can wait out the crying if she's in your arms. we are slowely cutting back nighttime feedings right now. we're at 6 currently. when she's 1y I'm going to do dr j's nightweaning plan. but right now i offer her a cup of cham tea when she wakes up before its been 6 hours. She only drinks 1/2 oz. now she goes 6 hours with out nursing but wakes up 1x in that 6 hours for a drink which she gets herself from the side of our bed. of course that doesn't always happen and she has other plans but After those 6 hours I nurse her when ever she wakes. which is significantly more than 1x so starting tonight I'll offer her tea for 8 hours then nurse for the next 4. Then in a few days I'll do 9 hours, 3 hours ect until she is totally on cup not boob. then I'll dilute the tea to water. She wouldn't take the water and the tea helps relax her. That is my plan. If she's not night weaned by 1y or a little after I'll to dr js plan.

post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 

terrible sleeper

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't think I can do the sleep lady, too much crying. Here is my situation, I'll take any suggestions.

My dd was colic for 3 months, NOTHING helped. We tried everything - rocking, holding, nursing, acidopholus, car ride, stroller ride, swing, you name it. We basically waited until the crying stopped around midnight, and she nursed to sleep. Colic ended at 3 months, from about that point until about 5 months she would not sleep unless I was in the bed with her. Needless to say I was in bed by 7, my DH brought me dinner in bed so I could eat.

From about 5 months on I nurse her to sleep, put her in the crib, and I try to get some things done, until we go to bed. She wakes up anywhere between 20 minutes to 1 hour. I just go up and down the stairs until I've had enough and then go to bed with her. I go through multiple attemps to get her to sleep, we have a routine - lullubies and bath. Some nights when she won't sleep I just bring her down stairs because it's easier than trying to cajole her to sleep and just getting frustrated. Once asleep she wakes up about every hour, on a good night every 2 hours. I usually nurse her back to sleep, but am trying to wait to see if she can get herself to sleep. Have tried no cry sleep solution, still working on the removal technique - she still roots like mad.

Naps are tricky - on a good day she will nurse down, sometimes I go for car rides or a walk in the Ergo. She naps for about 30 minutes.

DH thinks she will grow out of it, I'm worried he might be wrong. What about all the books that say one must learn how to put themselves to sleep?

Please help!!
post #7 of 16
Your dd sounds like my guys. We had a VERY similar situation, and I think a lot of it had to do with teething, but a lot of it also had to do with them just being very bad sleepers. In the past few weeks, now that all five of their teeth have broken through, they are starting to sleep better. We now get (usually) two hour-long naps during the day, and they are starting to sleep for four-hour stretches at night. We are going to use Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan after their birthday this weekend (once my brother isn't staying with us and we don't have to worry about keeping him up all night as well).

I think the nightweaning will help a lot for us, but I also just think that time will help for you. At ten months, even though I was exhausted, I was not ready to nightwean my guys, and I didn't feel like they were ready. Now, I think we are all ready for it. So my best advice would be to just hang in there for a while longer. It will get better.

And as far as 'getting them to soothe themselves to sleep', I think that's a phrase that gets tossed around a lot in our culture, but it doesn't really mean anything other than convenience for the parents. I think a lot of mainstream parents, especially, use it to justify letting their babies cry it out. Your child WILL eventually go to sleep on her own, no matter what happens. Don't worry; you will not still be nursing her to sleep ten times a night when she's fifteen. So take heart, go easy on yourself, and try to have patience (yeah. I know it's not easy. It feels, as someone told me once, like you have been sentenced to an eternal sleepless hell. But it will get better. Hugs to you.)
post #8 of 16
Originally Posted by valkyrina View Post

I think the nightweaning will help a lot for us, but I also just think that time will help for you. At ten months, even though I was exhausted, I was not ready to nightwean my guys, and I didn't feel like they were ready. Now, I think we are all ready for it. So my best advice would be to just hang in there for a while longer. It will get better.
this is where I"m at. almost 1, almost time. I wanted to nightwean at 10m but she wasn't ready. We're more ready now.
post #9 of 16
Time will help but it is oh, so hard getting there. I posted this week about my 3 yr old sleeping in his own bed - well at 10 months I mostly slept rocking him because that was the only way he would sleep at all. I'd forgotten until I read your thread.

In the short term, as you work to find solutions, please try to marshall friends and family to take your daughter whenever would work (daytime in the Ergo, out in the stroller) so that you can get some sleep. Be kind to yourself.
post #10 of 16
She sounds EXACTLY like my DD. I tried nightweaning her at 18 mo and it didn't work. I'm going to try again this weekend...she'll be almost 2.5. Now she understands the concept of no nursing until the morning, so I think she can handle it, even though she'll be mega pissed.

If it makes you feel any better, my DD started being really easy around age 2. Her only issue is sleep. She's sweet, smart, and independent. It makes her sleep problems much easier to deal with compared to her first year where she was just so incredibly needy.
post #11 of 16
Oh I feel your pain! DD was a TERRIBLE sleeper. TERRIBLE! I spent every evening trudging back and forth to our bedroom to nurse her back to sleep every 10 to 90 mins before I'd just give up and go to bed. I nightweaned her and it improved a great deal (21 months, wish I'd done it sooner actually) and then at 2, she really started to improve when she got her own bed. She is now a champion sleeper. DS is turning out to be much the same way. I can even get him to sleep w/out nursing and back to sleep w/out nursing but he wakes up CONSTANLY. Ug. Hoping he's as great as DD by 2.
post #12 of 16
Is the Sleep Lady the same woman that does the Sleep Shuffle? I read about something like that while I was browsing on Amazon about baby sleep but can't remember what book it is now.
Anyway, most baby sleep books, even Pantley's will cause you to worry more than help, at least in my experience. I'm dealing with my second high-needs sleeper in a row right now. Listen to your instincts, do what you have to in each moment as it comes instead of worrying over how things will go tonight or for the next nap.
post #13 of 16
I agree, I thought the Sleep Lady was supposed to be gentle but I consider it a modified CIO. I read Pantley's NCSS for Toddlers/Preschoolers (since my DS is older than yours) and basically just felt relieved to know his waking is normal, and that I don't need to worry about it.

"Soothing oneself to sleep" is code for CIO. Don't buy it. Your kid WILL learn to sleep on their own, I don't think you need to push them.

That being said, it sounds like too much nightwaking is occuring. Have you figured out why? What if you offer your DC a pacifier after you do the pantley pull off? What if you wait until they are fast asleep to do it (limp limb phase)? Is the room too hot or cold? Too noisy or too quiet? Teething? Hunger? Sickness?

Maybe that will help get you started.
post #14 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to know I'm not alone.

She refuses a pacified, she refused a bottle too. She's in the room with us, the temperature seems fine. My instincts are telling me it's just her temperament?

For the post who mentioned the tea - can you tell me more about that? What kind? Is it baby tea?
post #15 of 16
Oh, I forgot to mention: have you thought about your diet at all? I hate to even suggest it because it's such a pain in the neck and it probably doesn't even matter, but for us it was a lifesaver to change my diet. When I stopped eating dairy and soy, the boys stopped getting up every 45 minutes all night. We knew they were gassy, but it turned out that my eating dairy and soy made them so gassy they couldn't sleep, and they were waking up and wanting to nurse for comfort, which only made the problem worse.

Just thought I'd put it out there. HTH
post #16 of 16
i second the amby bed! it worked wonders for ds who NEVER slept anywhere but on me for very long before we got it. we used it until 9 mos and i loved it!!!
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