Quote:
Originally Posted by patronia  How have others learned to trust their donors? If anyone could help that'd be great.
|
Long conversations in person helped me figure out that three of the men I knew well that I considered as donors were not going to work.
With some of the guys I recruited via an ad for a KD, a few e-mails was all it took for me to say "Thanks, moving on..."
The worst was one guy who I was really excited about, but kept breaking tentative plans.
i.e. we'd say "let's meet and chat on Tuesday," and then I'd e-mail him on Monday to say "When tomorrow?" and he'd say "Can't, how about Wednesday?" and then I'd say "Sure, how about at 5:00?" and then he'd e-mail at 4:30 to say "Can't, how about tomorrow?"
After a few rounds of that, I said "No way," because if he can't show up for coffee, the odds he can show up with the goods on time are slim.
Finally, the guy that I am the most pleased with is reachable, responsive, motivated to do this for his own reasons that are compatible with my motivations and goals. He's accessible, and approachable. He didn't flake when we met in person, and he has always responded to my e-mails promptly, etc.
He may not prove to be trustworthy in other ways, but he is trustworthy in that respect - I can count on him to show up as needed. He's also donated before, which helps me trust that he knows what he's getting into. He doesn't balk at signing a contract - even thought I know it isn't legally bulletproof, at least it shows intent, and gives us a chance to talk about what we each want and need from each other.
As for blood tests - I think if you can trust someone in other ways, you can trust that this is carried out well. If you don't trust someone enough to trust that the paperwork he shows you isn't made up, that should be a red flag.
For instance, a friend insisted on going with her KD to a oral swab 20 minutes results clinic to get his HIV results. In some ways, she realized she was doing it because she didn't trust him to not fake the paperwork, but she was telling herself that she was doing it in order to support him and to motivate him to go.
She eventually realized that she didn't trust him for a myriad of reasons, and going with him to the clinic to get results with him would assure her of his HIV status, but it wasn't going to resolve the trust issues she had with him.
I hope that helps....
