He can read but he won't read ?

[joensally]

My son is almost six. For the past year-plus he's been able to read, but refuses to. At four, he used to look at non-fiction books and clearly would read text fluently (regardless of the complexity or uniqueness of the words), so long as it was larger print and distinct from other print. This triggered our taking him to a developmental optometrist. He got glasses to correct the issue (he was basically seeing everything double). With the glasses, he began to grudgingly read fiction early readers to us. We did not pressure him, but would occasionally say things like "hey, how about you read this before (or after) we read this to you." Half the time he'd go along with it, half the time he rejected it. He has never particularly liked to be read to, although he heard on PBS that parents are supposed to so now likes to have a bedtime story (my kid entertains me no end!)

Fast forward a year from getting the glasses. He generally refuses to wear his glasses and to read at all. He regularly reads environmental print when he thinks no one is paying attention , and on the rare occasion he will read he appears to have a large sight-word inventory and a good understanding of phonics.

BUT - he won't read. I asked what reading was, and he told me "reading is a process where people want to know what words say...but I'm not one of those people." He asserts that he learns what he needs to know from pictures, and rejected the pro/con list we did together regarding the benefits of reading. I do not know why he's so adamant about this. We are not harping on him about this - we maybe suggest reading activities weekly at most.

Why do I care when he takes it up?
-we're a family of voracious readers; he has carried a book around with him since he started walking. Why not read them??
-he is a very active, busy person and I think reading and being able to access more information directly and independently would bring him joy
-I'm homeschooling him through the local PS system and I know that there'll be some expectation that he demonstrate his abilities. Also, there are certain activities/opportunities he can't participate in until he's reading
-I think reading might be the gateway to writing

He's very independent and a divergent thinker. I love this about him, but think he may be resisting something because he doesn't recognize the value it holds for him.

Does anyone have any ideas for me? I'd love to figure out a way to open this up for him.

[MyLittleWonders]

Honestly, I would just give him time. When my oldest was 4'ish, he started reading words. We worked with word families together; he could read the first set of the Bob books. Then, he stopped. We backed off, and when he turned 6, I started back in working with him to read. He refused. We actually had big tantrums for a week or so until finally I called the truce. He could never really verbalize why, but it was clear to me there was something underlying his opposition to reading. Now that he is seven, he is more willing to read (he's still a very beginning reader) and do phonics/sight word work to improve his reading. It's still a struggle at times, but he has matured and developed so much from last year. And just for reference, we too are a family that loves to read. He LOVES to be read to. We have books everywhere. We sit on the couch and read all types of things - myths, legends, picture books, chapter books, classics, nonfiction, encyclopedias ... he loves looking at pictures and being read to. He just had to develop to an age/stage where he was ready to try it. So, just based on our experience with our son, I would give him some space. Allow him some time to develop overall and try again in a few months/half a year/year. Especially if you know he can do it, let him decide when he's ready to do it. And for now, just keep reading to him and leaving things around for him to look at if he wishes. Just my two cents. Hope it helps a bit.

[Lillian J]

He's awfully young, and he's clearly bright enough that he'll be picking up books to get information out of them when he's good and ready. I howled with laughter at his comment that ""reading is a process where people want to know what words say...but I'm not one of those people." Sounds to me like he's thought about it and knows how he feels right now - but that he'll feel differently when he's a bit older. And in the meantime, since you love reading, you can keep his enjoyment of books alive by reading lots and lots of wonderful things to him - I read to my son till he was 12, when he started into books on his own, and those are some very fond memories for both us... Until he was 12, he only read to get information, but not for pleasure. Once he took off, he became a voracious reader. He didn't get interested in writing at all until he was in his mid-teens and had something he wanted to write about for other people, his friends who also loved to exchange writing experiments in emails and IMs. By that time, he'd been read to so much and had learned to love reading so much that he had a good background in writing styles without having studied it, and he could talk about the differences between his favorite authors.

My son, by the way, had vision skill deficiencies, which are often buried in the background when glasses end up being prescribed but can be easily treated. Here's an article I wrote about our experiences: Taking a Look at Vision Skills.

- Lillian

[LauraLoo]

I don't have a lot of time to respond, but wanted to ask if you've tried having him read a page and then you read a page of a book -- will he even do that?

DS started to really balk about reading chapter books because they were "too long" or "had too many words on the pages." So, I started to break it down like this, and then I was reading, I started to pause on certain words (like I didn't know them) and he started to fill them in for me. The next thing I knew he was taking control of the whole book.

