GD and Special Needs

[my3peanuts]

Ds just turned 2. He has Epilepsy, developmental delays and Sensory Processing Disorder, among other issues.

He hits all the time. He throws things all the time. He does not do it out of anger. I don't really know why he does it other than to get attention from me and likely because he's a sensory seeker. Also his sister gives him a great reaction which I'm sure he enjoys.

I need it to stop. I cannot follow him around all day watching so he will not hit or throw things. I hold his hands gently and try to look him in the eye and tell him "No hitting" but he doesn't make eye contact and it never seems to get through. He is delayed and cognitively is not at a 2 year old level. I have removed him from the situation and placed him in his crib which obviously also isn't working. I've tried signing "No hitting", doesn't work. I sit with him and try to hold him on my lap, doesn't work. He freaks out and wants down.

His seizure medications are probably making it worse and his delays are a huge part of the problem in my mind. He's a 2 year old with the cognition of probably a 1 year old but yet with even less impulse control(and yes I know kids this age hardly have that anyway).

I'm not sure what will work with him, if anything. I am out of ideas because I have tried what I can think of. I really need advice!

[sapphire_chan]

How would you parent him if he were chronologically 1 year old?

I think you'll find that there are plenty of toddler parents who spend the entire day watching and redirecting their developmentally typical 2-year olds.

I'd stop thinking in terms of how to get him to not need supervision and start figuring out ways to make it easier to supervise him. For instance, and I'm sure you're already doing these things, child-proofing, separating him and his sister, giving him a space where it's okay to throw, giving him things it's okay to hit, etc, etc. Lots of safe opportunities for sensory stimulation.

[popsicle sticks]

What I've done with both my kids (my oldest who is neurotypical and my youngest who has developmental delays) is to try to figure out what they are looking for and satisfy it appropriately and thereby prevent some of the behaviors I don't want. For example if your son is seeking sensory input, you have probably already added some intense sensory play into your routines but you might try new ones. Does he have a sensory diet in place, or an occupational therapist? If he is experimenting with cause and effect, motor planning, or other such similar concepts you can create games to satisfy his curiosity and practice those skills. If he is attempting to communicate, we have created and used a system similar to PECS (picture exchange communication system) with some success.

Probably the most helpful advice I've been given is to assume positive intent, which was hard for me especially when I see hitting. With my oldest, who did seem to hit for no reason himself as a typical two year old, if I saw his hand in the air as if he was about to strike his brother I would gently yet physically stop him. Then I would say something to the effect of, "Oh, do you want to touch your brother? Here, I'll help. Oh, he smiled, he likes when you're gentle." I honestly don't know if that's what he wanted, but it helped both of us for me to assume that he wanted a connection with his brother rather than that he was trying to hurt him. HTH

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

How would you parent him if he were chronologically 1 year old?

I think you'll find that there are plenty of toddler parents who spend the entire day watching and redirecting their developmentally typical 2-year olds.

I'd stop thinking in terms of how to get him to not need supervision and start figuring out ways to make it easier to supervise him. For instance, and I'm sure you're already doing these things, child-proofing, separating him and his sister, giving him a space where it's okay to throw, giving him things it's okay to hit, etc, etc. Lots of safe opportunities for sensory stimulation.

I do try to think of him as just a typical 1 year old but even then he really is not. His skills have a very wide range and there are some things he can do that a typical 18 month old can do and there are things a 12 month old can do that he cannot.

His language is very delayed which I'm sure also leads to his frustration. And mine!

Our house is laid out in a way to make it easy to see him most of the time from either the kitchen, dining room, or livingroom, which is where he spends a lot of time. I think the problem really is that I do allow him to throw things and hit things but he cannot separate when it's ok to throw something vs. when it's not ok to throw something. KWIM? If he hits and I give him a ball to hit he'll walk over to his sister and hit her with the ball.

Originally Posted by popsicle sticks

What I've done with both my kids (my oldest who is neurotypical and my youngest who has developmental delays) is to try to figure out what they are looking for and satisfy it appropriately and thereby prevent some of the behaviors I don't want. For example if your son is seeking sensory input, you have probably already added some intense sensory play into your routines but you might try new ones. Does he have a sensory diet in place, or an occupational therapist? If he is experimenting with cause and effect, motor planning, or other such similar concepts you can create games to satisfy his curiosity and practice those skills. If he is attempting to communicate, we have created and used a system similar to PECS (picture exchange communication system) with some success.

Probably the most helpful advice I've been given is to assume positive intent, which was hard for me especially when I see hitting. With my oldest, who did seem to hit for no reason himself as a typical two year old, if I saw his hand in the air as if he was about to strike his brother I would gently yet physically stop him. Then I would say something to the effect of, "Oh, do you want to touch your brother? Here, I'll help. Oh, he smiled, he likes when you're gentle." I honestly don't know if that's what he wanted, but it helped both of us for me to assume that he wanted a connection with his brother rather than that he was trying to hurt him. HTH

He does have an OT and I do try to give him opportunities for sensory stimulation. It's hard because his gross motor skills are delayed and his balance and coordination are terrible so something like a sit and spin, a trampoline, etc. don't work for him. He doesn't enjoy swinging either. The only thing I've found that he enjoys is playing with a bucket of dry beans. Again the hard part is that he doesn't really want to play with them as much as he wants to throw them everywhere and they aren't exactly easy to clean up. I try to guide him to pour them into the bucket or on a spoon and that lasts a short time and then he's back to wanting to throw.

He demands so much supervision and attention and I try my best to give it to him but we're homeschooling this year and I have a 5 year old and 3 year old who also need my attention.

[sapphire_chan]

Silly question, but could you put an empty sandbox in your house and let him play with beans in that? If you got one that was plastic you could also do some water play. Just a thought for reducing mess. Plus, he might be happy staying in there if he really likes the activity.

Re: your main dilemma, do you have another adult at home? I know some homeschooling mamas with younger kids to take care of do the main schooling in the evening.

Anyway, here's hoping an experienced toddler mama has some tips and tricks for you.

[my3peanuts]

I could try putting an empty plastic pool or something in the livingroom. Although I have a feeling he'd just throw the beans out of it.

Dh works late most evenings and doesn't get home until an hour before bed or later.

I know I just keep listing problems and maybe that's the problem!

However, another issue which I think plays a big part is that ds attention span is very short. Even for something he enjoys. He might sit for a few minutes but not often. Sometimes I wish he enjoyed tv because it would give me a break but I guess it's probably a good thing he doesn't or I'd use it too much.

I'm wondering if I started brushing him again if that would help. We also have a compression vest that our OT gave us. He doesn't like it but maybe I will try it again.