disconnect from older child rather than baby?

[berkeleyp]

I have been having a generally hard time lately - feeling lonely, stuck, and having a hard time not being really frustrated/angry with my 3yo. I always read that ppd involves feelings of unlove/disconnect from the new baby but I never feel this way toward the baby - but sometimes I honestly don't like my 3yo and feel like she would be better off without me and that I am hopeless as a parent to her. Is this common?

[ctdoula]

(I found this thread through new posts, sorry to bardge in).

I just wanted to say that I think having those types of feelings towards the older child is pretty common & normal. You almost go into a "mama bear" mode with the new baby, and see them as sweet, new, lovey,etc. While the older ones are just annoying, loud, etc. I know I had that type of transition when my #2 was born. I know people had warned me about it, but I never thought I'd have those feelings about my sweet daughter. Eventually things calmed down and I was able to transition into the mother of both and love them both completely.

I don't know where the line is however for you. I think some of those feelings are normal, but you're feelings may be tending towards PPD (maybe the two mixed together). HUGS!!

[mom0810]

This is common and can be PPD. It's your feelings of worthlessness as a mother to the older baby that worry me a bit. I would talk to your midwife or OB and see what they think. Or, if you have a therapist that would be great.

Check out www.postpartum.net to get more info.

[H & J's Mom]

Originally Posted by ctdoula

(I found this thread through new posts, sorry to bardge in).

I just wanted to say that I think having those types of feelings towards the older child is pretty common & normal. You almost go into a "mama bear" mode with the new baby, and see them as sweet, new, lovey,etc. While the older ones are just annoying, loud, etc. I know I had that type of transition when my #2 was born. I know people had warned me about it, but I never thought I'd have those feelings about my sweet daughter. Eventually things calmed down and I was able to transition into the mother of both and love them both completely.

I don't know where the line is however for you. I think some of those feelings are normal, but you're feelings may be tending towards PPD (maybe the two mixed together). HUGS!!

This reply made me feel so much better ... nice to know I'm not the only one.

I didn't have PPD but can definitely relate. Disconnected from DD says it very well for me. I got very wrapped up with beautiful new baby and trying to get through the teething, sleeping, feeding, rocking, etc that seems to be so consuming for the first 1.5 years or so.

I have to stop and remind myself that DD is only a child herself. I think because she is a lot older than DS (8.5 years older) I tend to overlook her sometimes and assume she is doing ok without me

I have been feeling a lot better lately (DS is almost 2) and really making an effort to be more connected with DD and I'm loving it. I really missed her/us. I knew all along that there was something wrong but I just didn't feel like myself and couldn't/didn't make the effort. I kinda felt like I was in a fog for awhile .... hard to explain.

DD was quite tickled the other day when she mentioned that I hadn't gotten cranky with her all day ...

I know for me that DH was a huge help, he seemed to know that DD needed more of him.

I hope you have a good support system.