Originally Posted by honeybeedreams
i always find this interesting... when someone is treating you badly, or complaining about something you are doing and you stop speaking to them and then *nothing.* i always wonder, why didn't you just stop talking to me before all this damage was done in the relationship? if what you really wanted was for us to just not be talking or being in contact, why not just do it and then at some point maybe something could be worked out, but why do all this negative stuff first? that always confuses me. i guess because maybe it's just easier for most people to be negative rather than just be honest and say "you know, i just can't deal with what is happening right now, i'd rather not have contact with you." people really just baffle me sometimes.
Yes, baffled is pretty much how I feel whenever I try to understand my mom's motives. I think that, basically, my mom just wanted control, and as long as she thought there was some possibility of her getting me to do things more her way, she was eager to keep trying.
But when I stopped being as affected by her criticisms, and started just changing the subject or cutting short the visit, I think she felt very, very stifled and frustrated. And started talking about me more and more venomously whenever anyone would listen.
I think she was probably sounding out other people, as to what she could actually do about me. Again, maybe she wasn't the one who made the call (I still think it was probably my sister) -- but I think when the call actually got made, and then nothing came of it, maybe she just literally gave up on me. Judging from her reaction of surprise when I told her the social worker saw no need for further involvement, I think she seriously had believed that involving the authorities would force my hand.
I can't really know for sure, and of course I can't control whatever, if anything, she and my sister may be "plotting." My sister's youngest daughter just got married, and is planning on having children (this is my sister's last possibility to become a Grandma) -- so maybe Mom and Sis can get busy raising those kids.
Not so great for them, but I guess it solves my problem.
My niece is still in her 20's, and is pretty close to her parents and pretty much agrees with her mom (my sister) on everything. And she'd probably work and leave her children in the care of my sister and her husband. So that should give mom and sis a pretty wide canvas to paint, huh?