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Advice needed - Pregnant Friend

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
My friend is pregnant and due in April 2009. She found out really early and has had 6 ultra sounds and goes to the doctors or phones the doctors at least once a week. She is also suffering from every symptom imaginable. And even though she only was off a harsh birth control for less then a year and only tried for 2 months she feels as though she tried so hard and doesn't want to try again.

I found out a lot later. I had my first doctor appointment last week and first ultrasound yesterday. I was never tired (I also have 3 foster kids to chase) and I had m/s but it was manageable.

In other words my pregnancy is going really well and hers is not. Also, I am really easy going and she is a hypochondriac.

Last night she says to me on msn "I'm trying really hard not to be jealous of you". I respond by saying that I'm sorry her pregnancy is so hard and I am praying for her.

I don't know what to do for her. I don't know what to say. I know it has been physically hard on her but I think half of it is her mindset. Also, she has/does nothing to take her mind off of it.

Anyone have any advice? If you are going through a tough pregnancy what would you want someone to say?
post #2 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoyFilled View Post
My friend is pregnant and due in April 2009. She found out really early and has had 6 ultra sounds and goes to the doctors or phones the doctors at least once a week. She is also suffering from every symptom imaginable. And even though she only was off a harsh birth control for less then a year and only tried for 2 months she feels as though she tried so hard and doesn't want to try again.

I found out a lot later. I had my first doctor appointment last week and first ultrasound yesterday. I was never tired (I also have 3 foster kids to chase) and I had m/s but it was manageable.

In other words my pregnancy is going really well and hers is not. Also, I am really easy going and she is a hypochondriac.

Last night she says to me on msn "I'm trying really hard not to be jealous of you". I respond by saying that I'm sorry her pregnancy is so hard and I am praying for her.

I don't know what to do for her. I don't know what to say. I know it has been physically hard on her but I think half of it is her mindset. Also, she has/does nothing to take her mind off of it.

Anyone have any advice? If you are going through a tough pregnancy what would you want someone to say?
I don't think there's anything you can do except be sympathetic without dwelling with her. Try to change the subject, maybe invite her to do fun pregnant things like baby/maternity shopping...But if she's dead set on being miserable no one is going to change her mind. She obviously is either truly ill, or gets something out of acting more ill than she is. Try suggesting that she will feel better in the second trimester....who knows? GL. It's hard to be around someone who dwells on their illness...like when old people start talking about all the pills they take....not that I don't love old people
post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wobblykate View Post
maybe invite her to do fun pregnant things like baby/maternity shopping...
She has already ordered online baby clothes. She spends all of her time focusing on the baby and what could be wrong. I think she needs to think about something else. But how does one say that sensitively?
post #4 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoyFilled View Post
She has already ordered online baby clothes. She spends all of her time focusing on the baby and what could be wrong. I think she needs to think about something else. But how does one say that sensitively?
Maybe try to get her to go to a movie, something un-pregnant friends would do? If she's spending a lot of time on the computer diagnosing her own symptoms, that can't be helpful. GL
post #5 of 13
I was really sick during my first trimester with my first, and it was really difficult to have to answer questions like "How are you feeling?" It just seemed socially awkward to say "Like puking. Right now. On your shoes." On the other hand, there is always the temptation to make the most of the misery...

Do you live close to her? Maybe you could take a meal over or something? That way maybe she won't feel so much like she's suffering alone.

Maybe make her a gift basket, with some good pregnancy books and peppermint tea, to enjoy while she's down and out?

Even if they don't do anything at least you'll know you tried and if she wants to wallow in her misery there isn't anything you can do.
post #6 of 13
i agree with gnatty about the gift basket or the meal. it can be frusterating when someone is in that negative mindset. hopefully she perks up during the 2nd tri. i wish i had a pg friend right now!
post #7 of 13
I just wanted to point out that not all hypochondriacs do it for the attention and would wager that most really do believe things are worse than they are. Then again, few who babble on and on about themselves realize that they turn conversations into me-me-me-me-me either, they just might have a lot to say

I'd try to make it as positive as you can. If she complains about m/s, say that her horomones must be off the charts (and thus chance of miscarriage is very low) or that her body will take care of the baby's nutritional needs before her's (no need to worry about that puked-up prenatal). If she's really tired, say that her baby must be really active and stealing all her energy. If the ultrasound pictures come out, point out how perfect the baby looks.

It's just so hard to be a Negative Nancy in the company of someone who finds a positive in every situation and she may pick up on the positive vibes and start to feel more confident.

I must second a small gift basket (preggie pops sound like a great addition), that would ROCK to recieve one and know that someone sympathizes with you.
post #8 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by secondimpression View Post
I just wanted to point out that not all hypochondriacs do it for the attention and would wager that most really do believe things are worse than they are. Then again, few who babble on and on about themselves realize that they turn conversations into me-me-me-me-me either, they just might have a lot to say

I'd try to make it as positive as you can. If she complains about m/s, say that her horomones must be off the charts (and thus chance of miscarriage is very low) or that her body will take care of the baby's nutritional needs before her's (no need to worry about that puked-up prenatal). If she's really tired, say that her baby must be really active and stealing all her energy. If the ultrasound pictures come out, point out how perfect the baby looks.

It's just so hard to be a Negative Nancy in the company of someone who finds a positive in every situation and she may pick up on the positive vibes and start to feel more confident.

I must second a small gift basket (preggie pops sound like a great addition), that would ROCK to recieve one and know that someone sympathizes with you.
As a self-prescribed hypochondriac (in the past... mostly ) the Pollyanna stuff would just make me wanna throw a rock at your head.

But hey, that's just me. Cuz, ya know, misery loves company...
post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI_Dawn View Post
As a self-prescribed hypochondriac (in the past... mostly ) the Pollyanna stuff would just make me wanna throw a rock at your head.

But hey, that's just me. Cuz, ya know, misery loves company...
Note to self: NEVER TRY TO CHEER MI_Dawn UP WHEN SHE'S FEELING DOWN (she throws rocks at happy people)
post #10 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by secondimpression View Post
Note to self: NEVER TRY TO CHEER MI_Dawn UP WHEN SHE'S FEELING DOWN (she throws rocks at happy people)
LOL exactly
post #11 of 13
does your friend live near you? or is there some place half-way between you two where you could meet and go for a walk? getting her out, away from her computer, and doing something active might help - esp. if you could kind of schedule it as a standing date (once a week or whatever). That way, you might be able to convince her that she's doing something positive for her baby to combat all the bad stuff. A little fresh air, a little sun light, some endorphins...

I have a friend who had a bad break up last winter. Simultaneously, I was going through a little cancer scare (I'm fine, it turns out). We came up with the walking idea. Middle of a New England winter and everything. She still thanks me for dragging her butt out of the house and for just listening while we walked - said no one else just let her talk. What she is forgetting is that it was also very helpful to me, and I got to talk too. Walking seems to be a good way to get rid of excess negative energy. We still walk, and now we don't talk nearly so much, and it doesn't matter. And when we aren't walking, we can still communicate better than we could before her breakup. Because now we know a lot more about how to help each other.

You might google 'coping mechanisms' or helping someone through grief - not really applicable, but you might get some good ideas. It's close enough to being along those same lines.
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all of your responses. She went to the doctors and found out that she is perfectly fine and has nothing to worry about. So she is in a better mood now.
post #13 of 13
Good!
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