How can I get the family to stop buying toys?!

[slsurface]

The holiday season is approaching and I am getting worried about being inundated by toys. DS just had his birthday, and while people were fairly sane about gifts, we still got some toys. Plus, DH's parents just retired and they are visiting more often. Every visit results in more toys! I feel like DS has everything he could need: train table with trains, homemade play kitchen with food, basket full of blocks, basket full of knitted balls, basket with some dress up clothes, many shelves of books...you get the idea. I have happy with the toys he has now and know they are diverse enough to keep him happy and interested too. I really don't want more toys!

Have any of you been successful at getting the grandparents to STOP buying toys? I keep asking for money for his college fund, or museum memberships and such, but no one likes to do that. DS really doesn't need clothes either, I get them cheap at the thrift store and he is set for the next year. Any suggestions for alternative gifts that will still satisfied grandma and grandpa's desires? What are your experiences in curtailing the flow of toys? TIA!

[Ruthie's momma]

I would love to know, as well! I appreciate the grandparents' generosity...but, we are living in a very small space...and, DD still prefers to play with my pots and pans or DH's PDA!!! When I have suggested a donation to the college fund I was give puzzled looks....

[Garden~Lover]

I have been trying for 15 yrs to get people to tone down the holidays. Funny, everyone always says "what do they need?" well they need new blankets, jackets, books, gc to book store, or movie theaters, or plays.
Yet every year they never recieve those things, they recieve tons of plastic toys, and junk. nothing of what I said they needed. Not that I think everyone should buy things they need. But why do they bother asking? really.
they dont want to get them b.c they are not FUN. well who says they arent fun. Geez younger dds favorite thing is to hang out at the book store.
at least my mother gets the kids one thing each. dhs parents (who are divorced and remarried and try to out do each other yearly) get piles and piles of stuff. dhs mother got all 3 kids their own computers. If anyone here can tell me why a 5 yr old needs a computer, well then I will send it to you LOL

[lucyem]

Look at it from their point of view. They want to give the child something the child can open and enjoy in front of them. A jacket just does not do it.

Maybe try and convince them to give something they can enjoy the child enjoying. For example for Christmas last year my in-laws "gave us" a trip to a children's amusement park for June. In June we all met and my in-laws paid and we all had a wonderful time. My in-laws got to see the children and play with them.

The other thought is to pick out presents you would want them to give that would be fun. Send the list including the "needs" but include a few "cool things". I find this is what works best for my mother. She wants to see the kids get something really cool and open it and play with her. So I carefully send her a list of things we would want that fit her needs. She will also buy a need item as well but will make it cool. Like if the boys need socks she buys fun ones with trucks on them. By working with her I was able to curtail a lot of the dollar store junk she was bringing to our house.

[thixle]

Originally Posted by lucyem

Look at it from their point of view. They want to give the child something the child can open and enjoy in front of them. A jacket just does not do it.

Is there any way you could get together with the worst offender and go shopping WITH them and the kiddo(s)?

DD's birthday last month, MIL was swamped with work, so we said come on down, we'll all have lunch and go to the mall. DD picked out clothes and shoes- it is what SHE wanted more than anything... New jacket, too. MIL was happy because she spent a fortune, DD was thrilled with all the shiny clothes, and we didn't end up with a bunch of plastic crap that would break in a few days.... Oh, and we all actually had a good time and got along :
I'd love to have repeats of that B-day!

ETA: DD did NOT want to go to the toy stores at all! She hit every shoe store in the mall, and both bookstores, though-- and she's 3. Hah

[paphia]

We have a couple of bags of toys that we plan to donate. We got piles of stuffed animals for dd that she's never, ever touched. She has some favorite stuffies, but if there are toys/books/whatevers that lay around untouched, move those things to a storage tub and then go donate it to families in need, women's/children's shelters, goodwill or try selling them at a resale shop and socking the money away into your child's college fund.

We get as much money as allowable put away into college funds each year, and we've still got lots of toys that dd doesn't play with. I'll probably go through her old toys one more time and pull out any baby toys that ds might play with, and then the rest are going away. Just in time for another Christmas season ha!

[laohaire]

I gave up.

Whatever DD gets, she can at least play with for a week (if the toy isn't that great, she won't care about it that long). If the toy meets at least my minimum standards of approval, and DD likes it, I'll find another toy to get rid of. If the toy doesn't cut it, or if it ranks so low that another toy can't be removed to make room for it, out it goes.

I don't worry about keeping it around for the gift-giver to see, but our gift-givers are not local. Still, if they do come to visit later and if they ask about the toy (and this has happened once) I just say the neighbor kids are borrowing it. That keeps folks happy cause it implies it's a popular toy.

So basically, I'll just deal with the stuff later. I still have control over how much "stuff" we have - I can either get rid of the new toy or an older one to make room for the newer one.

It's not a "total solution" because it still bugs me that so much crap is bought in the first place, supporting manufacturers and retailers who sell this crap. And it ends up in the landfill no matter what I do (even if I give the thing to another happy home). And it is frustrating that useful things couldn't be given in its place. And it creates more work for me to have to deal with it. But I have found that nothing I do really makes a difference - people WANT to buy crap, and they DON'T like being told, suggested, or pleaded with to buy I would like them to buy (or to abstain either). Nothing I do changes this, so instead of ruining relationships over this, I will just take on the effort of getting rid of things I don't care to keep.

ETA: DD, who just turned 3, has not yet noticed anything I've gotten rid of. I know the day will come, though. I am thinking I will just make it a routine - when you get new toys, you pick which toys go bye-bye to make room. And the new toy can be picked, if you don't like it that much.