I suck at homeschooling.

[my3peanuts]

Last week we started on Tuesday and I did ok but my friend's 2 year old dd died accidentally on Thursday and I was more than distracted. We were gone this week Monday and Tuesday for the funeral and it's nearly Friday and we've still done hardly anything. I intended on "catching up" but just have not felt like it.

I wish I could blame it all on being upset about this little girl's death but I don't think all of it. I'd probably be this way even if nothing were going on.

Yesterday we read a story from our OM curriculum, drew some pictures, and played around on the piano some. Today we had Bible study this morning so we were gone until early afternoon. We got home and read a story to go with our math stuff, drew a picture of the sun, painted a picture of the son, read lots more stories and well, and made a butterfly out of wax paper and crayon shavings.

I feel like I'm not providing enough for her. Today she said she didn't want to "do school" and wasn't thrilled when I told her we were going to read a story. I want her to be excited about learning and I don't want to push her but at the same time I feel discouraged when we've seemingly done nothing all day and I feel a lot of pressure from family and friends and even myself to do something formal with her.

Ugh, I don't know. I don't enjoy crafts, painting, or even playing all that much which makes me wonder if she'd be better off with someone who enjoyed all those things. It's easy for me to do something with her for a while just to get it out of the way and then turn the tv on while ds is napping so I can catch up on my online reading.

I really feel like such a crappy mom for not wanting to do all these things with her. It's just so hard with ds to get anything done and even harder when admittingly I don't have the energy.

[happyhippimama]

First

Next, I am sorry you are not having a good few days. I have days that I feel the same. I think it goes away. Once getting into a routine, I have had a much better time with things. It takes a lot to figure it all out, ya know.

It took me a while to get that I was in charge and I could teach whatever I wanted to. So I do. It has helped me a lot to NOT use text books. I think we have like 1 or 2. My 9 year old complains about doing school almost everytime I mention it. When I say we are goingto do a project, he loves it though. He is a very visual learner.

I hope things get under control soon for you. I can not stand that uneasy, unconfident feeling.

[Lillian J]

How old is she?

I don't feel that it matters at all in the big picture, by the way, whether a lot is done in any given week - it can all be covered in a fraction of the time most people assume in the beginning. Your friend's daughter's death is major - there's no reason for you feel you need to be thinking about homeschooling at all right now. But about the reading she wasn't excited about - is it a book she likes or that she picked or that has pictures she can enjoy? Is it just for enjoyment or is it tied into math the way the earlier one you mentioned was? You might be stressing too much on a certain kind of learning. If you want her to be excited about learning, you can help her learn a whole lot about all sorts of things without ever saying "It's time to do school" - you can just weave them into your days in easy going ways.

But you need to be realistic about your energy level - if your younger one (how old is he?) is draining energy right now, that's all the more reason to back off on the concept of doing school and invest in some spend short regular spurts of time planning games and projects ahead of time that you can do with your daughter, gathering materials you can then readily access, etc., and then just do what you can without depleting your energy and enthusiasm.

Try to get together lots of things she can do on her own too - like simple crafts and building toys she can easily use, audio stories she can listen to, a play store she can assemble and pretend with (using empty food packages and a toy cash register/computer, play money, etc.), puppets, boxes and cloths she can make playhouses with, plastic toys she can create imaginative worlds in a sand table with, beautiful picture books available around the house (see Children's Picture Books, and this page for good lists) etc.

She's going to be fine! Just don't demand too much of yourself - it will all work out in good time.

Lillian

[my3peanuts]

The reading was a story out of our OM curriculum. Once we started reading the story she was fine but she's used to colorful pictures and these stories don't have pictures so she has to learn to listen instead of just looking which is different for her.

My younger son just turned 2 but he is developmentally delayed and his understanding is probably more that of an average 15 month old. He is a sensory seeker and he's VERY busy. It's very hard because he's also very clumsy do to his low muscle tone and his seizure meds and I can't leave him alone at all. Even just to play nearby isn't working. He wants to be in the room with us all the time and he doesn't understand simple directions. He does understand "no" but he does not typically obey. He is very, very distracting. I have been trying to do most of our stuff during his naps which works out ok but I'm so used to just vegging during his naps that it's been an adjustment.

The play store is a great idea and she would love that, thanks!

I am trying not to worry about it too much but I've been feeling really guilty about a lot of things lately. And this last week has been horribly emotionally.

