Ashamed of how I am feeling about ds and baseball :( - Page 2

[Mallori]

My sons don't play. My younger ds might this year, but he's just come old enough for our league.

I have to tell you though, i've spent enough time watching at the field, with a nephew who plays. The biggest gifts are the kids who maybe aren't stars, but just that game. There was one boy in particular, who was really awful starting out, to the point that it was painful to watch. But let me tell you, that child had such a humor about him, and a way of rallying his team-mates. He was a favorite to watch just for that. Now, several years later, he's still playing. I'd say he's improved, but still maybe average. But dang he has fun.

It's just a really good reminder that sports at 8 years old isn't actually about the sport itself. It's about building character and teamwork, and working toward a goal that you really feel passionate about. If your son loves the game, let him spread his wings with it, he might be learning things you can't see.

I don't see the point in forcing other sports on him. He's already chosen his direction, and while you can change that forcefully, you can't change that in his heart.

[wildmonkeys]

I am feeling sorry I posted this. I know it is about my son. I AM supporting him. I was looking for support here for myself - after all I thought this was a parenting support board. I always support my kids, but I was trying to be honest that I have feelings about the situation. I find it easier to support my kids when I have support.

I shouldn't have used the word "force" I obviously never FORCE him to do anything, but I will suggest other activities I think he would enjoy while still supporting his decision to play baseball. Just like I would if he was a baseball STAR.

Anyway, peace out sorry again about discussing this. The longer I parent the more I realize that many of the feelings regarding parenting are better kept bottled up inside.

[babycarrier]

hope you can let yourself take a couple of games off when dh can be there. you sound like a really caring mom.

[amynbebes]

To me, baseball is about as fun as watching paint dry but I just can't imagine not going to my kids' games to support them, whether they're doing well or not.

[teachma]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Actually, I don't see what harm there would be in letting DH to go to the games while you stay home with the baby, and give the 4yo the choice of going with Daddy or staying home with Mommy.

I totally agree. My husband is the "soccer dad" in our family. I do Hebrew School, and Tae Kwan Do, and any other extra-curricular activity that comes our way. However, come Saturdays afternoons, dh takes ds to his games. My 4 year old is welcome to tag along, but she always chooses to stay with me.

[Ceinwen]

wildmonkeys - honestly, don't feel bad.

I'll be a dissenting opinion.

My almost six year old dd plays soccer - rec league.

I'd rather wax my cat than watch a Tiny Tot soccer game.

I went maybe three times over the summer, otherwise it was her and dh's thing. I do other things with her, kwim?

Do.not.beat.yourself.up.over.this.

I played (*ironically*) soccer all through highschool - my mother abhorred sitting in the dead heat watching a game she didn't enjoy or understand. She (too) came three or four times to cheer, otherwise I knew her and I had *mutual* things we enjoyed that we could do together.

Life's too short to stress about this. I say send your dp, encourage him to try something out in the off season - and have fun.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

I am feeling sorry I posted this. I know it is about my son. I AM supporting him. I was looking for support here for myself - after all I thought this was a parenting support board. I always support my kids, but I was trying to be honest that I have feelings about the situation. I find it easier to support my kids when I have support.

I shouldn't have used the word "force" I obviously never FORCE him to do anything, but I will suggest other activities I think he would enjoy while still supporting his decision to play baseball. Just like I would if he was a baseball STAR.

Anyway, peace out sorry again about discussing this. The longer I parent the more I realize that many of the feelings regarding parenting are better kept bottled up inside.

This made me so sad to read!

In my opinion, your devotion to your son-- the fact that you let him play, that you go to his games at all--- is just wonderful and so great. I hope that I can be as supportive of my daughter if she ever decides to pursue a sport I hate (and... I hate just about all of them!)

I think you are already going above and beyond. Honestly, I think moms in general are way too involved in their kids sporting lives.... WAY too involved. They are just games. Having spectators/coaches/etc is what makes league games different than the pickup games your son loved. :

If you had come on this board and said, "My daughter likes to play with barbies but she wants me to watch her play for 5 hours a day. I am really bored watching her play barbies, and I want to do other things. Is it okay for me to do other things, or do I need to watch her play with barbies?" I doubt many people-- or anyone-- would have called you out for "not supporting" your daughter. Just because the culture of team sports in America demands a bizarre amount of interaction from parents doesn't mean that our children *need* it.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by MaterPrimaePuellae

This made me so sad to read!

In my opinion, your devotion to your son-- the fact that you let him play, that you go to his games at all--- is just wonderful and so great. I hope that I can be as supportive of my daughter if she ever decides to pursue a sport I hate (and... I hate just about all of them!)

I think you are already going above and beyond. Honestly, I think moms in general are way too involved in their kids sporting lives.... WAY too involved. They are just games. Having spectators/coaches/etc is what makes league games different than the pickup games your son loved. :

If you had come on this board and said, "My daughter likes to play with barbies but she wants me to watch her play for 5 hours a day. I am really bored watching her play barbies, and I want to do other things. Is it okay for me to do other things, or do I need to watch her play with barbies?" I doubt many people-- or anyone-- would have called you out for "not supporting" your daughter. Just because the culture of team sports in America demands a bizarre amount of interaction from parents doesn't mean that our children *need* it.

What a great point!

Wildmonkeys, I am sorry you felt that you weren't getting support. I think encouraging another sport this winter is a great idea. You could just point out that there is a fun basketball league while baseball is out of season. Or whatever.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

LauraLoo - I am not embarrassed about what parents think about me. I am embarrassed for ds because I can tell he is embarrassed. I feel extremely nervous when he is batting because he looks terrified and miserable if he strikes out. I just really want him to hit it so he isn't miserable - as a result I am a bit embarrassed about how tensed up I feel and how letdown I am when he misses. Does that make sense?

