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Do courts favor the mom? - Page 2

post #21 of 28
In my as unbiased opinion as I can possibly get, courts don't favor mom or dad. They favor themselves. Courts are too busy CYAing than anything else.

Who should courts favor? The children.
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
In my as unbiased opinion as I can possibly get, courts don't favor mom or dad. They favor themselves. Courts are too busy CYAing than anything else.

Who should courts favor? The children.
post #23 of 28

OH BOY...deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath!!!!!!

I can't speak for Canada,
BUT being a single mother who went thru custody hell with a sociopath, I CAN say that it I agree with protolawyer, YES it depends on the area, the state and more importantly the JUDGE!!!!!!

I'ts also been my experience that judges have ego's bigger than the great outdoors!!! DON"T piss them off, don't come off as petty, mean, unyielding, or anything else of that sort, EVEN if your feeling it, ALWAYS take the high road. AND I MEAN ALWAYS!!!!

a little background here.... I have a 6 yr old. i've litterally been in litigation with custody from the time he was 1yr til he was almost 5. and i do mean HELL!, the underhanded crap that went on, the lies, the physical abuse of myself and my DS, the$ spent OH the $$$, that I will NEVER see again.

Anyhoo, he finally gave, left me with DS, and didn't bother to look back. I don't hear from him, I don't get CS, nothing. Just walked away.

WHY?.. because I fought the good fight. He did not. He wanted my son ONLY to hurt me, not because he wanted to father him. In the end, it was truely My willfulness that got me what I wanted, this mama bear did what ever she had to to protect her cub.

When I was younger, ( I turned 30 last month) me and my brother were also the subject of a nasty custody dispute between our parents. My mother wound up with us full time, my dad got visits sporadically.
My mother is now a family/criminal lawyer. I guess she liked winning arguements;-) She's actually pretty damn good too!

But truth be know I don't have a good relationship with my mom, but I do my dad. Could have something to do with the fact that my mom also a willful woman, didn't want to give up custody, but didn't really like children either


What have I learned from past 30yrs? (relating to custody and court battles)

Trust yourself.
Think beyond YOUR feelings/needs.
Fight the GOOD fight.
Don't be a jerk, your kids WILL remember this, and even if you have to fake being nice to your X, and then go home and smoke a bowl because doing so raised your blood pressure 100pts, it's worth it!!!!!!;-) You DO catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Depending on how long you've been going at it with your X, it might take a while before he/she comes to THE honey!!!!! Give it time. I PROMISE you it IS worth it.

ALSO, if your X gets a new BF/GF, USE THIS to YOUR advantage!!!!!.....AFTER you've had a while to practise being nice :-) he/she will be singing a different tune. They will prolly WANT to give you more custody/visitations, because lets face it, having "relations" isn't easy when you've got kids around!!!

Like I said, be nice and slather on that honey! THIS mamma KNOWS!
post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo View Post
I can't speak for Canada,
BUT being a single mother who went thru custody hell with a sociopath, I CAN say that it I agree with protolawyer, YES it depends on the area, the state and more importantly the JUDGE!!!!!!

I'ts also been my experience that judges have ego's bigger than the great outdoors!!! DON"T piss them off, don't come off as petty, mean, unyielding, or anything else of that sort, EVEN if your feeling it, ALWAYS take the high road. AND I MEAN ALWAYS!!!!

a little background here.... I have a 6 yr old. i've litterally been in litigation with custody from the time he was 1yr til he was almost 5. and i do mean HELL!, the underhanded crap that went on, the lies, the physical abuse of myself and my DS, the$ spent OH the $$$, that I will NEVER see again.

Anyhoo, he finally gave, left me with DS, and didn't bother to look back. I don't hear from him, I don't get CS, nothing. Just walked away.

WHY?.. because I fought the good fight. He did not. He wanted my son ONLY to hurt me, not because he wanted to father him. In the end, it was truely My willfulness that got me what I wanted, this mama bear did what ever she had to to protect her cub.

When I was younger, ( I turned 30 last month) me and my brother were also the subject of a nasty custody dispute between our parents. My mother wound up with us full time, my dad got visits sporadically.
My mother is now a family/criminal lawyer. I guess she liked winning arguements;-) She's actually pretty damn good too!

But truth be know I don't have a good relationship with my mom, but I do my dad. Could have something to do with the fact that my mom also a willful woman, didn't want to give up custody, but didn't really like children either


What have I learned from past 30yrs? (relating to custody and court battles)

Trust yourself.
Think beyond YOUR feelings/needs.
Fight the GOOD fight.
Don't be a jerk, your kids WILL remember this, and even if you have to fake being nice to your X, and then go home and smoke a bowl because doing so raised your blood pressure 100pts, it's worth it!!!!!!;-) You DO catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Depending on how long you've been going at it with your X, it might take a while before he/she comes to THE honey!!!!! Give it time. I PROMISE you it IS worth it.

