Now I'm having more intrusive thoughts

[goodygumdrops]

Well, I am having a tough couple of days. I know I'm starting to get sick, my little one has been a booger factory for the last week and I guess I'm finally getting it. This week has been pretty hectic for me, with group therapy and reg therapy and then errands etc. I get I kind of triggered myself Monday because Monday afternoon I started having more intrusive thoughts. And I haven't been able to snap out of it. It's weird because I never had thoughts of myself hurting my baby or myself it was more that something would happen that I couldn't control. Like when my husband would leave for work, I would imagine something horrible would happen to him and I would be a single mom, how would we make it...blah,blah,blah, and on from there. So, now my intrusive thoughts revolve around me being sick forever...like what if I never get well, or what if I become suicidal, or what if I get diagnosed with cancer. It's totally nutty.

I know intrusive thoughts are a symptom of ppd but it's really hard to be strong while I am experiencing them. I was feeling really well for a little over a week so I feel like this is a set back. I have private therapy tonight and I am going to talk about this and I have a meds check with my psychiatrist on Friday.

One good thing that happened today is that my hubby sent me flowers to the house : He hasn't sent me flowers in so long I can't remember. I feel so lucky...

[LynnS6]

Intrusive thoughts suck.

I was active for a while on a couple of other PPD specific boards, and what I learned about intrusive thoughts were: they often take a higher dose of meds than your average 'run of the mill' PPD, and that cognitive behavioral therapy can definitely help. The combination of the 2 is quite powerful and effective.

My own experience is that when I was sick/tired/stressed, my symptoms were much worse. It's hard to feel mentally healthy if your body is sick! (I also found that just after, rather than during, major stresses is when (a) I'd get sick and (b) my symptoms would flare.)

[mom0810]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this. My therapist gave me a good way, I think, of looking at this. Intrusive thoughts are your primal mind. They are they way that mothers have protected their babies for centuries. You picture the awful things that could happen because it's the brain's way of showing them to you to make sure they DO NOT happen. When you look at it that way, it kind of takes the scariness away.

You will NOT feel like this forever. You are still in the baby stages of your recovery. You will do so much better in the days, weeks, and months ahead. You are strong. You can make it through this, and you will.

IF something happened to your husband, you could get through it. You would have to, for your kids. You could do it. Nothing in reality is ever as bad as you picture it in your mind. I had awful thoughts that I would die during my c-section with ds2. I didn't. I made it through fine. Nothing I had pictured even came close.

A good thing to do is to write down your intrusive thoughts. Face them on paper. When you write them down, it stops them from circling around in your mind. It makes them less scary. Then you can write down what you would do IF they came true. What if you have PPD forever? (you won't). But what if? You would stay in therapy, take your meds, and manage it fine. See how that works?

You are strong. You can do this. We all believe in you and we've been there.

[chaoticzenmom]

I didn't realize that I had PPD when I had my first child. Luckily, my husband was able to talk me out of invasive thoughts. When I would tell him of my horrible thoughts and worries and tell him that it was like it was really happening, he would feel really freaked out. He would say "if it happens once,for real, it would be bad enough. Don't live it if you don't absolutely have to." For awhile, I would counter with "yeah, but I have to be prepared" But I kept repeating to myself "I won't live this if I don't have to" everytime an invasive thought came into my head. It didn't take too long for that counter thought to push the invasive thought away. Also, what I realized is that these were not psychic thoughts. There was no way to predict a horrible thing happening to us and be able to prevent it. I could take reasonable precautions, but more than that, I just had to live my life. If something horrible happened, it would be likely something that I had never considered.

I would think stuff like "A tornado will suck up my baby right from the roof" "a plane will crash into the baby's room" "Someone will break in and try to steal him" "I'll get sick and leave him with no mom"

All of that I could counter with "if it happened once, it would be bad enough. Don't live it if I don't have to." I eventually realized that I was automatically countering those thoughts and they went away before they became fully formed.

With my 2nd child, I had an overwhelming fear of leaving her somewhere and it just took awhile for me to realize that I wouldn't. The invasive thoughts didn't come back. Not even with my 3rd child.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't take meds. I didn't realize what was wrong with me at the time so I can't say that I really know much about ppd at all. This is just what got me through it when I didn't know what "it" was.

s
Lisa

[goodygumdrops]

Wow... thanks for the support. It really helps to hear from other mamas that have been through this.
LynnS6- I have been coming down with a cold this week. Last night, it finally came on and I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and just feel icky. So, I'm sure that my defenses are down and it's effecting my mental strength.

