Coping with the second birth/tandem nursing

[Kiara.I]

I'm pregnant with #2. DS was born in a hospital, staff very nice, it was a vaginal delivery, but it was SO painful that I wound up screaming (I do NOT scream) and asked for the fentanyl because of it. I had really wanted to have a drug-free labour, and am disappointed (and kind of tired of people telling me not to be...) DS came out with his hand on his chin, with probably caused most of the problem, and probably couldn't have been avoided with a home birth or midwife birth, but I still kind of blame the hospital. You know? I had a ton of stitches, and actually had to have the stupid epidural anyway for the stitching up in the surgery. I had a long recovery from it, mostly emotional, and did feel that it was very violating, in some way. I sure it wouldn't compare to sexual assault, but I still found it very traumatizing.

Anyway, consequently I am going with a midwife this time, and still trying to decide between home and hospital. But I'm very anxious about the whole prospect. I start to get panicky when I think about labour and delivery.

Also, I'm still nursing DS and very much want to tandem nurse. But when I start reading posts about tandem nursing, I want to cry, and I don't really know what's going on with that. I also feel horribly guilty that my milk supply has dropped dramatically, and I'm not "giving DS what he needs." Has anyone experienced this type of anxiety over tandem nursing? Is it likely birth trauma, pregnancy hormones, what?

[Daniel's Kitty]

I was so freaked out by my first birth that my next two were born at home. I wanted to scream at times from being "helped" with stretching by the dr and the memory still makes my skin crawl.

Pg hormones can make the weirdest things into a cause for tears so it wouldn't surprise me to freak out about tandem nursing or not. I felt all freaked out that my boys weaned when I would hit the end of the first tri or soon after.

[lil_earthmomma]

My second ds is two weeks old, and my first ds is 18 mo. He was 9 mo when I found out I was pregnant and I went from super excited to horrified when I thought about the ramifications to my nursling. I cried a lot whenever I thought about the fact that I was depriving him of mama milk etc.

Luckily, our nursing relationship has survived, and my beautiful boys are both thriving and growing chubby on mama milk. I didn't lose my milk, rather it transitioned around week 24-26 to colostrum. This was good because we were able to up solids slowly, and he never felt deprived. He LOVES the new mama milk, and has all but dropped food for now. I'm so happy that he is enjoying nursing so much and it is so beautiful to see him love on his baby brother as they nurse together.

Try to focus on the positive and look forward. Think about how wonderful it will be when you tandem, and maybe pick up a copy of Adventures in Tandem nursing. This book really helped me, and validated my feelings, (even the negative ones.)

s, just wanted you to know that your feelings are very normal and just show you are a wonderful loving mama.

[paphia]

I got pg when dd was 13 mo. My milk dried up partway through the pregnancy but she still nursed. Afterwards she kept nursing (still is) and she has gone on huge growth spurts. She's doing great and loves her brother and likes sharing nursing with him.

As for the birth, every one is different. Be gentle with yourself.