And now I'm going to do this again...

[kalirush]

My daughter was born just over three years ago, and here I am, 5+ months along with #2.

#1 was born in a university teaching hospital with an excellent record with high-risk births, and no idea what to do with a low-risk woman. What should, by rights, have been a perfectly uneventful birth spiralled into intervention after intervention and hours of hard pitocin labor that left me unable to lift my baby or walk unassisted for more than 6 feet for about four days solid.

After she was born, I remember having these sobbing fits thinking about it. And such anger towards those people at how UNNECESSARY all of it was. I was healthy. My baby was healthy. If they had been able to just leave us alone, we'd've been fine.

And here I am, pondering my birth with #2, and having to face maybe going back into that situation again.

This time around, I'm planning a homebirth (homebirth and hospital birth being the only two options around here), and I feel good about that. There are a few specific things I'm running into, though:

1. I'm terrified of transferring. Like, panic-attack-can't-breathe terrified. I firmly believe that the ability to access medical care is part of what makes a homebirth safe, but if (and I know it's unlikely) we have to go, I don't know what I'll do. Completely shut down and get sedated, maybe.

2. I find that I'm turning into a bit of a control freak about this birth, and I think it's because I'm deeply frightened of the complete loss of control that was my first birth. It's not fair to others around me, and I'm not sure how to cope.

I dunno. Any advice? Anyone else in a similar situation? Anyone been there and can tell me what it's like?

[Staciemao]

I've been there, Kalirush. I actually meant to respond to this a few days ago and got distracted. (Children will do that to you. )

Here's what got me through it: During my second pregnancy, I ONLY read positive birth stories. You already know all the bad stuff that can happen, because you've lived it.

Read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and "Spiritual Midwifery" and "Birthing From Within" and any beautiful, positive birth stories you can find online. Visualize a wonderful, sweet birthing experience. Pray for the confidence that you need in order to relinquish control and give over to birthing.

And I'll be praying for you.

[LivingforGod]

My first two births were horrible! The first with way too many interventions and the second was a FORCED csection. Our third was born at a birthing center with a midwife. After her birth I felt healed inside and out! It was awesome! We decided with the next we would do it ourselves. And we did. Two weeks ago I gave birth at home with only my husband and daughter. If we ever decide to have more, we'll definately do it alone unless something should arise. I was and am absolutely dead set against a transfer unless there are complications. I'll be praying for you. And read as much as you can.

[jenneology]

Originally Posted by kalirush

1. I'm terrified of transferring. Like, panic-attack-can't-breathe terrified. I firmly believe that the ability to access medical care is part of what makes a homebirth safe, but if (and I know it's unlikely) we have to go, I don't know what I'll do. Completely shut down and get sedated, maybe.

2. I find that I'm turning into a bit of a control freak about this birth, and I think it's because I'm deeply frightened of the complete loss of control that was my first birth. It's not fair to others around me, and I'm not sure how to cope.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

YES!!!!!!

I'm absolutely being a control freak about my coming birth, and I'm not sure its something to feel bad about. But I am planning an unassisted homebirth, with midwife back-up. I'll have a doula but its really toddler-care for my son. I just want someone there familiar with birth so they aren't freaking out even though they're just there taking care of a kid. I guess my way of coping with controlling my birth is through controlling the people who are there: just me, my husband, my son and the doula to take care of the kid. I kind of wish that we could do it without the doula, but I want the option to be there if I need someone and Chunka needs someone. I've found a doula who is open to that (and does massage, yay!) The midwife, really, is just for limited prenatal care. I'm still figuring out how that works money/transaction-wise.

And transferring? I haven't really considered it because that is where my biggest phobias are. I honestly don't want to imagine being a homebirth transfer. I'm terrified of being treated differently and harshly for attempting a homebirth. But at the same time, I'm realizing that I'm very not likely to transfer. It would have to be holy-sh*! scary, I need to do it so I or the baby won't die. It'd have to be something tremendously scary. Anyway, those are all the fears that I'll be facing, thinking about and planning for over the course of this pregnancy. The doula I'm working with is going to do an intensive childbirth education class with us where we outline all the potential complications, what can be done at home, what needs hospital intervention and what our logistical/strategic plan will be if any of those complications arise. Because at this point, I have no clue how I would be able to handle that emotionally, or how I would allow hospital workers to treat me.

That's how I'm dealing with it, but I definitely wouldn't advocate others dealing with it the same way. I don't think there is a right way to face the situation, other than to feel around and figure out what feels right for you.

I know there are doulas/therapists who specialize in birth trauma and that might be a helpful resource to look for in your area. I know that Penny Simkin sometimes does over the phone birth trauma counseling in prep for a new birth. Sometimes even a therapist who specializes in victims of abuse, rape and trauma is helpful for moms with birth trauma. Solace for Mothers is a resource for preparing for next births and recovering from trauma caused by events at a birth.

Good luck. I'm wishing peaceful, positive vibes for you and this pregnancy.

There are lots of moms who don't do very much emotional prep for a subsequent birth and find the birth after a traumatic one to be very healing. I'm too afraid to take my chances on that one....

[laralee16]

Originally Posted by kalirush

1. I'm terrified of transferring. Like, panic-attack-can't-breathe terrified. I firmly believe that the ability to access medical care is part of what makes a homebirth safe, but if (and I know it's unlikely) we have to go, I don't know what I'll do. Completely shut down and get sedated, maybe.

2. I find that I'm turning into a bit of a control freak about this birth, and I think it's because I'm deeply frightened of the complete loss of control that was my first birth. It's not fair to others around me, and I'm not sure how to cope.

I dunno. Any advice? Anyone else in a similar situation? Anyone been there and can tell me what it's like?

1. I am scared to transfer also. I know, if I do, it means a section. BUT I also know that is I do, this time the section will be NEEDED.

2. keep being the control freak you are. For me at least, I am a stronger person because of my anger at what happen to me. I have learned to say "no" and "back the f off" and not be scared of what people will think of me.



I was really scared when I got preg this time around. At about 10 weeks or so I sat there sobbing to my husband "please dont make me do this again" because I was so scared. Working threw it, I know that I am not scared of a homebith, I am not scared of the pain. I am scared of people messing with me when I tell them not too. And knowing WHAT I'm scared of is making working threw the everything alot easer.

Try reading "birthing from within" I LOVE this book.

[MOML]

I'm 5 weeks away from my second hospital delivery. My first pregnancy, I doctored with an OB (who told me I *must* come back to him when I got pregnant again - I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and he was the doc I saw at the ER). Totally unnecessary to have that much medical care for what he admitted was a "medically boring" pregnancy.

Anyway, he didn't attend my delivery (it wasn't his day to be on-call). Instead, I ended up with a resident, a crusty nurse and a 3rd degree tear. I had to fight them on all kinds of interventions (like a pit drip - my contractions were "too short", yet I was 9 cm dialated ... hmm, how'd that happen?), which was just unnecessary.

This time, I'm doctoring with my GP, and have been really working with her on an unmedicated, intervention-free birth. Pretty much every appointment, I have shown up with a stack of research studies for her to read, and/or questions about hospital policy and procedure. She will be the one to attend my delivery, but I will also have a doula there to ensure that I don't end up going down that same path again.

I have done a tonne of research, and read a lot of books this time. I have put so much effort into learning, that most people would think that I am setting myself up for a disappointing labour this time around. However, for me, these are things that I need to do to heal from my first labour. I also hope that maybe the next delivery my GP attends after mine, she'll be a little more accepting of a non-medical birth.