How is everyone doing this month?

[gonnabeamom]

How are you handling the rollercoaster this cycle?

Trying anything new? Reaching for serenity? Feeling like hiding out?

[naturegirl]

Just laying low and praying for a miracle. : At least that's what it feels like sometimes.

I am still charting just so I can relay info to my acupuncturist and chiropractor about my cycles. I don't think I would be if my acupuncturist didn't use the info for my treatments. I am trying to stay positive yet at the same time prepare myself for being around my 3 nephews and pregnant sil for Christmas. Being around all of them really makes me yearn for a baby and family of my own.

How are you doing? I hope we both have wonderful news at the end of this months rollercoaster ride.

Cheryl

[gonnabeamom]

I'm surprisingly optimistic this month. I finally know when I O'd, which is a first for me. I'm also O ing earlier, so I'm less nervous about my boderline LP

I've somehow been able to do things that have been hard for me. I've had 2 cups of fertility tea each day, instead of 4 cups twice a week. I had to go buy new vitex cause I couldn't find my bottle, but I just did it instead of putting it off.

I'm partly optimistic that I will get pregnant, and partly I find myself just happy that things seem to be falling into place.

I actually was looking at a couple of books I'll be buying if it's not our month, and I seemed to be okay with that.

I've got a huge desire to be pregnant at Christmas, but nobody else is reproducing in my family so I won't be around little ones.

A priestess I know is doing a fertility ritual for me soon (we had to reschedule because she was menstruating) and that makes me feel confident, too.

[naturegirl]

Sounds like you are doing great! It is very difficult for me to "let go" of expectations and outcomes. I have a feeling I will need to get there for pregnancy to occur but I don't really know how. I am trying to look forward to the things I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant, like go snowboarding. That way if I don't achieve pregnancy I can at least go out and have some fun on the slopes...(would much rather be home wrapped in a comfy blanket with a herbal tea/hot apple cider, a book, and a baby growing in my womb though.)

I have also noticed I have a fear of repeat miscarriage. I don't know how to get over that either. I guess I just have to start having faith in a higher power and take good care of myself. Easier said than done...

Cheryl

[kelly]

I am in my first cycle of ttc since I took a 1 year hiatus after a previous year of ttc and no babe. My feelings are very strange to me right now - I think I am so afraid to get my hopes up and have them shattered that I can't get excited about a possible pregnancy at all. I know this is not a healthy mindset to be in while ttc, but I do not know what to do about it. Any suggestions?

Kelly

[gonnabeamom]

Kelly,

I think your feelings are quite understandable. If my experience holds, they will change on their own. You will get excited when your baby gets here, and I don't think it will hurt anything if you don't get excited until then.

I would only be concerned if you can't get excited about anything TTC can be so all consuming that it's good to try and keep doing other things that make you feel good.

I hope that this can be a good place for you, and that you are not here long.

[naturegirl]

I don't know if this will help or not. It helped me but I can be a little weird...

I was just talking to a lady I know about her kids. She has two boys one is 17 and the other is 13. Well she told me it took her 7 years to conceive her first son and basically 4 years to conceive the other! It helped me because as I get to the one year mark it doesn't make it seem so bad. I can still get pregnant and experience birth. I know I can! It may take me some time but it will happen. It will happen for all of us! Hopefully it won't take us 7 years but if that what it takes...I will take 7 years over never.

Good luck ladies and don't give up hope. Her boys are beautiful!

Cheryl


P.S. She didn't do any medical interventions...

[chrissy]

hi mamas,

i have just finished (as of sunday) a cylcle of hormone replacement therapy- 14 days of estrogen then 7 of estrogen and progesterone- and now i am waiting and hoping that AF will show so i can try clomid. i am hopeful but also scared. if this doesn't work, not sure what that means. i'm also having acupuncture weekly and she thinks i am going to have a period so we will see.

saw a beautiful maternity shirt today and wanted to buy it but didn't.

again told my dh that i just want to adopt and he is still not ready.

cheryl, thank you for the inspiring story! also, i have no idea how to let go of ideals and outcomes. i am struggling with this mysel. but i do have

kelly, i struggle with similar feelings. i want to feel hopeful but i don't want to set myself up for a huge fall. i don't know how to handle the discrepancy. i hope we can help each other on this board. and

gonnabeamom, how much longer until you test? you sound really peaceful! good for you mama!

[gonnabeamom]

Hi Gals,

Naturegirl,

I also know someone who took 10 years, a few people who've been through IVF. I do think part of what makes this hard on all of us, is that it seems like everyone else gets pregnant right away. And by extension that maybe there is something wrong with you if you don't. I just think people who take longer don't talk about it. Most poeple will be honest with a few close friends if it takes/took awhile, but usually then only if someone else mentions their difficulty. On the other hand nobody minds announcing they got pregnant on the first try. Back when I watched a baby story complusively there was a huge range of time people tried.

