How much help will you have after baby is born?

[dimibella]

I have to admit I am a little freaked out about having 2 kids to take care of and not being down the road from a handful of family that jumps at the chance to take my children anytime, anywhere. It was so easy when DD was born because we lived in my hometown, but we've moved since then and although both moms will be coming for as long as they can after baby is born, I'm still kinda nervous. I feel lucky though that I will have what I am going to have, so far the plan is:

My mom will hop a flight and come as soon as I call her and tell her I am in labor. She will stay about a week. My mother in law will come the next week and hopefully stay about a week depending on work. Hubby will take both those weeks off as well. The third week I might have my twin brother come and stay a few days, just to help out with running the kids around to and from school and activities and stuff. So that is almost 3 weeks of help, plus hubby works from home most of the time so hopefully even when he has to go back to work that third week, he'll still be around to help a lot.

I'm sure I'll adjust faster just because I will have to, but I'm still a little nervous about it.

[SkyMomma]

I'm really lucky ~ my Dh is taking 3 weeks off of his part-time job, but a full 6 weeks off his full-time! Yay! (a mix of vacation--no other vacations this year--& paternity leave) We're both excited about the bonding & family time. My mom's doing the same as yours, hopping on a plane when I go into labor, & staying about a week. I also have a very busy sister near by that I can lean on in a pinch.

Have you thought about hiring a post-partum doula for your fourth week? For that week after your DP goes back to work, so you can have a full month of help (a babymoon)? Perhaps some of your long-distance family can help with the $$$. (My busy sister is a doula, also student, etc...she does alot of taking care of older kids as part of her tasks. She works 4 hour shifts & will do almost anything you need -- grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc.)

[riverscout]

My husband is taking off 2 weeks, and my mom will be coming a week before my due date and staying for 4 weeks. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about her staying that long though. Seems like a bit much.

Last time around, she came down about two days after we got home from the hospital and stayed 5 weeks. It was nice and all to have some help but at the same time it was sort of stressful to have someone else here ALL THE TIME. We have a small house so there really isn't much privacy. I think it led to some bonding issues and some stress between my husband and me.

I have two to think about this time, so I am sure the help will be great. But I still am a little worried about it. I hate to sound ungrateful and I know everyone doesn't have help, but sometimes too much help can be overwhelming too. At least this time I'll know a little better how to handle things. I wish she still lived in town so she could come over and help out...but then go home and leave me in peace.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

You all are very lucky, my DP will not be here. He is in MX and not allowed per the US governement to enter the US. So i will be by my self. I have family here in NC, I'm not sure how much help i will actually get. I have great friends close by. But i'm a bit nervous about my homebirth and not having someone here 24/7. Hopefully all will work out. But mama's who have your husbands...be very thankful. I'm feeling a bit sorry for my self because my DP is not here.

[LegalScrapper]

My ILs will be here to care for DD while husband and I are in the hospital. Then they'll go home and DH will be home for several days. After that my MIL will come back up when DH goes back to work. We'll send DD to pre-K some but also let her stay home some - just playing that by ear.

My MIL stayed 4 days with my DD and it was great. I had been nervous because I'd never been around her alone that long. But she is awesome - VERY helpful but not pushy at all. Willing to do whatever I ask, prefers to be busy, cleans and cooks. Also great about taking the baby and telling me to go sleep.

My mom will come up for 2 days (more like 1 1/2) around her work schedule. She's not much help at all. All she wants to do is hold the baby. She thinks it's helpful because I can go "clean and do other stuff."

My church family will arrange meals for at least 1, if not 2, weeks. So that will be great.

DH will shorten his work day to drop DD off at daycare and pick her up, until we get in a routine where I can do it.

[VeganCupcake]

Mamato3wildponnie, . That is tough. I hope you can get help from others around you.

This is our first, so I'm not sure exactly how much help we'll need, since we don't have any other little ones who need attention--maybe not much at all. DH gets 2 weeks of paternity leave, plus he could take some additional personal days if we want.

My family is far away and not invited. DH's mom and sister are close by and are quite helpful, though busy themselves.

[Quaniliaz]

DH is taking off two weeks this time, which I am excited for. Last time he was only home for a week. Although last time we lived with my parents - and so there were people around in the evening to help with dishes/food/laundry, etc.

My mom lives about 40 minutes away and will help if we really need it - although she works a lot and has spent a ton of time away from work already this year because my sister had her second baby and had a really bad flare-up of rheum. arthritis. So I don't anticipate her being here a ton after the first few days. DD may go stay with my dad for a while, though, if she wants to - he'd probably take her to their cabin which is a couple of hours away - and she *loves* to go there.