[CariOfOz]

How long have you been hs'ing Nicole? It took me QUITE a while to find our 'groove'.. and honestly it still vanishes on occasion lol. I think we 'lost' most of the month of August somewhere.. and I'm not quite sure WHERE or HOW Sometimes life throws us a curve ball, and your friends childs death is definitely that.. added to trying to hs with a very very busy toddler, and I'm not surprised neither your or your dd has much energy for hs at the moment. I suggest giving it a little time and you'll probably get back to your 'normal'. And if you're a new homeschooler you'll FIND your 'normal'

[my3peanuts]

We've been officially homeschooling for 8 days! And most of those days have been filled with other stuff.

Thank you for the encouragement.

[CariOfOz]

8 days!!! AND with all the drama in that time?? In that case you are doing spectacularly to even remember you ARE homeschooling You'll get there, just roll with the punches (to get all cliche )

[kathymuggle]

You do not suck at HS!!!!

You are having a hard week. And it takes a little time to find your groove. Be gentle with yourself.

[Leersia]

Sister, I have sucked at HSing, and will suck again any day now, and I especially sucked last year trying to do OM kindergarten and felt anxiety about it ALL THE TIME. It's a miracle that I decided to do it for another year. Honestly, it really takes some time to figure out what works for you and your child. And if this helps at all . . .I have twins, one of whom I did much more formal stuff with (math, particularly) while the other just played Legos. One year later, they are pretty much in the same place with math. They pick stuff up despite any lack of you applying yourself as the teacher.

Also, I found that OM wasn't for me. I couldn't get excited about it, and my kids didn't love it either. I abandoned it by Christmas and just bumbled along working with a boring phonics program and some other thrown together things and felt really dissipated and random. I'm not really into any particular educational dogma, but this year, we're doing more of a Charlotte Mason-type thing via Ambleside Online, and it is such a huge pleasure for me to implement that HSing, while still often a stuggle, is going much better. Also, my kids are 6 instead of 5, and that helps too.

GOOD LUCK and HUGS!!!

[Starflower]

to you.

You do NOT suck at homeschooling. I think you need to back up, put things into perspective and give yourself some slack.

We don't do anything "formal" and sometimes I get freaked out (OK I'll admit it, today was one of those days), especially now that we're finally homeschooling "officially" because we didn't send DD to Kindy. And I'm not even dealing with any other siblings distracting us let alone a tragic death of a small child close to me.

I know that if a friend of mine lost a child, that not only would I be terribly sad and feeling lost and distracted, but DD would be very affected as well. Even if she wasn't particularly close to the child, DD would be affected just because she would be sensing her own mortality and fears. Plus she would sense my feelings.

Sending some love and healing vibes your way.

[Lillian J]

Stop. You really need to give yourself a big break on all levels. You don't mention how old your little girl is, but my guess is that she's awfully young, and wouldn't miss a thing even if you were to do nothing at all called "homeschooling" for a while. The older she is, the faster and easier things will come - so it all equals out. Just do what feels comfortable for you all.

First things first - you need some regeneration and healing time. And even with the problems, your little boy is bound to grow into being easier to cope with in time. You're not a crappy mom - you're just a human mom with a full plate, and one who's just been traumatized by your friend's tragedy. Please just take care and stop being so critical of yourself - try to just really enjoy your children's early years as much as possible under the circumstances without feeling you need to do it all.

You might also take a look at my page on preschool/kindergarten ideas to find more things that can make for some easy going and independent play beyond what you can provide in the way of play with your children - scroll down underneath the box of articles for links to articles with activity ideas.

Lillian

[ebethmom]

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss! How heartbreaking.

It took us about a year to really find our routine. When we first decided to homeschool, I envisioned all of these wonderful projects that we would do together. Turns out, that's not my style at all! I'm good for a project every now and then, but not every week.

It's OK to take your time! Homeschooling is a marathon, not a sprint.

[Bird Girl]

You will be fine!

First, most kindergartners hardly need any formal stuff at all; reading books that you pick out at the library, making sure she has stuff to get messy with, and doing the kind of math that comes with cooking and counting out crayons and what not will be fine.

Second, if you're not into crafting stuff you don't have to do it! We use Sonlight curriculum, done secular style, and it's almost all reading--we spend most of our "school" time curled up on the couch. If tons and tons of hands-on doesn't appeal to you, check out their website. For a kindergartener, you could just use their book list and check the stuff out of the library.

[onlyzombiecat]

Last year we had a death in the family at the start of our homeschooling year. It threw us off of doing anything for a month. We eventually got more productive. The nice thing about homeschooling is that at the end of the year we just went a couple of weeks longer.

Go with the flow a bit. You are just getting started.