Mom0810 - I really appreciate your explanation of why we have intrusive thoughts. It's kind of interesting because one of my biggest fears is that I would get so bad I would become suicidal. I mean it terrifies me. So, I see how looking at this from the perspective of a primal mind, it's like my mind is helping me to work out scenarios to protect me from becoming suicidal. I really have to watch the threads I read because my fears came on after reading another mamas plight...poor mama.

I talked to my therapist yesterday and she said that I need to be really nurturing of myself during this time and that when I do too much it will trigger anxiety/intrusive thoughts. This made sense for me because Monday I was kinda feeling overwhelmed about my week. I am considering canceling the group therapy for a bit. My therapist said that it might be a bit too much for me right now. I am feeling guilty about it though because I promised the group leader that I would keep at it for 3 months. I am moving in two months and she just feels like it's kind of pointless to begin such an intensive therapy before I leave.

Amy

[Surfacing]

[kayleesmom]

big hugs how are u doing today

[bai18176]

I didn't even realize that those thoughts weren't normal. I am always worried about planes crashing into my house, my husband getting in a car accident, or my kids when I'm not with them, or someone stealing my child. In fact I check their rooms in the middle of the night frequently because of this. Is this really not a normal thing? I'm new to this board, but I've had PPD off and on for 4 years. I have had three kids in three and a half years, and I'm just now realizing how bad I am

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by bai18176

I didn't even realize that those thoughts weren't normal. I am always worried about planes crashing into my house, my husband getting in a car accident, or my kids when I'm not with them, or someone stealing my child. In fact I check their rooms in the middle of the night frequently because of this. Is this really not a normal thing? I'm new to this board, but I've had PPD off and on for 4 years. I have had three kids in three and a half years, and I'm just now realizing how bad I am

Oh s Mama. Are you seeing a counselor or anything? That's a lot of kids in a short amount of time. Do you have family or friends around to support you and your family?

[jennifer_lc1]

... did i have PPD before i ever had a baby???

i don't mean to make a joke but the intrusive thoughts thing caught my eye, i've had them since at least the age of 15.. maybe even earlier.

they're not as bad since i've had my baby actually. and if they ever come up its about neighbors dying or buildings exploding ?? gah.

i'm not evil.
really.

i just didn't know that stuff had a name.

[mom0810]

No, PP. You are not evil, but it does sound like you have suffered with OCD all your life and maybe have not known it. I would check out an OCD website and check your symptoms.

[Live~Laugh~Love]

Originally Posted by mom0810

No, PP. You are not evil, but it does sound like you have suffered with OCD all your life and maybe have not known it. I would check out an OCD website and check your symptoms.

ITA, and as far as the flowers, oooh lala mama. Thats sooo sweet of him, huge hugs from us

Hope it gets better soon hon

[jennifer_lc1]

ocd ay? that makes sense. my granny has it. i never do repeat actions or anything like that but i've always had an irrational fear of death or things being taken from me so i do tend to drift into thoughts of what if this or that.. and i worry about stuff i shouldn't. i didn't know that could be part of ocd though.

[tammyswanson]

I got intrusive thoughts too after DS was born..but I felt almost like they weren't coming from me...like they were coming from some other source. I believe in spirits so I would imagine a protective light around me. I still get intrusive thoughts occasionally, but I try to keep them from forming in my mind.

I had asked my mom if she ever gets them, and she says she does..and she's post menopausal. My DH says he even gets them too...and he's not menopausal at all!

Just hang in there and go easy on yourself...you are going through a tough time, and it's easy to be down on yourself. Is there any way you can get a day so you can just relax and do what you want?

[mom0810]

Originally Posted by jennifer_lc1

ocd ay? that makes sense. my granny has it. i never do repeat actions or anything like that but i've always had an irrational fear of death or things being taken from me so i do tend to drift into thoughts of what if this or that.. and i worry about stuff i shouldn't. i didn't know that could be part of ocd though.

Yep, that is classic OCD. You don't have to do the repeat actions to have it. You could have OCD without the "C" for compulsions.

I would look into it if the symptoms bother you enough.

[jennifer_lc1]

they don't really bother me.. theyre alot less... alottttt than when i was a kid.

[Quaniliaz]

I appreciate this discussion - I also have intrusive thoughts - especially postpartum, but even outside of that period. What has worked for me is immediately recognizing that it is intrusive - not real. But that is easier some days than others....

It is interesting and helpful to think about them as primal fears.

[MichelleBB]

hugs for everyone. We should just all take a group mom vacation somewhere

[jennifer_lc1]

hawaii!!!

[MrsAprilMay]

What a great discussion! I've always had intrusive thoughts, especially during the teen years and since DS has been born. It's nice to see another way to look at it.