[peanbugsmom]

I am far from my family too! My in-laws are about an hour and a half away but will not be able to make any extended trips up to help. They will visit on weekends and once I am feeling up to it we will go there. My husband is taking two weeks off and then about the time he goes back to work my mom is coming for 3 weeks. This sounded like a good idea 3 months ago but since then my mom and I have had some issues crop up and have not entirely resolved them- probably never will. Now I am a bit nervous. I am trying to stay positive and make it a good experience. I know she will be a big help and I am hoping having here here will stave off the mild to moderate PPD I have experienced in the past. I am very happy that I am having her come after my husband returns to work even though I think she would have preferred to come right out. However she wanted to do what would be the most help to me. I also wanted to protect that initial bonding time with my husband and children. We have friends that will drop by and bring meals and I froze many meals to get us by until my mom can help. That way I feel like I have 5 weeks of help before being left alone with three kids for the first time.

[joshs_girl]

We won't have any help until my mom comes in from Alaska on Sept 27th - so anywhere from ten to sixteen days with just us. She'll be here until Oct 4th so that's a good long visit.

MIL is coming some point after that, but I'm not sure how much actual "help" she'll be other than holding the baby. In fact, I'm stressed about her visit since she is not pro-bfing or cding.

Then my dad and step mom will come for a quick visit while we're in the hospital and then a longer visit after my mom & MIL have left. They'll be fabulous help.

So we have a good stash of people - except for those very first few days. I'm not sure what DH's plans are - I think we're just playing that by ear.

[funfunkyfantastic]

I get my mom until DH is home. Although she'll have to start working full time after he gets home so that she can eventually move back out on her own. She's not working much right now because she wants to be here for me and the baby. My MIL is also close by and will be stopping in to help out now and then.

[Nimm2]

I live alone, boyfriend left 3 months ago, family lives overseas, but I have a maid who is cleaning, washing, doing dishes etc .. so I am not too worried, I don't have to do any housework.
She can also get me some groceries if I can't go.

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by Nimm2

I live alone, boyfriend left 3 months ago, family lives overseas, but I have a maid who is cleaning, washing, doing dishes etc .. so I am not too worried, I don't have to do any housework.
She can also get me some groceries if I can't go.

DH will have two weeks off (one as paternity leave, one as vacation) and then my mom is flying over about a month after my due date and staying for 10 days. My MIL is about a half hour away so she'll probably be able to help out with DD a couple times a week as well. I also have a good friend who is acting as my birth doula and hopefully she'll be able to come round once a week or so in the beginning and help a bit too. All in all I'd say I'm pretty lucky as far as help goes and I am very grateful.

[minmoto2]

My mom is coming this Saturday & staying thru the 1st week in October...& she will stay longer if I need her to. (i.e. baby is late--not my favorite example) If I happen to have baby b4 she gets here, my hubby will be here. My youngest kiddo is 9yo & very helpful..so I won't be too stressed caring for them My MIL plans a visit for a long weekend sometime after baby is born....she is no help tho....just is a guest. She is planning on coming while my mom is still here, so my mom will be helpful w/her

[boobyfeeder]

My parents live across the street this time around, so that is really convenient. My mom will help as much as I need, we respect each others' boundries so she won't assume that I need help all the time unless I ask. DH will take a week off from work, as usual. My biggest challenge will be getting DD1 to dance class and both girls to crafts. The dance class isn't really an issue, b/c it's Saturdays so mom or DH can take her. The crafts are on Fridays, so that's a little trickier. It doesn't start until the end of the month, so I'm hoping to have the baby soon and someone else can take them for one or two weeks until I'm ready to leave the house with the baby. Though when DD2 was born, I was up and about pretty much immediately.

Those of you going from 1 to 2, it's definitely a challenge trying to balance things out. When DD2 was born, I was so upset b/c hardly anyone visited me. My sister had had a baby 4 months earlier and was pg again, and b/c it was her first, everyone was still all focused on her. It was really hard trying to get into a routine, but it just sort of fell into place. Things work out whether you have help or not.

[lcaitlin]

good question. I'm not sure about this. my mom will come for the birth, and can stay for a while if we want/need her. dh has 2 weeks off. I'm thinking of having my mom stay 2-3 nights and then have some private time.

