or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Fertility › Family Planning › How far/near did you space your children?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How far/near did you space your children? - Page 2

post #21 of 41
I used to think I'd want my kids closely spaced, but I came to realize that it wouldn't be right for us. I didn't get my cycles back for 27 months and still don't feel ready (dd is 3). Sometimes I feel bad because a lot of friends I know with kids Haley's age already have a second child, some are pregnant with #3. But in the end, I think I have to follow my intuition and I've just never felt like adding to our family yet. Maybe it is partly due to outside changes, too (we moved, husband got a new job, I got a new VERY part time job/activity. I dunno. I've read that kids need at least 3 yrs spacing on the natural child project site. Go with what you feel is right. All kids are different, all moms are different.
post #22 of 41
Well I've only read some of the replies, but I love our age gaps.

Nechama & Rena are 10 minutes apart, but you don't exactly get a choice if you want twins or not. We were thrilled though

Rivka came 17 months later. Yes, it was crazy & hard having 3 kids under 18 months old, but honestly it wasn't as bad as it might seem to some. Yes, it was tiring. No, I didn't sleep, but honestly, they get along wonderfully, play together, are only 1 year apart in school, have lots of the same friends, etc. Yet they are each individuals. For us (and those 3 kids in general) it worked out wonderfully. They share a room and go to sleep together every night and really they are a joy :

Avraham Tzvi came 2years 9 months after Rivka (I got PPAF around 18 months with her and got pregnant an little while later). It was also a good gap. They don't exactly play togehter now, but he loves looking at his big sisters and chasing after them. They all adore the baby. NOt one hint of jealosy yet B"H. Really, it was a much easier transistion than I thought it would be.

I say try to think of how you physically feel, what you want to handle, and go from there. Dh has 5 siblings and he's closest today with his sister (7 years older) and one brother (5 years older). He isn't as close to his brother who is 1.5 years older, so personallity definatly plays a role.
post #23 of 41
Originally Posted by Jannah5 View Post
I wasn't trying to be rude or nasty, it just irks me when people make certain comments or generalizations. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

A couple of years back my SIL made a comment about her X-husband believing that having many children wasn't good for the earth. That's fine and maybe he's satisfied with having 2 children. Now that he's divorced from my SIL maybe he'll remarry and decide to have more children? My point is, you'll never know where you'll end up.

I never thought that I'd have 6 children especially as soon as I did, but I did and as far as I'm concerned they are alright. After I told a friend that I was pregnant for the 6th time, so soon after my c/s, she said that I was careless. I totally agree with her statement. I delayed getting an IUD and had unprotected intercourse and what da know

P.S. sorry for saying you only had 4 DC
I apologize for offending anyone. Congratulations on Baby #6!! I guess part of it is a tad bit of jealousy, because it takes me so long to get my fertility back. I want a couple more kids, but here it is 21 months after my last one, and nothing . DH doesn't want to have kids after he turns 40, and his 39th birthday is tomorrow . *Sigh*, maybe I can change his mind .
post #24 of 41
My DDs are 14 1/2 months apart : I am one of those people that is fertile by 12 weeks pp, regardless of nursing around the clock, & our reasons for the spacing were:
1. We knew we didn't want an only, & figured that after 6 months, DD#1 would be able to take supplementation/solids as needed - we came close to waiting 'til 6 months (I did nurse her until her sister was born - needed to supplement, but never dried up all the way)
2. The theory of getting the whole babyhood thing accomplished all at once, & moving on (is it better or worse, to have double the babies, when you're not real good at the infant thing? Still not sure about this one....)
3. Wanted to see all our kids self-sufficient before our retirement (no joke - assuming our kids leave home by age 20, I'll be in my early 60's, & DH in his mid 70's), thus wider spacing not an option.