This does make sense. You are very empathetic -- which is a very positive thing when it comes to parenting.

I do want to suggest that you give some thought to a couple of things. Kids are really perceptive, and I think it is very possible that your ds can sense your anxiety over this situation. But being a kid, he can completely be misunderstanding it - kwim? I believe that if you could change your focus to focusing on effort over outcome, you might find this situation more tolerable. I still think that it's really great that he is trying so hard at something that he loves. I know of too many people - adults and children - who give up when something gets hard. Giving up, to me, is more disappointing than not being good at something, but continuing to try. I also believe that it is useless to bang your head against the wall. I think allowing your ds to find out where that line is would be very helpful for him long term.

You've also mentioned that you have a previous history of sitting through baseball games for your brother and you hated it. I'm not sure what that was all about, and I don't really want to guess, but I'm wondering if this might be coloring how you feel about things right now.

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that you aren't supportive or caring about your ds, because it is obvious that it is. Quite honestly, I think that when someone like you posts something like this they really aren't looking for a quick answer, but something a little deeper to chew on. I don't know of any parents that have all the answers all the time. I certainly don't, so feel free to disregard anything that I've posted as being not helpful. You're always going to get a wide variety of advice on a board like this.

I think it's great that he's found a new activity, btw.

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by MaterPrimaePuellae

This made me so sad to read!

In my opinion, your devotion to your son-- the fact that you let him play, that you go to his games at all--- is just wonderful and so great. I hope that I can be as supportive of my daughter if she ever decides to pursue a sport I hate (and... I hate just about all of them!)

I think you are already going above and beyond. Honestly, I think moms in general are way too involved in their kids sporting lives.... WAY too involved. They are just games. Having spectators/coaches/etc is what makes league games different than the pickup games your son loved. :

If you had come on this board and said, "My daughter likes to play with barbies but she wants me to watch her play for 5 hours a day. I am really bored watching her play barbies, and I want to do other things. Is it okay for me to do other things, or do I need to watch her play with barbies?" I doubt many people-- or anyone-- would have called you out for "not supporting" your daughter. Just because the culture of team sports in America demands a bizarre amount of interaction from parents doesn't mean that our children *need* it.

great post. ITA.

And, btw, I completely "get" the cringing feeling. My DS briefly did judo. Thankfully he only did 8 weeks of a sort of "get to know the sport" thing. He didn't like it and wasn't good at it. DH and I went to the final lesson to which parents were invited. It was cringe-worthy. Not because I care if DS is good or not, but because he wasn't enjoying it, knew he wasn't good, and felt bad about it. I was just relieved he didn't want to go further with it. And, yes, I would have supported him in it if he had wanted to go further . . . . no flames, please!

[KBecks]

I wouldn't force him to change. Could you bring a book to the game?

[journeymom]

Hey, Wildmonkeys, if you're still around:

I'll just second what others said, give yourself a break, don't go to all of the games. There's a huge difference between a parent not going to any games because they hate the sport, and a parent not going to every game because they've simply got other things to do. You can be too busy to go to all the games. Your son doesn't need to know that you dislike the whole situation as well.

His personal disappointment: well, let that inspire him to work harder, if he wants to. Don't be too quick to pull him out, when this might be the beginning of his figuring out how to improve his skills. We hate to see our kids suffer. But he will have achieved so much if he feels some pain, struggles with it, and then makes some improvements on his own. Don't take that away from him.

Just a note, I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago when my rather unsporty daughter did softball for a season. It was agony for me out there. She really wasn't good at it. I hated spending two nights a week watching my daughter miss the ball almost every time. I'm pretty sure I hid it from her, though. I really don't know how but she was having a good time. Her coach was very professional and supportive even though I know she was frustrated with the situation.

The next spring she wanted to do it again, but, thank everything that is holy, her best friend got injured and couldn't play and dd didn't want to play without her.

[wildmonkeys]

LauraLoo - I thought your posts were very helpful. I tried to PM you, but it looks like you don't take PMs. Anyway, I thought what you said was very nice and helpful and thoughtful. It was the more short and snippy posts that made me wish I hadn't stuck myself out there.

Anyway, ds played baseball today. He was AMAZING. I still hated it For the record, he never knew I was uneasy last week. Anyway, he hit 4 for 4 today. He stole a base. He played catcher and 3rd and was amazing...I think I still lost a ton of hair. Maybe I can keep going, but take a load of drugs : I just hate the set-up of baseball, I guess that is why I NEVER played, never go to pro games, etc. etc. etc. That being said, he actually seemed happy after the game and this afternoon so I am not feeling negative - if he is happy then I am not resentful, you know?

[bl987ue]

Don't beat yourself up about hating baseball, and don't feel like you MUST attend all his games, either. He knows you care, and I doubt very much that it matters to him if you attend every single game, especially if you are trying to ride herd on a couple of littler ones. The way my husband and I work the sports is that it is a primarily father-son deal, his special DAD time, and I attend sometimes.

[AngelBee]

I am glad you were honest about your feelings.

Being honest though doesn't guarentee people will agree with how you feel. I was honest in my previous reponse. I did not want to be hurtful but maybe help you see it from another side.

Please don't ever hide your feelings. But do be prepared to hear responses that you would rather not hear.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

LauraLoo - I thought your posts were very helpful. I tried to PM you, but it looks like you don't take PMs.

I'm not sure why you couldn't PM me.....hmmmm.. My box wasn't full.
Anyway, I'm glad that he had a successful game. It probably raised his self-confidence a great deal!

Try PM'ing me again if you'd like.