or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › What does your own mother and/or mother in law think of being a SAHM?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

What does your own mother and/or mother in law think of being a SAHM?

post #1 of 134
Thread Starter 
What does your own mother and/or your mother-in-law think of being a SAHM, either in general or specifically about you?

Pro/con?

Supportive/un-supportive?

Neutral?

Has their outlook changed over time?
post #2 of 134
I would say unsupportive and probably weirded out.
My IL's come from an era where women's lib was just starting I guess and a working woman was afforded a lot of respect.
I would always be asked when I'm going to start working again and they always praise/sympathize with their daughter (my SIL) about how she works and raises 4 kids at the same time (I only have one).
Of course I could objectively say that the quality of care that my SIL gives her children is far below what I give mine (I say quality of care because I am sure she loves her kids just as much as I love mine). But those things don't matter to my IL's, I guess. I think they feel that there's no reason a woman could hold a job and be able to take care of the household at the same time.
post #3 of 134
My mom thinks its great. My mil thinks I'm a lazy bum. Oh well.
post #4 of 134
My mother-in-law stayed at home until her kids were in mid-high school. I sensed a lot of concern in her mind that I wouldn't stay at home (particularly when I did go back to teaching for a few months when the boys were one). My mother was a stay at home mom until all of us were in elementary school so there was nothing negative there either though I don't think she would have been disappointed had I done it differently.
post #5 of 134
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpybear View Post
and a working woman was afforded a lot of respect.
Well, to be fair, generally working men are afforded more respect than non-working men.

It's the same for women, I think.

But, I do think it's a bit more socially accepted for a woman to be a SAHP than it is for a man to be a SAHP, which is unfair and not right.
post #6 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post
Well, to be fair, generally working men are afforded more respect than non-working men.

It's the same for women, I think.

But, I do think it's a bit more socially accepted for a woman to be a SAHP than it is for a man to be a SAHP, which is unfair and not right.

I guess the word would be "novel". I think during my MIL's time, a woman with a career going for her was quite a novel thing and the thing that most/a lot of women strived for.
But not to downplay women who work at all because even I have a TON of respect for women who are able to do that. It's just that sometimes I feel a little bit resentful that I am not given some respect as a SAHM. YKWIM?
post #7 of 134
My mom is all for it. She wishes that she could have done it. She and my dad divorced so she was left to fend for herself.

My MIL is kinda neutral I guess. I think it angers her sometimes that I get the chance to do this. She was always the breadwinner in their family because she went to college and had a better job. My FIL was a marine and then worked for his mother's paint store. So he didn't make much money. Anyway, she kinda avoids the topic with me. I think she is jealous/ bitter about it sometimes.
post #8 of 134
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpybear View Post
I guess the word would be "novel". I think during my MIL's time, a woman with a career going for her was quite a novel thing and the thing that most/a lot of women strived for.
But not to downplay women who work at all because even I have a TON of respect for women who are able to do that. It's just that sometimes I feel a little bit resentful that I am not given some respect as a SAHM. YKWIM?
:

ITA.

I am a SAHM right now, but I used to work. And I remember facing other people's judgement when my maternity leave was ending and I was considering going back to work.

So, I really felt judged no matter what my decision was...work and put my child in day care or SAH and quit my job from some people.



Ironically, one of the people judging (well, rather who made negative comments) did it to me when I talked about going back to work, and later said negative things about my decision to stay at home!

post #9 of 134


You just can't please everybody I guess.
That's why my cardinal rule is to please myself first.
post #10 of 134
Both are really, incredibly supportive.

My mil stayed home with her 2 youngest (3 children total) and breastfed until age 3 with both as well. She tells everyone how lucky Holden is to have his Mommy stay home with him.

My mother is great, too, she stayed home with us until we were both in elementary school. I think she would have waited longer except that my father really wanted her to go back to work.
post #11 of 134
Both my mil and mother have never vocalized anything but happiness. At first, I think it may have bothered my mil a little bit but she's gotten over it.
post #12 of 134
I would say both sets of parents are happy with what we've chosen for our family.
post #13 of 134
Both my mom and my MIL stayed home for some portion of their lives so they're both pretty supportive. I've specifically talked about it with my mom though and she thinks it's great.
post #14 of 134
My own mother feels like I am judging her and gets very defensive when I talk about how much I love being a SAHM--or just talk about SAHMing. She worked A LOT when I was growing up, she owned 3 newspapers in 3 cities; so my older brother and sister grew up in the care of nannies and I lived with my gran until I was 9. She talks about how she had to work that much to put food on the table. . .but not really, IMHO we didn't really need designer clothes, more than one house, a swimming pool, 3 cars (one of them a corvette), etc. . .but I guess that was all important to her. My MIL is always trying to find me jobs, even circles ones in the paper she thinks I would be interested in. She does think I am an excellent mother. . .but just doesn't get the SAHM thing especially when we've been sooooo poor. Now that we've moved to Japan though, neither of them say anything about me SAHMing. . .ah, the plusses of living overseas
post #15 of 134
My mom has been a SAHM since I was born! She loves it, and that is the reason I always wanted to stay at home, I had many fond memories of it as a child. My MIL thinks I'm lazy and mooching off of DH. I really don't care what she thinks and have never let it get to me.
post #16 of 134
my mom and mil were both sahm's so they get it and are very supportive. :
post #17 of 134
Both of us grew up in homes with our moms home with us so it comes as no suprise to either set of parents.

But, DH says my father would have a problem if I had to work.
post #18 of 134
My Mom was also SAHM and it was great for us. There was always someone home and there to take us to all of our activities. That is what I want for my children. Both my Mom and MIL are 100% supportive of me being a SAHM.
post #19 of 134
Both my mother and mother-in-law were stay at home moms so I think they're both very happy about it.
post #20 of 134
My mom stayed at home with me and my brother, so she is thrilled that I'm home with my kids. She's also thrilled that I can babysit my brother's baby whenever he and his wife need childcare coverage.

My mother-in-law died in March. Before that, though, she thought the sun rose and set on me. I could do no wrong in her book, and she was also thrilled that I stayed home to take care of her precious grandbabies.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Stay at Home Parents
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › What does your own mother and/or mother in law think of being a SAHM?