Force and the Special Needs Child (also in SN Parenting)

[fairejour]

As many of you know, my DD is Deaf. Miss Kat will be getting surgery in the next few weeks to receive a cochlear implant. The decision has been long and thought out because we are very against the idea of changing her body without her consent, and because we believe that she is just fine without the ability to hear....but that is a whole other debate/thread.

ANYWAY, when she receives this device, she will need to wear it consistanly to gain any benefit from it. It will take up to a year of wearing it all waking hours to start to see real gains.

Sooooooo, my question is...what if she hates it? Should I force her to wear it? Does that include physical coercion? How long do I push the issue if she clearly dislikes using it? 1 month? 3 months? A year? Until she is old enough to make the decision herself?

Where do I draw the line between doing what is best for her and allowing her control over her own body?

[waiting2bemommy]

I just saw your thread from the main page and wanted to respond. First, I'm sorry you had to make such a tough decision. I would GUESS that in the future she will thank you for offereing her the opportunity to be able to hear, but who's to say? I think, though, that if you feel that her need/right to be hearing is improtant enough to undergo surgery, then it is important enough to insist that she wear the device for however long her doctors specify. IOW, if you don't plan on following through with wearing the device, the surgery is meaningliess. (I'm sure it is nto taht black-and-white, sorry if I'm oversimplifying.) OTOH, we had a little girl last year who use to flush her hearing aids down the toilet, so i know how frstrating it can be for child and adult when the child really HATES it.

[fairejour]

We have never considered just not using the device. We are trying to figure out how far we are willing to go to keep it on her.
She has had hearing aids since she was 18 months, and it was challenging to get her to wear them for a few weeks and then she saw benefits and stopped fighting.
The problem is that the CI is only held in place by a magnet. It is easy to remove. I have heard from other parents that they sit on the child and have the other parent put it on. Other parents talk about holding their children on their laps, holding their arms down for 10+ minutes until the child gave up.

I'm just not comfortable with those things...

www.misskatsmom.blogspot.com

[Fuamami]

How old is she? Would she respond to bribery?

[fairejour]

She's 5.

We have no problem with rewards, and I hope and pray that this won't be an issue. I believe that she will see the benefit of the CI and want to wear it, just like she does with her aids now. She enjoys them, asks for them, and uses them. That is why we are getting her the implant in the first place.

My issue is with the advice we are getting. "Force her no matter what" seems to be the unanimous opinion, even from you gentle mothers. It feels so wrong. If she hates it and it becomes a battle, won't that make her reject it more? I can't possibly hold her down and force her for the next 13 years...

[sapphire_chan]

Would it still work if she wore it part-time? Like 4 hours on, 2 off, or something?

I think at age 5, with her previous experience with the hearing aids, you won't have much problems beyond typical kid forgetfulness and activeness ("where were you when you turned the somersault and the CI got knocked off?" "um....in the backyard? maybe? I forget." "DH get the flashlight!!")

But if you've got an idea of exactly how much she has to wear it to get benefits, that lets you do compromising if she really hates it.

From what you've said in the other thread, though, I'd bet you'll just need to remind her that the CI'll help with her speaking if she starts to remove it and she'll leave it right where it is.

Oh, and if she won't be reasoned with, I'd leave her be and just keep offering the implant regularly and talking with her about it. which is more pushing than I'd normally suggest, but this is really important for her.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by fairejour

She's 5.

We have no problem with rewards, and I hope and pray that this won't be an issue. I believe that she will see the benefit of the CI and want to wear it, just like she does with her aids now. She enjoys them, asks for them, and uses them. That is why we are getting her the implant in the first place.

My issue is with the advice we are getting. "Force her no matter what" seems to be the unanimous opinion, even from you gentle mothers. It feels so wrong. If she hates it and it becomes a battle, won't that make her reject it more? I can't possibly hold her down and force her for the next 13 years...

I don't understand how that would even work, if she can easily and quickly remove it herself. What do they do, put them in a straight-jacket?

I think you should approach it with enthusiasm and confidence that she will wear it, and if it starts becoming an issue - promise her a Polly Pocket every week, or something similar. Maybe once she gets used to it she won't even think about it.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

My BFF's DD is 4yo and had her first implant (she is bilateral now) at 2.5yo. She has never had any kind of issue with wearing it. She has issues NOT wearing it. She immediately puts it back on if it comes off. On some occasions, the coil will get lost (it sticks to some random place in the house like the side of the fridge) and she is a beast to deal with because she can't hear as well.

You may be surprised that your DD enjoys wearing it. I think a lot of the issues that people have with it is when they have been in total silence prior to it being turned on. The noise is overwhelming to them. Since your DD has had the hearing aides and is used to them, you may find that this is no issue at all for her. If it is an issue, I would perhaps consider working with her on compromises for time she wears them and look to increase it to what is needed as quickly as possible. I guess the goal would be to avoid it becoming a power struggle with her.

Here is a link to my BFF's blog on her DD. She is GREAT with questions if you want to ask her anything. She is more of a GD minded mother, too.
http://jillslittlesis.blogspot.com/

[bender]

Since your daughter likes her hearing aids, she'll probably like her CI as well. It feels about the same on the ear as a HA. Most of the little kids I've worked with don't notice the magnet at all. I think the body worn processor is more noticeable to kids. I've worked with some kiddos going from HA to CI, and they said that things sounded so much better with the CI, and that they never wanted to be without it.

I'd go into the procedure expecting her to enjoy the CI. Be positive and excited. If you give her the idea that she might not like it, she might mimic you without giving it a try first.

Some parents I've talked to mentioned that sometimes the CI will slip off the ear, and they've found that toupee tape works well to keep it from slipping off when the kiddo is running.

And your audiologist probably told you, but take the CI off your daughter if she is going to go down plastic slides or rub balloons on her head. Sometimes the static buildup can delete the programming, causing a repeat trip to the audiologist.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

Originally Posted by bender

Some parents I've talked to mentioned that sometimes the CI will slip off the ear, and they've found that toupee tape works well to keep it from slipping off when the kiddo is running.

And your audiologist probably told you, but take the CI off your daughter if she is going to go down plastic slides or rub balloons on her head. Sometimes the static buildup can delete the programming, causing a repeat trip to the audiologist.

Emmi wears her processor safety pinned to her shirt right now because it is too big to wear it over her ear. It keeps it in place perfectly until she is older and can wear it normally. And ditto on the static.