In all honesty, sometimes I wish we'd started out family 10 years earlier, & done wider spacing; but now that our kids are starting to really play together pretty well, & it looks like this is all going to work out the way we'd hoped. No joke, my last pregnancy was much harder on me, so I sure couldn't have done another close one, & that is something to consider (it was actually my 3rd in 3 years - 1 m/c, than 1st DD, then 2nd DD).
post #25 of 41
my first 2 are 18 months apart...then between #2 and #3 almost 2 years exactly...#4 was a surprise and he came 5 yrs after my 3rd child. ttc again now while BF and Im not finding it very easy.:
post #26 of 41
Hi all, I'm new here!!

We have 4. All are very close together.
#1 and #2 are 14 mo apart
#2 and #3 are 19 mo apart
#3 and #4 are 19 mo apart.

We planned the first two so close. I have a brother who is 11mo younger than me. We were inseparable when we were young and I wanted that for my babies. It was a little hard at first. I felt bad for my son. He was still a baby and now I had another baby to care for. But once we settled in it was great. They are the best of friends now. Can't keep them apart!! We didn't plan the other 2 at all. I got pg both times on birth control, one an IUD. I love that they are all so close in age. My youngest is almost 1 and I am really getting the baby fever!! My brain says no more...but my instincts say keep poppin' 'em out!! Unfortunately DH doesn't want anymore. He won't touch me with out a condom on!!! Anyway...nice to meet you all!!
post #27 of 41
I am struggling with this almost daily. DH is really wants his children closely spaced. DS knocked me off my feet. I never in a million years thought mothering could be so hard. He is so clingy and has not slept longer than 2 hours at a time in 13 months. He cut his 1 nap to 30 minutes at 8 months. He started walking at 7 months and now climbs over the baby gates, etc. I feel like I am going crazy. But with all that being said, we are looking at TTC next year. We originally agreed to TTC when DS was a year but I pushed it to when he will be 15 months. Now I am thinking of pushing it back till he is 20 months. It’s a hard choice and there are many factors we are looking at:

1. Day care costs. DH is in school to get his masters and I am studying to be a midwife. Our children will have to be in daycare and honestly….you get a huge discount for having 2 kids in at the same time. We calculated that we would save about $15k by having another next year rather then spacing 4 years apart.

2. As pp mentioned, retirement age. We want to retire at 55 or so and we are 26 now. I want my children out of the house, out of university and making an income before we retire. I want to help them out as much as possible through school and I don’t think we could do that retired.

3. Get through the baby years. I have no idea how the next one will be but I am PRAYING s/he is a sleeper. But if not, I would rather just continue on not sleeping for another year or two then get in a groove of nice sleep and a few years later have to adjust back to sleep deprived mode. If anyone is going through what I am with lack of sleep you know what I’m talking about. It can take 8-10 months to adjust to daily life with no sleep.

4. My PCOS. Who knows how long it will take to conceive the next and I know I have a better chance the younger I am.

5. We already have all the baby stuff in the house and it’s out and ready. If I was waiting 4-5 years, I would sell it all since our place is small and then buy new stuff later.

6. I will be going on call to births in 2011 and I want my children to be at an age where they could handle me being gone for 24 hours.

I’m sure there are other reasons. I know I am worn out but when DH and I write it down on paper, all the reasons to have another soon rather than later win.
post #28 of 41
DD #1 and DD #2 are 3.5 years apart. We are struggling to figure out how far apart we want our next. I'm very fertile, however we have to be careful not to plan too soon because of miscarriage problems that may raise again. We are thinking roughly 2 years from now to TTC.
post #29 of 41
Our dcs are 2 years apart and we are ready to TTC our third and final as soon as my fertility returns. We are not TTA, never have. Dd is 8 months. My first two's spacing was natural though so if it follows suit this time they won't be any closer than 2 years again. I would love for them to be closer in age but I'm sure it will all work out however it is supposed to. I don't look forward to being pregnant again but I just want our family to be complete.
post #30 of 41
DD will be 5 in December. I plan to TTC next month and assuming it works right away, there will be about five and a half years between #1 and #2. The thought of having a second child seemed insane to me until last year.... then I started to think about it... but it didn't become a strong urge til a few months ago.

