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Oh no! My 5 year old wants to shave her head!  

post #1 of 65
9/15/08 at 2:02pm
Thread Starter 
My five year old daughter really wants to shave her head (with clippers, not a razor) and I don't know what to do!

My husband shaves his head regularly. He has a receding hairline and prefers to keep his hair as short as possible, and doesn't see the point in paying anyone to do it. So he breaks out the clippers and takes it all off every three weeks or so.

I went completely bald myself twice: once several years before Denali was born, and again when she was about 10 months old. We have lots of pictures from that time, and she sees them come up often on our computer slide show screensaver. So to her, bald heads are a regular thing for either sex.

The past week she has told us that she wants to have a bald head, that she wants to "take all my hair off and be bald like papa." Her heart is set on it, and she seems very, very certain that this is what she wants to do.

We've tried to explain very well about what that mean: she will have no hair for about a month, and very short hair for a long, long time after. Her hair won't be as long as it is now until about three years have passed. It is coming on winter, and her head will be a lot colder. A lot of people are going to ask her why she cut off all of her hair, and several of them, especially family, will be sad (she has spectacular curly hair that everyone loves). Some people may ask if she had bugs in her hair and cut it off because of that.

I've tried to paint a very realistic picture for her, and she is still certain that she wants to shave it all off. She does not want a short hair cut, she wants it ALL off.

I am really torn. My husband has the belief that it is her body and therefor her choice. Since it is not permanent there is no harm in letting her change her hair and appearance this way.
I, on the other hand I feel really sad. Though I had a wonderful time when I shaved my own head it just doesn't feel the same when I try to picture my little five year old girl without hair. She's so young, and her hair suits her down to the ground. I don't know if I'm ready for the constant, "What did you do THAT for" comments I'm going to get for the next four months.
I know I would be sad if I had a son and he wanted to lose all his hair too, but I probably would have an easier time letting him do so. And THAT makes me feel weird, too: that I have that gender hang-up. It shouldn't matter whether it is a girl or buy that wants to go hairless.

What would you do if this was your five year old daughter that wanted to try going bald?
post #2 of 65
9/15/08 at 2:07pm
I'm sorry, but that's the point I'd be breaking out the "I'm Mommy and mommy says no" trump card. She'll have plenty of time to go through identity crises when she's a teenager - and you don't have to bear the brunt of the questioning relatives' annoyance.

Since Halloween's coming up, maybe you can get her one of those bald wigs at a costume shop, and she can "play" to have a bald head like Papa?
post #3 of 65
9/15/08 at 2:12pm
Maybe you could compromise and find a head shaving event for cancer and let her do it then?
post #4 of 65
9/15/08 at 2:32pm
Could you compromise a bit? What if she cut some to start? See if she likes it. Then you could leave it or go shorter in increments so it is not so shocking. I fear if you don't give her some control over this, your next thread could be one of the "OMG look what DD did to her hair" ones.
post #5 of 65
9/15/08 at 3:24pm
I would mostly be worried about other people's comments and hang ups. You know, from all those people who think girls should have long hair

Like you, I would be clear about what the possible negative results could be. However, if she was still insistent, I'd let my own 5 year old have at it. It's temporary.

ETA: I just read the other replies. If you are REALLY opposed to it, I like the compromises that the previous two posters suggest.
post #6 of 65
9/15/08 at 4:00pm
To be perfectly honest... As sad as I would be to see my DD's hair go (she has georgious hair too) I would let her do it. I see no reason to make her keep her hair just because other people like it and IMO it teaches the lesson that other peoples opinions are more important then hers when it comes to her own body.
post #7 of 65
9/15/08 at 4:03pm
eh, it would be an adventure for sure, but I wouldn't oppose.

What I might do is stall for a little while and see if it phases out. I like the cancer idea too.
post #8 of 65
9/15/08 at 4:16pm
Is she prone to liking hair clips and such? I'd just want to make sure she realized she wouldn't be able to use them. Though it would be cute if you left a chunk in front long that could be braided or beribboned if that's the case.
post #9 of 65
9/15/08 at 4:27pm
I'd go over possible bad reactions from other people, and then let her decide. It's just hair. It'll grow back.

