Is there anyone here who has had a very traumatic homebirth and then went on to have a better experience with the next homebirth? If so, did you do anything differently or prepare differently during your subsequent pregnancy that you feel might have contributed to having a better outcome?
And for anyone who became pregnant after having a traumatic homebirth how did you deal with knowing that you can't control what kind of labor/birth you end up with and that it could be just as bad as your previous one?
I do not think there is ANYTHING I could have done to make the 2nd birth less painful. I say this primarily because I did just about everything, including chiro (webster technique), hypnotherapy, positioning, nutrition, blah blah blah. It was irrelevant. I had an extremely intense and unpleasant physical experience when giving birth, and there was nothing I could do during the pregnancy to avoid it. It gives me great pause when considering a #3.
I don't know how I'll deal with this if I find myself ready to have a #3. With #2, it was easier . . . everyone said the 2nd is easier and I did feel that the 1st could have been manageable had I had a good HCP. So I felt a good, or at least tolerable, experience was possible, if not likely. But it didn't work out that way.
I have a long way to go before I can really answer your questions. I have some of the same ones. But I did want you to know that you're not alone. I would strongly recommend finding a good hypnotherapist who specializes in birth trauma. While it didn't make the actual birth any easier, I did find it very helpful for anxiety or fear prior to the birth.