Fairies and my daughter

[Stella_luna]

My 6-year-old daughter has always loved fairies, elves, etc. It always thought it was very cute, but her belief in fairies has gotten a little crazy. She INSISTS that fairies are real, and now there is a crowd of girls at school who are apprently making fun of her and pushing her on the playground because she insists fairies are real. I try to be noncommittal on this (telling her things like, "just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't real), which ENRAGES her, and she starts screaming, "YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!" I am wondering if it is time for me just to break it to her that there ARE no fairies, but I hate to break her heart. On the other hand, I don't like what's going on at school, either! HELP! I don't know what to do about Santa and the Tooth Fairy either at this point . . .

[pinecone]

I don't think you should squash her belief in fairies, it is beautiful, and you don't really know that they don't exist. I'd be much more concerned with the lack of tolerance by the other students at her school, regardless of what your DD's beliefs are. She doesn't need to convince them believe too, but she does deserve to be left to her own ideas without harassment! I'd speak to someone at the school about this.

FWIW my daughter has come home from school saying there has been much discussion of ghosts and is now afraid to go up in her room alone. I had to remind her that a heart full of love will never be bothered by ghosts.

Good luck!

[hollycat]

id love to offer advice - but i believe in fairies.

[adtake]

I agree with pp...you can't say for sure there are no fairies. Let is be. If she 'believes' in fairies so be it. Now as for her being picked on at school maybe you could approach it like this... 'Honey, I know you love and belive in fairies, but sometimes other people don't belive like we do. Maybe it would be best if you didn't talk about fairies around your friends who don't belive?'

I swear my 3rd son would sit in his highchair and talk to 'Bob' up near the ceiling. We just decided it was a fairy. So we named him Bob. And how can you explain babies and cats...staring into space and talking to nothing....

Hope it gets better!!

[MusicianDad]

And how can you explain babies and cats...staring into space and talking to nothing....

Ghosts. Children and animals are more intune to the spiritual world then adults. It may be nothing to you, but Bob could very well be real.

OP: Along with everyone else, I see no benifit from telling your dd that fairies don't exsist. That isn't the problem, the problem is lack of tolerence that that's what needs to be addressed.

[roostery]

Originally Posted by Stella_luna

My 6-year-old daughter has always loved fairies, elves, etc. It always thought it was very cute, but her belief in fairies has gotten a little crazy. She INSISTS that fairies are real, and now there is a crowd of girls at school who are apprently making fun of her and pushing her on the playground because she insists fairies are real. I try to be noncommittal on this (telling her things like, "just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't real), which ENRAGES her, and she starts screaming, "YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!" I am wondering if it is time for me just to break it to her that there ARE no fairies, but I hate to break her heart. On the other hand, I don't like what's going on at school, either! HELP! I don't know what to do about Santa and the Tooth Fairy either at this point . . .

I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible! I think that this isn't really about your daughter believing in fairies, it's more about the kids at school deciding to pick on someone and choosing a reason why. Have you talked to the school? And maybe brainstorm with your daughter about some strategies for dealing with the bullies? That is what I would do.

(And good for her, defending her beliefs)

[Stella_luna]

You are all so wonderful! I love your replies. Of course I don't want to undermine her belief in fairies. It is so sweet, and such a lovely thing to believe. I just don't want her to alienate her human peers (or get teased). But you're all right, her adherence to her beliefs is commendable and I should focus on the intolerance of her beliefs. DD did tell the recess monitor what was happening, and the recess monitor told the other kids to leave her alone, but also added that there is no such thing as fairies. And apparently the harassing is continuiing anyway. DH told DD to tell the kids that they can't prove there are no fairies. I guess the next step is talking to her teacher to make sure the monitor is actually protecting DD from these girls.

[DevaMajka]

We don't do Santa et al, as in, we don't tell ds they are real. We tell him that it's fun to pretend, and kinda treat it the same way we treat Thomas the Train (trains that talk) and Winnie the Pooh, etc. I'm obsessively honest with him.
But I'm fairly certain I would not tell him that fairies don't exist. Because I honestly truly don't know. I like fairies, and sometimes I do believe they exist- as in, nature spirits etc. I would keep it honest with him and all that. I wouldn't tell him that fairies come in the night and pick up his toys or anything lol.
He has an "imaginary friend" named Hanky that could, as far as I know, not be imaginary, as the pp said. I wouldn't dream of telling ds that Hanky wasn't real (though I have expressed that I don't see/hear Hanky).

I think talking to your dd about people not believing the same way she does is a good idea. Kinda like people who tell their kids Santa isn't real tell them to keep it a secret from other kids- something like that maybe?

[OceansEve]

I definately believe kids can see things we can't. While she may be saying faeries, there may be SOMETHING she really is seeing and faeries is just the most convenient known word for her. If she can grasp the idea, maybe explain that while she has the right to believe in faeries, she should be just as accepting in their nonbelief? That you don't have to force people into believing what you do? I dunno if a 6 yo can grasp that or not...

[Princess ConsuelaB]

What everyone else said I wouldn't tell her that they don't exist. Lots of adults believe in them too, in a very real way My girls strongly believe, they know that not everyone does and are tolerant of that...because this is a tolerance issue really, no matter what one believes says or does it's the bullying that needs to be put a stop to

[Ellien C]

Gosh - when we heard a distant bell tinkle last summer with my 5 yo, I asked her if she heard the fairy bells. We always look for fairies in the mushrooms that sprout. But I think she knows it's our little game. Around here, Queen Mab leaves good dreams but sometimes puts a tangle in here hair!

I just read an article about bullying and I think they are now suggesting that children learn techniques on how not to be victims. You might try googling about that. Apparently the anti-bullying programs at school don't work well because the perps don't see themselves in the materials. At any rate I think you should also talk to the lunch monitor, but maybe also find a way to equip your DD with responses that empower her.

[philomom]

Sorry, no santa or tooth fairy here at our house. I would not encourage her belief that fairies are real unless she's in a Waldorf school setting that encourages that. Kids can be funny about the truth and you want to be very careful not to lie to her. I'm not saying squash her, but don't lie either.

[Masel]

Perhaps the fairies could engage you DD in helping to maintain their masquarade.