And if I based every decision I made on what nosy relatives or passers-by might say, I'd be parenting a very different way indeed.
post #10 of 65
9/15/08 at 4:33pm
As long as she understands what it will look like and how long it will take to grow back, I'd let her do it. I might try to talk her into a mohawk for cuteness' sake, though...
post #11 of 65
9/15/08 at 5:25pm
I'd probably stall and see if she forgets about it. Three years is a LONG time if she changes her mind after she's bald and wants to have hair back!

I like the idea of the bald wig thing, too - so she can see what it will look like, sorta.
post #12 of 65
9/15/08 at 5:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
To be perfectly honest... As sad as I would be to see my DD's hair go (she has georgious hair too) I would let her do it. I see no reason to make her keep her hair just because other people like it and IMO it teaches the lesson that other peoples opinions are more important then hers when it comes to her own body.

Very well said.
post #13 of 65
9/15/08 at 5:36pm
I'd absolutely let my five year old daughter shave her head. My four year old is rather opposed to the idea, but if she changed her mind I'd have no trouble with it.

If it helps you on the "what other people think" front, my son was bald last fall and, when dressed in his favorite clothing (pink sweatshirt, pink t-shirt, pink cords and a pink jacket) was constantly mistaken for a girl. "How long has she been sick?" "He's perfectly healthy, thanks."
post #14 of 65
9/15/08 at 5:42pm
I ended up getting my waist length hair cut when I was 4 and spent the rest of my life trying to grow it back out.

On the other hand, it sounds like your DD did way more thinking about her haircut desire than I did about any of my haircuts except the last one and the last style change is the only one I have 100% not regretted.
post #15 of 65
9/15/08 at 7:14pm
My gut reaction is no way no how. However, could you stall her until spring, and use the weather as an excuse, and if she still really wants to, then do it then?
post #16 of 65
9/15/08 at 7:26pm
Well I have the opposite issue. My DS loves really long hair and wont cut it. To be honest I am totally fine with it but of course we get all the negative comments. Hair is one thing I would allow them to have a choice on. If she goes really short and doesnt like it the hair will grow back and she will have learned a life lesson.
post #17 of 65
9/15/08 at 7:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
To be perfectly honest... As sad as I would be to see my DD's hair go (she has georgious hair too) I would let her do it. I see no reason to make her keep her hair just because other people like it and IMO it teaches the lesson that other peoples opinions are more important then hers when it comes to her own body.
this is a super good point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by flowers View Post

What I might do is stall for a little while and see if it phases out.
my dd really wanted a mullet and I really couldn't hack the idea. she also wants bangs and we haven't done that, either, but if she really insisted, absolutely, she could have bangs and even (groan) a mullet. On the mullet, stalling worked. on the bangs, we'll see.
post #18 of 65
9/15/08 at 7:39pm
I don't have a daughter who is 5 but do have a son who will be 5 soon. He wants his hair to grow long like him mom and sister. He wants a ponytail.
Luckily, this takes time, and I'm interested to see how long he'll want this hairstyle. Clipping you daughter's hair could go pretty quickly. Eek! However, it will grow back. How long is it? Could she donate it to a cause for people who need hair.
post #19 of 65
9/15/08 at 8:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
My gut reaction is no way no how. However, could you stall her until spring, and use the weather as an excuse, and if she still really wants to, then do it then?
While I'm all in favor of letting her shave her head, as someone who's actually been bald a few times I think that this is a really good point. Hair makes a huge difference when it comes to staying warm in the winter.
post #20 of 65
9/15/08 at 8:25pm
Since she wants it shaved, tell her it has to be done in stages to make it easier to clip. I'd start with cutting a few inches off. Then in a few minutes, I'd cut some a few more. Then a few more. Then more until it's quite short, then buzz it. That way you'll be respecting what she wants to do with her body, and you'll be giving her the chance to change her mind.

Even some hairdressers will cut like that if someone is going drastically short. Just because you think you want a buzz cut, doesn't mean you won't change your mind half way there when the reality hits you.
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