Originally Posted by JSMa
If you look around and read many of the posts within this forum, they are very contradictory to the "blaming Mom is just an excuse."
I agree full heartedly with Oriole... it is much more work for the NCP to stay involved, and when you are trying to work with a CP who really doesn't care, it makes it even harder...
You can only take bending over backwards and being a doormat and doing your best to be a prescence in someone's life when the door keeps being shut in your face over and over again.
I would say DH was the primary caretaker of DSD before the divorce. He worked nights and watched her all day for a couple of years. But his lawyer told him flat out he had no chance at primary custody because he worked nights, and because he left the house, which courts see as child abandonment... where the judge wanted him to stay in the house when he came home to find another man in his bed is beyond me!
But anyway... He has always been an involved Father, but beyond our control DSD's Mom has found ways to keep cutting our time short. We don't have money to just take her to court to enforce the custody agreement... nor from what I have read here will it likely do any good, just a waste of money.
So who should we really blame? Not Mom? I certainly don't see anyone else to blame...
My dad blamed my mom for all his years of not being involved, my ds's sperm donor blames me for not seeing "his son" for almost three years (my son isn't yet 4). In both cases it is an excuse, its bulls**t.
My brother and his wife divorced, he was the primary caregiver of his two daugthers. He got joint (50/50 now) custody and joint legal. He fought for it, its tiring for him still, to have to deal with all the crap and all of the roadblocks that his ex puts up. She just recently switched my nieces school without telling him, they live about a mile apart. Is is frustrating for him, yep, is it a hassle to have to go to court and file a complaint, yep, but he does it, every.single.time she violates the order. Thats why he has equal custody now. He doesn't use an attorney to file the complaints, he doesn't need one, he can do it on his own.
For those fathers who are dealing with an uncooperative and difficult mother, like my brother is, I know its tiring and frustrating. But you know what, so is raising a kid on your own, so is having to explain to your kid why he doesn't know his dad. I don't care how tiring and frustrating it is for dad, ITS YOUR KID. You bend over backwards as long as you have to, you get treated like a doormat as long as you have to, ITS YOUR KID. How many moms do you see throwing in the towel because they are tired of dealing with the drama that comes with dealing with their kids father? Its few and far between. Its not impossible, I get so tired of hearing how unfair the court system is to fathers. It may take time and work, but ITS YOUR KID, you do what it takes to see them and stop blaming the mom, she does not have all the control, it may just take a little extra diligence on his part, as it my brother's case. If he had the attitude that it wasn't worth it to file complaints against his ex for violations he would rarely see his kids. It was and is worth to him but it doesn't come without a little work and diligence. Kind of like raising a child.