I'm a little worried about all our visitors. this is the first baby of this generation on both sides of our family. my in-laws plan to come immediately when the baby is born, but I'm certain they will be absolutely no help whatsoever -- just needy visitors. and I have a huge family, all of whom will want to come the minute the babe is here. while I want everyone to meet the baby during those early days, I'm worried about having too many guests and only a couple people (mom and sisters) being considerate about helping out.

guess we'll see and learn as we go!

[Engineering_Mama]

I'm pretty spoiled in this regard. DH can only take a week off (he's only been at this job for 1 yr and doesn't have much leave saved up). But my mother is flying in tomorrow and will be staying for a month. While she's not super-helpful with cleaning and stuff (my mom's disabled) she's really easy going and happy to help in anyway she can. Plus my brother is living with us right now and he's actually really helpful. My MIL can't afford the trip on her own, so she'll be visiting when we decide we're ready to have her, since we'll be paying for the plane tix. We'll probably wait at least 4 weeks after the baby comes to have her. She drives DH nuts and she's very much a guest who needs to be constantly entertained.

[boobyfeeder]

Originally Posted by lcaitlin

I'm a little worried about all our visitors. this is the first baby of this generation on both sides of our family. my in-laws plan to come immediately when the baby is born, but I'm certain they will be absolutely no help whatsoever -- just needy visitors. and I have a huge family, all of whom will want to come the minute the babe is here. while I want everyone to meet the baby during those early days, I'm worried about having too many guests and only a couple people (mom and sisters) being considerate about helping out.

guess we'll see and learn as we go!

You sound like a good candidate for that fridge list that someone had posted awhile back. Make sure a list of things you need done is highly visible, so you can direct people to it even if they halfheartedly offer to help; jump on any offer even if you think they aren't sincere. Also, tell people to call before visiting, that way you can schedule visits to be spread out over a couple days. If people are pissy about having to wait, too bad. For your sanity, do not let them all over at once! You need time to establish a good nursing relationship and to get to know your baby.

[allisonrose]

I have no idea how much help I'll have. Hubby hasn't made any plans about how long he plans to take off from work. It should be at least a week. I'm hoping for two weeks.

My family lives across the country and my mom's a teacher so if I'd had a summer baby, things would have been great. But since this little one waited to be conceived, she only has a couple days to take off to visit.

My mil lives in the same town we do but we have language issues. She also has problems with arthiritis, has pain in her joints and has problems moving around at times. So I don't feel comfortable asking her favors. Of course she doesn't ask me to do anything for her either. Instead she asks my hubby who either forgets or takes a long time to get to it.

There's talk from hubby's various relatives about wanting to see the baby but much of them are flakes.

[cellarstella]

DP works at home, so he'll probably just slack off with work for a month. I don't really want my mom to come clean because when she does she always makes comments about the lack of cleanliness in my house (um yeah it's an old house, it gets dusty fast, it's not like we have health hazards rotting on the floor) and I'd rather just clean it myself. I have made some great friends on MDC that have said they'll bring me food, so that's really cool. Last time I just starved until I could get DP to hold the baby and then I'd wolf down as much food as I could and then nurse some more. If I depend on DP to feed me, I'll be eating an awful lot of PB&J! This time I've been stuffing my freezer with ready made meals to avoid that.

I know my local family will just assume since I've had a baby before, it'll just be old hat and I'll have everything under control. They're just lazy and weird like that. With DD1, they just came over unannounced and gawked and left. It was really annoying. I'm having DP send them away if they try that again. The only part of my family I'd want around is 1000 miles away. One nice thing about my immediate family being extremely unhelpful is that I'm very self-sufficient! This is my last kid, though, I WILL GET MY BABYMOON!

I have a lovely doula, DP, our new awesome neighbors, and MDC moms (who know what it's like!), that I don't have concrete plans with, but I think they'll be helpful for the first couple of weeks.

[ehunter27]

Reading these posts makes me nervous. I will have my DP home for a week at least, possibly two...though I'm not sure. He has tons of saved vacation, but is very busy and doesn't know if he can be out that long. Hopefully he could work some shorter hour days...usually he works 11 plus.
We have one two year old at home, and w/another on the way, I do have some worries. My mom is an hour away, and I am sure will stop by, but, to be honest, she is most helpful in helping w/our child, not in a housework sort of way. I'm actually sure that when we come home from the hospital, if it is her that stays with our child, I'll have dishes to do and a mess to clean! However, I am fortunate in that she is wonderful with our son, and I know he is in safe, caring hands, so the mess I can take!

My MIL is also relatively close, though I think she would just visit a couple hours here and there...we'll see. I guess I am having trouble imagining two, or the help we might need.