I am thrilled by the fact that DD has had my undivided attention for the past five years. I was able to nurse her til she was two and half, watch her self-wean into an independent, strong little girl, and now she wants a baby brother in a BIG way! (Though I'm hoping for a girl myself... of course we'll be happy with whatever we are blessed with!)

By the time a new baby would come next year, DD will be starting Kindergarten. My relationship with her will begin to change as she blossoms and begins to need me less and less as far as daily routines go. I think it will be wonderful to be able to let her "help"... (not to be misconstrued with me using my child as a slave or anything! LOL) And once she's in Kindy, I will have the time to devote to a newborn, and wont feel guilty that a new little one wont be getting as much attention as they need.

DD gets closer and closer to daddy as the days go by, which is a bittersweet shift for me. They play outside without me, they share in their love for all Lego Wii games, they wrestle and watch Star Wars. No longer does she "need" her mama by her side all the time the way she used to, and I know this is healthy and it's a sign that I've done a good job making her feel secure... but I think it certainly contributes to me wanting another one...

I can see the logic behind wanting to have kids close together so they can go through stages together as much as possible... sot hey can be together in school.... but I think (for me) it's so strenuous and it makes it tough to kick back and just enjoy each child. To me, it almost seems like just one shot at being a parent. When I think about having another, I think, "Yay! I can't wait to do it all over again!" I want to enjoy all those firsts as intensely and closely as I did the first time around.
post #31 of 41
I'm the opposite of MyZoeJane (I have a five year old Zoe too!). I promise I'm not trying to be a downer - I hope your experience is not the same as mine!

There's five years (exactly) between my two, and I really feel like we waited to long. Of course I can't express that to anyone IRL, because I get responses like 'Things happen the way they were meant to' or 'Maybe it means you just weren't ready'...

What it does mean, is that dh and I had a rocky relationship, legally separated for a year, got back together, I was desperate for another child, and we ended up getting pregnant.

But then I thought like the pp did - she'll be more independant, she won't need me physically as much, she's going to school, she'll want to help...

Uh, no. My dd1 is the sweetest, calmest girl ever. And she did a total 180 (that hasn't corrected itself yet) once the baby was born. My almost six year old will have nothing to do with me, and despises the baby.

If you ask her - she will only say negative things. 'She cries, she bites, she bugs me' and it's NOT typical adjustment stuff. This has been going on since my pregnancy. Despite everything we've done (including counselling and so, so, so much one on one time between the two of us) she's had an unbelievably hard time.

Our paediatrician said that it's so dependant on the child. Some do well a year apart (as my neighbour's two boys are), some do better further apart. Looks like we missed it on this one!

If I could go back and change anything, I'd have them 2.5 years apart. I'm so torn between my school aged dd and my infant dd, it's not even funny. They are such opposite schedules, and such (obviously) different interests and abilities, it's really made my life difficult.

We're hoping to TTC #3 - and dd2 and baby-to-be will NOT be further apart then three years.

ETA - Sorry for such a vent. Dd1 and I are having a hard time, and it's only been since dd2 arrived. It really breaks my heart...
post #32 of 41
Thread Starter 
Wow, so much collective experience out there! I've enjoyed reading everyones' posts. For those mommies who had closer spacing, were you able to continue nursing? I know it depends on your body and if the milk flow continues, but that is my biggest concern. I don't want my ds cut off when I get pregnant. Two mommies in my La Leche group nursed throughout pregnancy, but their lo is older and not as milk dependent.
post #33 of 41
We have three years almost to the month between our first two. DD2 is 17 months and my fertility is back but very unpredictable. I like the three year spacing, but if it's quicker this time that's fine, too.
post #34 of 41
I just have one dc and am not ttc yet, but have been thinking about this question a lot lately. I got my first ppaf at 11 weeks and have been charting (and ovulating!) since then. My LP is still quite short, but since I'm ovulating, I'm assuming we could get pg at any time. I come from a very fertile family and DH's family has no history of pregnancy or birth problems.