LawyORmama,
I hope you get your period (boy do I feel weird typing that).

If it doesn't work their are other options, both technological and magical. Clomid is not the end of the road, or the only one.


As for me I'm not so peaceful, but I am wound up in a happy way. I've got a really nice chart that I stare at for about 5 minutes every morning. I pledged to ignore symptoms after last cycle, so I obsess about my chart instead, which normally doesn't make much sense. I went back over my old ones and they don't have a pattern at all. I have had one good chart that look like pregnant before, but it took a nose dive at the end.

I also promised myself I wouldn't test until I was late, becuase I usually O around day 20 of a 30 day cycle, but this cycle I O'd on day 17 which means I could actually be 10dpo over the weekend. I'd really like to find out on a weekend so I could spend the day with DH. He didn't buy me a birthday present this year because what he really wanted to get me was a smashing maternity dress, and he couldn't bear to give up on that and get me something else. I want to go shopping!

So , We'll see how long I can hold out.

[kelly]

I'm so glad that there are other people here who can relate to this experience. The stories also give me hope. I am confident that those of us who are already here will serve as sources of hope for the others, too.

I went in for my first ultrsound yesterday, and have 4 follicles that will probably be ready tomorrow. So, I will soon be starting the 2ww and reaping all of its emotional ups and downs.

gonnabeamom - Thanks. I am feeling more and more optimistic daily. I may not be pregnant this cycle, but I am more confident that I will be at some point. The hardest part is not knowing when that will be. Does that make sense?

Baby dust and thoughts for inner peace to everyone.


Kelly

[AdinaL]

Hi gals! Everybody sounds so good this month!

I am still waiting to O, but I am feeling good about everything.

I have been reading the Whole Person Fertility Program, and it is really good. It is also helping me see some of the things that I have been holding on to emotionally. Some of it I take with a grain of salt...but most of it is really good.

I had an epiphany about getting pregnant, that I felt for some reason I didin't deserve to be pregnant as much as other women. That was interesting and good to realize. I also realized that somewhere inside, I went into ttc thinking that there were going to be problems. That for some reason I couldn't get pregnant.

So this month, I am pretty hugely optimistic. I can and will get pregnant. I can and will have a baby. It is a very different outlook than I have had before. It is no longer "if" but "when".

Anyway , this is just one of those things, that I know you guys would get! So I thought I would be long winded and share!

Much and to all!!!

[gonnabeamom]

Kelly,

The not knowing when makes perfect sense to me. I went through a phase around cycle 6, where I was really stuck on that. Like "okay, I get that this will take time-just give me the number. If I just know I could handle it". It did eventually pass.

Adina,

I've got a short list of books I'm gonna get if this doesn't turn out to be my month. Whole Person is on the top.


It so good to be able to investigate what might be blocking you without being hard on yourself. I try to do that for myself. I am thrilled you are feeling optimistic. I think you'll make a wonderful mom.

I'm obsessing over my chart, but managing a little bit of rationality even while I do it.

[Astrid]

Thanks for this thread, the positive energy has really helped make me feel better this morning I was feeling so positive all month, then last night af started and I felt so down I cried all night and this morning, I couldn't stop. A year ago I thought I would be holding a baby by this Christmas, or at least be pregnant but it wasn't meant to be I guess.

I keep telling myself it will happen, I just have to be patient but it is hard when every one around you is getting pregnant and having babies. The infertility story that keeps me going is my aunt-in-law who saw the dr after trying to conceive and was told there was no way she could, Im not sure what was wrong but she had a bunch of operations and nothing seemed to work and she was told there was nothing more that could be done. 3 years later she was pregnant! 5 years later she was pregnant again! So I feel like there is a chance for me.

It is wonderful to have a place here to sort of vent this out, esp since there is no one to talk to in real life about it. And I look forward to all of us being

[gonnabeamom]

Astrid,

Have a big .

I've certainly been there. I've seen my parents, who live across the country, an unsual number of times this year, and each time I was sad when I didn't come up pregnant, but thought "well, I'll be pregnant next time I see them."

Same for my birthday, my DH's birthday, mothers day, fathers day, etc.

We're just stuck here balancing the statistics for all those folks who get pregnant the first month. My Dr. took 10 years. But it's gonna happen.

Chrissy,

Any news? Did you change your login name?

As for me, I'm having a weird time because I think this might be my month, but I'm being fairly contained about it. My DH, usually the voice of reason, and Mr. Rain on my parade, when I get excited, practically tapped danced out of the house because my temp went back up after a dip.

