grocery shopping with a 4 and 2 yr old

[justice'smom]

I am new to all this gentle discipline stuff and it doesn't seem to be working for my boys. I know I have to be doing something wrong. So, here is my question, just one of my many. When I take my 4 and 2 yr old grocery shopping they usually sit side by side in a cart. While they are sitting there they always start banging heads together and it ALWAYS ends in a fight were they are hitting and screaming at each other. I personally don't think this is appropriate for the grocery store. I have tryed not taking them, but now I am pregnant and have to go to the store daily since I never know what I will be able to eat. I have tryed giving them a snack since it's usually snack time when we go anyway and it keeps their hands and mouths busy. I have told them before we enter the store that they are to keep their hands, feet, and head to themselves and stay in their own space. When they start head butting I pull them apart and say no. I explain to them that they always fight when they do this and I don't want anyone to get hurt. So, what would your advice be? I really wish someone could just come into my home and teach me all this stuff. I have read many gentle discipline books, but most of it just doesn't seem to be working for my boys.

[elisent]

If you are going to the store daily then you're not getting a lot, right? Maybe you could walk instead of using a cart. Hold hands with the two year old, or if he's a runner bring the stroller in. Have the four year old carry one of those small handbaskets they have by the door and put anything light enough for him in it. Play up how important that job is. The basket will keep his hands occupied so he won't grab things off the shelves.

[LaughingHyena]

It no longer works for me to have both children in the trolley, there was just too much hair pulling, biting and so on.

Now my 4 YO walks and 2 YO rides. DD (4) likes it if I give her something to remember and find in the shop.

They both like to bring along their little shopping bags and have something put in them at the checkout. I do have to keep an eye on them though, DD has a habit of putting it down when she's looking at something.

The store baskets are still a bit big for DD but I have thought about bringing her play shopping basket along. I think she would like the idea.

[my3peanuts]

Those kinds of carts are just a recipe for disaster!! I agree, have the 2 year old ride, the 4 yo walk. I like the idea of giving him a basket and asking him for help. Kids love that!

[justice'smom]

I've tryed having the 4 yr old walk too and the 2 yr old throws a fit because he wants to walk too. If they both walk then it turns into running and screaming. They are both boys two years apart and they really play off of each other. To answer one of the questions yes, sadly I'm not getting much. I usually only get something for that night to eat. Something that has worked twice now was to allow the 2 yr old to sit in one of those car carts and the 4 yr old has been asking to sit up front. Hopefully that will continue. It all depends on which store we go to though if that is possible. I guess in all reality it's not the end of the world, but I just feel like they know they don't have to do what I say and that scares me. I nannied for a 4 yr old that was asked to only attend school half the day because they just couldn't care for him. I picked him up from school and took him for the rest of the day and he kicked me, screamed at me, ran away while I was feeding his baby sister, bit me, you name it he did it. I'm not sure exactly what was going on with him, but I feel like he knew he didn't have to do what his parents or anyone for that matter said to him. I ended up having to leave the job because I just couldn't handle it. His mom had me read a book called positive parenting I think. I have no idea who it was by and honestly I couldn't even get all the way through it. I was told never to tell him no because he just couldn't handle the word no. I don't know how you ladies feel about that, but I think a kid should hear no and know what it means. I mean if he was getting ready to run into the street and a car was coming I wouldn't have had time to give him choices. I am REALLY trying to learn though. Do you ladies have any book ideas for me? I have read Dr. Sears discipline book, but didn't get a lot from it. I'm not sure I like Alfie Kohn just from what I've read on here. I think he may be a little to far on one side for me. Again I haven't read any of his stuff though. Thanks ladies,.

[ChetMC]

Grocery Shopping with Two

We have two preschoolers and a baby...

Often one child rides in the seat and the other sits on the back of the cart with the groceries. Sometimes younger DD rides in the cart and older DD walks.

Usually DH and I both go to the grocery store with the kids. We go often so we aren't in the store long, and with two of us gathering up what we need we can keep the visit very short.

[guestmama9915]

Yeah, I wouldn't do that w/ my older two, though I may put the 2yr old and 1yr old side by side since they don't really fight yet. But how I generally do it is, 4yr old walks (or pushes a mini-cart, depending on where we are), 2 year old in the back, 1yr old in the front.

My kids like going out and whatnot, I explain before entering the store that if they start fighting or do not listen, that we will leave. And we do.

The "no" thing is more about explaining the reasons behind something rather than just flat out saying no, to me. For running out into the street or such, I just use "stop!". Explaining and choices works well for my oldest. There is no one style of gentle discipline, though. There are certain things I do not bend on.

[moondiapers]

I'd have the 4yo walk with one hand on the side of the cart and ignore the 2yo's fit.

[medaroge]

yeah, 4 yo can walk or sit in the other part of the cart.

[MaryLang]

I have a 4 yo, 3 yo and 2 yo, and am almost 8 mnths pregnant w/#4. First of all make sure they have a good meal before you leave we almost always go right after breakfast. Don't tell them no you can't do "this" because they "always fight", they will act better if you just expect them too and I find that saying things like that almost give them the go ahead. I have to make sure that the kids are "helping" me shop, I point out what things are, they help get things off of shelves or throw it in the cart for me, and I let them make a few little decisions. I usually have my 2 yo in a Mei Tie babycarrier on my back, so shes just sitting back there, and the other two are walking.

[Fuamami]

My two boys will bonk heads and hit each other if they sit next to each other in the cart, too. I usually put one kid in the basket, and one kid in the part for kids.

In answer to your other question - some parents strive to never tell their children no. I try to accomodate their wishes when possible, but I am very much okay with saying no, especially when it comes to things like hitting, biting, etc. As you can tell from what I just said above, it doesn't always stop the behavior, but in cases where things are just too difficult for them to behave, I can make accomodations.