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feeling really really torn and let down (rant)

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
(long rant, sorry) OK, so I don't know if anyone can relate to this or not but I feel like I'm in the dumps today over a decision I have to make.

I'm part of a practice management/personal development group in the chiropractic profession. I speak to my coach every couple of weeks, there are assignments, protocols, challenges, and lots of great things he creates for me in order to help me grow both professionally and personally. There are 3 chiros in my town who are in this group - myself, my husband, and another chiro who has become a very good confidante and friend. The three of us are very tight and work together weekly for two hours doing much of the above mentioned things our coach gives us.

Twice a year there is a four day (3 night) retreat at a remote location where we work our butts off physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's an amazing retreat - I've been to one only so far and I have so been looking forward to this next one because I grew so much from the last retreat. It really helped my personal life with my family, my friends, and my practice really took off after it. It was awesome.

The challenge is that we all have to agree to play 100% full on. No witholding, no holding back, giving 100% of everything in order get the most out of the retreat. (There are about 10 chiros from all over Canada who go to this....we are connected online too but the big event is always the retreats)

And this morning, after throwing up twice last night and once again while getting out of bed at 9 am because I called into work for not feeling well, I realized that I am not okay to go to the retreat in two weeks. I would be letting the group down because it would be fair to them and I'd be letting myself down because I would probably be exhausted, sick, and I wouldn't get out of the retreat what I wanted. It wouldn't be a healthy decision for me nor for the baby.

Easy decision, right?

Except for the fact that I feel like I'm being punished a little. I've worked my ass off for the last few months to lead up to this event and now I can't go. I'm bummed, let down, frustrated, and mad. And to boot, my hubby and this other chiro will go and experience everything I've soooo been looking forward to. I'm so frustrated....so tired...and just so so so let down.

Sorry and thanks to anyone who listened to this. I just needed to get it out. I probably sound incredibly selfish by even still wanting to go to the retreat, but I do! I really really want to go. So so frustrated....:
post #2 of 3
Sorry you are bummed. How many weeks are you? Maybe in 2 weeks you will feel better? I am not throwing up so I don't have the experience on that but I have noticed that if I throw myself into a project I forget that I feel so bad. Especially if I have other people around me. Last week my aunt and I plastered my whole bedroom on a afternoon that I thought I wouldn't make it through. But I did it! I bet you can overcome your sickness in a mind over matter situation.

post #3 of 3
IMO - If the point of it all is to better yourself. Then maybe you shouldn't feel let down, but accomplished of all the things you have already done leading to it and good about your decision to do what is best for your baby if you do not feel you are physically up to it. Just because you cannot complete the whole course doesn't mean you cannot get something out of what has already happened.
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