ALSO, if your X gets a new BF/GF, USE THIS to YOUR advantage!!!!!.....AFTER you've had a while to practise being nice :-) he/she will be singing a different tune. They will prolly WANT to give you more custody/visitations, because lets face it, having "relations" isn't easy when you've got kids around!!!

Like I said, be nice and slather on that honey! THIS mamma KNOWS!

Sounds like you've been through the wringer! Glad to see your LO is with the parent who's the most interested in him (rather than a parent with some ulterior motive).

Fighting for years is hard. Mr Toona has been in the fight for 16 of the 17 years of DSD-17's life, and nearly all of my DSD-6's life. It's a painful, hard and costly struggle (costly meaning more than money - it's costly in terms of the upbringing of the children).

But, as the "new" woman in his life (not really, we've been together six years, but I am the not-the-momma), just wanted to let you know that not all stepmoms (or stepdads) want less time with their DSC. My DSC really actually set my life path in a different direction. I was not going to ever have kids pre-Mr Toona, but my DSC melted my heart instantly. When my DSS, who was 2 at the time, handed me his first present: a booger. I knew my heart was with these kids as much as with their poppa.
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
That's the myth of court, because I know many people think if they have the court ordered agreement, everything will move along like that because it's written. Written is one thing, proof is another, enforceable is often another thing too.
This has certainly been what I have found. I have been advised that ex would likely only get a slap on the wrist for violating our court order if anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
I don't have any easy solutions or answers to the questions you've asked. Divorce can be difficult for everyone at different times and in different ways. I hope you can find a way to rise above what's happening and find a solution that is best for the child(ren) first of all and everyone else too.

I wish you peace & love.
:



ex has claimed he wants to be more involved in DDs life. Fine with me I let him know I am open to his being more involved. I always make sure he is aware of DDs medical appointments but he has not "been able" to make it to a single one since before he left officially in March 2007 or even asks about the appointments afterwards. I used to tell him about all of her activities and welcomed him to attend but stopped because he said he did not want to be a part of our family and no longer wanted to be involved. From March 2007 until about about March 2008 I made nightly bedtime phone calls to him so he could say good night to DD. Only stopping because more calls were going unanswered then answered and it was upseting for DD to want to speak to him only to have to explain that he wasnt "home". Not to mention the fact that more phone calls I got nothing but grief and complaints from ex and went I tried to place a boundary that those bedtime calls were not to be about discussing parenting and only for DD he failed to agree to follow through. Recently Ex has made promises to DD that he will call and never does. Which is very upsetting to DD who loves to talk on the phone.
The only one getting hurt by all his games is DD. I am far beyond allowing it to hurt me and insteed have commited myself to giving DD the best life possible all on my own and not excepting ex's input at all.


LOL if non-custodials think it is hard to maintain a relationship with their children. I can certainly see how it has its challenges but they should put themselves in the custodials postion. They are the ones in "trenches" doing all the little things that two parents normally are responsible for often while being called controlling and manipulative by bitter exs who often have difficulty seing the line between old grudges and parenting in the childs best interests.

By the way I love all you step mummas and step pappa who get you are not subsitute parents and you cannot replace your step childrens parents and insteed are hands on bonus family members who love and support your partners, their children and the ex is struggle to maintain a strong family bond for the sake of the children
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
Who should courts favor? The children.
: Damn straight they should to bad everyone looses sight of this. And of course what this means is different in every case.
post #27 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
I was not going to ever have kids pre-Mr Toona, but my DSC melted my heart instantly. When my DSS, who was 2 at the time, handed me his first present: a booger. I knew my heart was with these kids as much as with their poppa.
Teeny this is beautiful :
post #28 of 28
toona, a booger?....AWE!..... thats too funny. I too have recieved THOSE gifts!!!!,,,lol

Yes, I've been thru the wringer, I'm sorry to heat that your mr. has been too. Too many people that divorce or separate can't see thru their own anger and such to SEE the impact that they have on their children. Your mr.s son WILL know who fought the good fight, he will, I promise.

I second what bear said about the stepparents that STEP UP!
NOthing is MORE important to a child than to know that the step parent loves them too and HAS thier back! I was more or less refering to those (like my X's gf, that HATES my son) Or are not chld friendly in general.

Don't worry mamas, I used her hatred. I used it and used it and used it until she she hated EVERYONE and pressured my X to choose between her and his first born child.

HOW did I do this? Kill em with kindness!::

blessings and DOUBLE blessings for all of you who love anothers child just because it IS the right thing to do!!!!!
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