It's all great, but it's very strange.

[chrissy]

Oh Astrid, I'm so sorry. s May this be your last AF for a long long time!!

Gonnabeamom, I am so excited for you!! Will try to remain cautiously so. Come on BFP, Come on! I did change my screen name (from lawyORmama? to chrissy) and I changed my signature too.

I'm working on being optimistic and positive. I had some red spotting on Wednesday and it looks like that will be my "period." Had a pelvic exam, no cysts so I'm supposed to start the drugs (Clomid and Tamoxifen) today. I'm very nervous about this for some reason. I wasn't going to tell my acupuncturist but that felt wrong, so I just called and confessed. She was awesome and I am so intensely relieved.

Adina, that's right woman you WILL get pregnant!! I am new to this positive thinking bit but so far I like it!

Kelly, hurrah for your follicles! Have they released yet? I hope your 2 week wait is a relatively easy one with a huge-o gigantico postive at the end!

Cheryl, how are you doing?

[naturegirl]

Oh boy I am really trying to be positive this month and it is hard... Monday is the anniversary of my miscarriage. My baby's "birthday" so to speak. That is why I am having a hard time I think. I was so sure I would have had a baby by now or at least been pregnant by now. I remember telling a friend of mine that I wanted to have a baby or at least a big belly by Christmas of this year. That isn't going to happen. (hopefully a little, teeny belly though... )

Other than that I am just waitig to O. Still hasn't happened this cycle although I think it will probably happen before Monday.
It is so great to have you ladies to share my thoughts with. . I hope we all have great success stories soon.

Cheryl

[Astrid]

It's funny, I was avoiding coming here because I thought it would make me obsess, but really, having a baby is on my mind all the time and talking out my feelings here really helps

Telling dh I am pregnant would be the best Christmas present ever so I am really hoping this is the month. I am going to try to absorb some of the positive energy on this thread to help me through the month.

Cheryl

Chrissy, your sig!

[kelly]

Chrissy - I am now 2 dpo! I had two huge follicles and two medium size ones. Hopefully just one of those will be the one!

I'm excited and scared at the same time, though. I keep having this nagging feeling that my tubes are blocked - I know that sounds weird, but I had an HSG 2 years ago and it hurt really, really badly! I heard that's common in women who are blocked, although the radiologist said the dye went through on both sides - I couldn't watch the screen because I was in so much pain. Anyway, my RE wanted to see the films because she says she has disagreed with radiologists' opinions before, and my films get lost in the mail!! (*!&# Postal Service!!) So now there's no proof. Then, when I had laparsocopy last month, my RE told my partner right afterward that my tubes seemed clogged, but she was able to flush fluid through them. BUT, when I went in for my post-op visit, she tells me that she *couldn't* flush fluid through my tubes, but since my HSG results were good I shouldn't worry!! I don't know what to think, but having blocked tubes would sure explain my infertility when nothing else does! I don't know - maybe I should get a second opinion, but now I don't have any facts to base another doctors' opinion on - no HSG films, and contradictory stories from my RE.

Sorry for the book here - just frustrated and afraid to get my hopes up because I feel like something's wrong but I can't prove it, you know? My only other option is in vitro at this point. Sigh. Soooo, I am just keeping my fingers crossed about this cycle, and maybe I won't have to worry about this stuff any more . My RE did say that she'd only have me do injectable hormones for 3 tries before sending me for in vitro, anyway, so I guess there's a light at the end of the tunnel..........

Kelly

[gonnabeamom]

Kelly,

Yeah! for those follicles!

As for me I'm starting a new cycle today, and miserable about it as I always am on the first day. Holidays make it harder.

Tomorrow I'll be optimistic, or maybe Thursday, about the progress I've made this cycle, but right now I am just gonna let myself feel wretched.

I'm supposed to see good friends later today, and I can't decide whether I want to cancel because pretending to feel normal around them is a strain, or want to see them because it would be a good distraction.

I'll wait until it gets closer to decide.

[naturegirl]

Gonnabeamom, hope you are feeling better soon.

Kelly, how are things going. You are 4 or 5 DPO right? I sure hope you achieve pregnancy this cycle so you don't have to go through more tests.

Hey obnoxiously positive! :LOL Getting geared up to O soon I hear. Hoping you move on to the 40 week wait soon.

Astrid, I wouldn't be able to keep my mind off of ttc either. I am very stubborn sometimes... Hope being here helps you too.

Chrissy, what's up with you lately? Glad to see you have an awesome acupuncturist. I love mine too.

Lots of for all of us this cycle.

Hang in there ladies, I am sending positive baby vibes to you all!
<<<<<<<<<babyvibes>>>>>>>>>>

Cheryl