Like Holiztic mentioned earlier, we subscribe to many of the theories of the WAPF, one of those being that it takes the body about 2-3 years to replenish nutrients and restore hormonal balance. I also have several "goals" I'd like to meet before adding another child. I'd like DS to be 1)walking 2)talking/clearly communicating with us 3)pottying independently 4)weaned and 5)done getting his baby teeth. Some of these will be prerequisites to ttc and others are things I'd be fine dealing with while pg.

So, it looks like our ideal spacing would be 2.75-3.25 years. But, to throw a wrench it it, we've decided we want ~6 kids. This means I will probably be pg, nursing, or ttc for the next 15 years (good thing I got a relatively early start!) and will be giving birth to #6 at around age 40.

DH and I are all right with that, but we very well change our minds over the next decade or so and either decrease the spacing or the ultimate family size.
post #35 of 41
Originally Posted by trelani View Post
Wow, so much collective experience out there! I've enjoyed reading everyones' posts. For those mommies who had closer spacing, were you able to continue nursing? I know it depends on your body and if the milk flow continues, but that is my biggest concern. I don't want my ds cut off when I get pregnant. Two mommies in my La Leche group nursed throughout pregnancy, but their lo is older and not as milk dependent.
NAK Yup, nursed throughout pregnancy.
post #36 of 41
Great responses! This is a great thread.

dd1 and dd2 are 28 months apart. Not by choice...we started ttc #2 when dd1 was 6mo, figuring we'd have trouble like we did the first time. In fact it took longer, and 13 months later we got pg (after a couple of m/c) with dd2. This time we are also starting early. If I could choose, I'd have them between 18mo and 2 years apart. Personal choice, the way I like things to be, etc. Whether or not that will happen is the mystery!
post #37 of 41
#1-2 24 months apart
#2-3 23 months apart
#3-4 25 months apart

all on purpose, only thing is March is a busy month because 3 of them have birthdays then and the other one was born the last day of February! SO, I love the two year age gap I would maybe just suggest not getting pregnant exactly the same time, every other year

I tandem nursed #3-4 for a year together so obviously thru the pregnancy. Had to wean one at age 3 and the other at 14 months because of a 3 week hospital stay My first two I bf for a year each so stopped a couple months before getting pregnant with the next (do regret that part!)
post #38 of 41

i agree

Originally Posted by Holiztic View Post
We are waiting until DS (our only so far) is 2 to even think about it, most likely won't TTC until he's closer to 2.5. These are our reasons:

1) We are Weston A Price (or Traditional Foods) followers and we believe what he found when studying traditional cultures: it is highly taboo to have children less than 3 years apart because (in their folk wisdom) the subsequent child won't be strong/healthy (i.e. the mother hasn't replenished her nutrient store fully). Now, I am sure many of you will argue against this using your own subsequent children as examples, and I am not trying to say your kids aren't strong or healthy, I just believe kids can/might be even stronger when this timing is followed.

3) I really want my oldest to be able to communicate before having another (non-communicative) baby. Just me, I think others can handle this just fine, but I'm not willing to find out if I can!!

Good luck!
Nature knows better, IMO.
post #39 of 41
We generally wait until two-ish to TTC. I really feel like our little ones NEEDED that baby time. I, personally, could not do a less than two year age gap. I know my limits. I find that they are easier to communicate with by the time 2.75 arrives and still young enough not to feel too displaced by a younger sibling. My body also really needs the minimum 2 year recovery time and I am adamant about protection.

DS and DD are two years, eight months apart. DD and the new baby I am due within December () will be two years, nine months apart. Here's hoping it'll all work out! lol
post #40 of 41
Child-led weaning is very important to me.

I spaced my kids 3 2/3 years apart. I would have waited another 6 months if I hadn't had fertility concerns. Both DH and I are the older sibling and both of us were spaced about 3-4 years apart from our sib. So, that's what felt right to us.

there are advantages and disad. to close and far spacing. I guess to me, I wanted DD1 to have me all to herself for a good long while. And then, she was in preschool/school while DD2 got to have me.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Family Planning
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Fertility › Family Planning › How far/near did you space your children?