Originally Posted by Amys1st
Some of the things said to me or done:
How can you be out? If that was me, I would be at the hospital 24/7.
(I got this IRL and at MDC)
My closest friend said this to me and nearly ended our friendship because I:
- got up at 6 am, took DS to school (20 minutes away), went to the NICU (an hour away) for a few hours, picked DS up at school (an hour back), and then went home
- cooked dinner, checked on DD by phone
- somehow managed laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, sending email updates to everyone
- slept somehow
DH was working 12 hour days, but still helped so much with shopping, making DS's lunches, and supporting me. She's his DD too and he did all this, plus only got to see her on the weekends.
My friend never offered to pick DS up from school so I could be at the NICU longer, never brought us a meal, nothing. She just stopped calling me and when I confronted her, that's what she told me: Because she would be at the NICU 24/7 and I wasn't. (Her parents live with her and her DH is a teacher who gets out of work at 3:30. She had three people who could have helped her and brought her older DD to the hospital to spend time with her.)
Sorry for that tangent! More than a year later it still hurts. Anyway, yes, people who haven't been there do not get it at all. My own mother kept asking when they were going to take DD to the hospital photo place to have her photo on the online hospital nursery so she could show her friends. It didn't matter how many times I told her that she could die if they moved her. (Yeah, she's another story.)
Everyone around me knew where DD was (all the parents at school, DH's co-workers, etc.) so no one asked where she was or wondered when I was bringing her out, but once I did take her out, I got lots of questions from total strangers about why she was so tiny, people tried to guess her age (like guessing she was 2 weeks old when she was 3 months), and things like that.
FTR, DD was a full term baby, but weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces. Lack of oxygen, aspirated meconium, had seizures, and was in the NICU for a month.