One Year Ago Today

[First Time Mama]

At 7:14 A.M my son was cut from my body. I remember yearning to hold him, and having him whisked in front of my face for a second and then taken away. I didn't see him again for two hours. When I first saw him he was already all bundled in a blanket and with a hat. I can't even remember the first time I saw all of him, naked. I couldn't even change a diaper that first day. I think that's strange considering I thought I would pull my baby onto my chest and hold him before he was all cleaned up. Those first two hours in recovery were the longest of my life, waiting to hold my baby. After that he wasn't separated from me. It's funny all the little things I can remember from a year ago. The way things looked, what people said, how I felt.

[Thandiwe]

I'm so sorry your birth experience was so horrifying. *hugs*

[changingseasons]

I'm coming up on my one-year mark too. It's strange how it seems so long ago, but still so horrible and vivid in my mind.

[RiverMamma]

Originally Posted by First Time Mama

I remember yearning to hold him, and having him whisked in front of my face for a second and then taken away. I didn't see him again for two hours.
When I first saw him he was already all bundled in a blanket and with a hat. I can't even remember the first time I saw all of him, naked.
I thought I would pull my baby onto my chest and hold him before he was all cleaned up.

Me too, I remember scanning & absorbing every detail of her face, reaching out to touch her cheek, imprinting it on my memmory for fear of loosing her in the nursery. (as it tured out she was the only baby in the nursery.) I was so scared to be in that hospital. A far cry from the sticky, lovely, wet & sliprey, primal skin on skin first moment of recognition I had in mind.
I do remember the first time I saw her, all of her. It was the next morning, I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen her yet, that I had been despratly clinging to a little bundle of blankets all night. It was almost a defeating fealing, like they had won or something, they managed to get their hands on my bonding moment. The bond did come & it is strong, but it was a little slow to start.
All this anger & sorow, among it is gratitude. The reality is, I didn't have failure to progress or any other lame excuse. Had I stayed at home like I wanted to, I would be dead, so would she. I am greatfull, I am just still disapointed too. Angry that nature would have gladly & easly snuffed me right out in the act of trying to give life.
We are fine though, our breastfeeding did not suffer from the c/s, our bond did not suffer long, my heart is healing, and her's is strong. Blessed Be. :

[Melly24]

Thinking of you mama