If your dd is having trouble with the books without pictures maybe she'd like to draw or play with some clay or legos while she listens to you read.

[Needle in the Hay]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

The reading was a story out of our OM curriculum. Once we started reading the story she was fine but she's used to colorful pictures and these stories don't have pictures so she has to learn to listen instead of just looking which is different for her.

There is a lot to be said for picture books. There are so many wonderful ones. The Five in a Row curriculum (at least the first 3 volumes) uses only picture books (and that's for about up to age 8 or so). I'm not saying you should use that curriculum (I don't), only that picture books are a great resource--don't think chapter books are better. You can see what's on their booklists: http://www.fiveinarow.com/FIAR/FIARBL.html

The pictureless books can be good to read while your child is doing something else. My DS can play and listen at the same time and usually retains more of the story's details than I do!

As Lillian mentioned books on tape or CD are great, especially since you are so busy with your DS.
You could put together a little craft box for your DD with lots of materials in it and let her go to town.

My DS learned to count money just by having some. He learned to count American money first (we don't live in the U.S.) because he wanted to figure out how many tokens he could get at Chuck E Cheese the next time we visited my family in the U.S. For him, dollars were 4 tokens and he was counting them 4, 8, 12, 16 etc.

I can only imagine how shaken I would be if a friend's child died.
All the more reason to relax and enjoy your kids.

[mommy68]

How old is your child? I would base it on that. I wouldn't do anything too intense until they are at least 5 years old. But that's just me. If she is older then try not to worry too much. I know it's hard. I see others around me that HS who seem to get so much done in one day's time when my kids are barely doing two or three things per day and it's sporadic and spread out. But I see that they are learning in how they view the world around them and the things that they say to me. I think I'm doing a good job even if some days it doesn't seem like we do a darn thing.

to your friend and her loss. I can't even imagine what that family must be going through right now.

[HikeYosemite]

Originally Posted by mommy68

How old is your child? I would base it on that. I wouldn't do anything too intense until they are at least 5 years old. (

I've been homeschooling for 8 years. I think even 5 is too early to think about expecting or forcing any "intense" learning or activities. While some kids might choose more intense learning or more formal study at an early age, I didn't see the "spark" in my DS until this year (age 13). He is finally talking about his future and wanting to get a good education, but I don't think it is too late at all. (He tried school last year and got a straight-A average--A's and some A+'s thrown in with a B+ or two--though our homeschooling had been pretty laid back all those years.)

Just to reassure you, we've had many days over the years--weeks, even--where I felt we were getting too little done. Yet we kept doing the read-alouds and field trips and nature hikes/study, or using books on CD while in the car or while coloring, so the kids' minds were still being filled with good literature. Don't fret about a week or two, or even longer. Over the course of time--maybe it will be over the course of 18 years!--the bigger picture will emerge. Through HSing, they can become much more well-rounded people.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by HikeYosemite

I've been homeschooling for 8 years. I think even 5 is too early to think about expecting or forcing any "intense" learning or activities. While some kids might choose more intense learning or more formal study at an early age, I didn't see the "spark" in my DS until this year (age 13).

Well, maybe "intense" was a bad choice of words. I guess I should have chosen a better word. I didn't mean intense in it's usual meaning. I guess I meant being more serious about teaching them until they were at least the age of 5. We're always teaching our children but I do believe by age 5 that children need to be learning and exploring reading and other things, whether it's on purpose or not. But I realize not all children learn the same. Sorry for my comment. This isn't the US board so I thought more people were teaching from an early age.

My oldest is 13 too! He has always been very good at learning and loved routine since he was kindergarten age and has always been the type to sit and do school work. My younger ones are nothing like he was. They aren't as easy going as he is.

[chrissy]

you DON'T suck at homeschooling mama!! i know that feeling well though, as a new homeschooler myself. cut yourself some slack.

i am so sorry for your friend's loss.

[mary3mama]

You don't suck at homeschooling!

You are human. You are dealing with grief. You are dealing with huge emotions. You are adjusting to life as a hsing mama. Your child is dealing with this adjustment too.

We are doing OM this year too, and this is our first time doing any curricula. DS#1 is 9 and DS#2 is 5 (he's the K).

And switching gears takes time.

There are times when they aren't grooving with it. With the 5yo, he's gonna flit in and out and need physical movement time. Witht he 9yo, I persist, because I know that being disagreeable is as crucial to his existence as breathing.

For now, focus on having fun and connecting with your child. The rest will come. It will flow out of your desire to be with her.

{{{hugs}}}