Some other things I did -- maybe something will work for you....
I also had a conversation with ds once about all the different names for the same things, like couch, sofa, davenport, etc. I asked him if he knew how he could learn more of these (he didn't know) and I said by reading, of course! I talked about the ability to infer what a word meant by the context. I think something clicked there.....

AND, my ds still loves to go through our Encarta dictionary. I showed him this once to show him how many words were in our language. He was fascinated and now likes to read random pages.

On the note of being a divergent thinker -- I think reading is a lot of work for a divergent thinker compared to how interesting their inner world is already. So, really, as the pp's have already pointed out, he'll do it when he's interested or has another reason to do it.

(And I really do love his definition of what reading is, and his feelings on it!)

[4evermom]

I'd resolve to put the issue away for a year and revisit it then, since you've already figured out the vision issue (assuming it has been figured out correctly). My ds has changed so much in the past year, from age 6 to 7. He's made quite a few developmental leaps, though he still isn't quite reading. He has switched his attitude from reading is something other people do to reading is something he will be able to do soon. That's pretty big!

[LeftField]

I agree with the others. I have a similar story, except my son is at this point at 7. He started reading around 5, but then he required a very very long plateau period before he would even consider reading. It was with great difficulty that I convinced him that he could read a simple Dr Seuss book; I knew he could read much more than that but he's such a perfectionist that he really didn't believe he could do it.

Anyway, so he's at the point where your son is now, which is that he can read anything we put in front of him but he does not. He's also a divergent thinker (is your son visual-spatial learner too?; I can't remember).

We tried the thing where I read one sentence and then have him read one, etc. All he did was REALLY dig his heels in and it occurred to me that it was sucking the joy out of it for him. I felt like we were walking a dangerous line between reading for fun and turning reading into a chore. Like you, we also are a family of voracious readers and both my kids have enjoyed being read to for a long time. And my husband had the same question as you, which is "Why doesn't he read if he can and if reading would unlock the information he craves?"

One day, I suggested he read a page after me and he cried. I felt horrible. I didn't realize that he felt that strongly about it. It was just a suggestion. I was just trying to help. So, I promised myself that I would completely back off.

Here's the thing. He CAN read very well and that requires an understanding that is not just going to go away. He might get a little rusty but he's not going to completely lose the ability to read. Also, I'm pretty sure that when I read to them, that he often reads along in his head, looking at sentences of interest and just kind of going over it in his head. And he LOVES books. He's never going to stop loving books and at some point, he's going to want to read them himself. He has the best supportive environment for reading. So I'm taking a big step back and just continuing to read stuff to him without asking him to help me. I'm just reading for the fun of it and books are so fun that he will eventually want to read them himself.

In the meantime, I did get a couple of books for him at the library that I thought would be interesting. I never implied that he had to read them. There were zero expectations involved. It was just along the lines of, "I saw these books and thought of you." One was a joke book. Let me tell you. He read that. We heard hysterical laughter coming from his room and a recount of really horrible jokes. After I did this, a librarian told me that joke books are really popular with little boys. I'm also looking into comic books that are age-appropriate. My husband is an absolutely voracious reader who can't go one day without reading; when he was a little boy, he was very very resistant to reading and the only thing he would read were comic books. You would never know it now.

Oh! I thought of one more thing. My son is really into science. We got some encyclopedic books that he liked and I know that he was browsing and reading excerpts in there. The one he chose at the library was an arthropod encyclopedia for kids. He also has some of those DK Eyewitness books on the body. I know he has a dinosaur encyclopedia for kids that he's read bits of. And he's read the comic book sections of some reproduction books that we had read as a family ("It's so Amazing" et al). So, you might find that he likes kids' encyclopedic books on his favorite interests. Instead of just sitting down and reading paragraph after paragraph, the child can find a picture of interest and read factual blurbs.

HTH!

[2 in August]

If you really want him to enjoy reading, stop making it an issue. The more you push (even though you think you aren't, you kind of are), the more he's going to resist and the longer it will take for him to want to read. He's conceded to letting you read him a bedtime story. So use that time to read him wonderful stories that he will totally enjoy. That will show him how wonderful reading is. The rest of the time make him reading a non-issue.

My dd could read at 5-6ish, but refused to. Refused any attempt on my part to teach her. But now at 7 she suddenly is reading easy chapter books. She still doesn't get all the words right, but she reads them and gets the general meaning. She still won't read more than a page or so out loud to me, but after I put her to bed she stays up for close to an hour reading her books on her own.