The women who said those things to you were being completely unsupportive. And I agree with pp's that the things they said probably have more to do with themselves than they do with you. And I also understand that it's still hurtful. I had a few people make those kinds of comments to me when I was pregnant. And it was hurtful. So I just decided that I was going to be as positive as I could be, that I was going to surround myself with people who supported me, that I was going to tell people who said those kinds of things that I needed them to either support me or please not say anything, and that I would do everything I could to prove them wrong. And even though I did all of those things, after 31 hours of labor, I needed to have a cesarean for my baby to be born. I will not go into details because that's not really my point. My point is that birth is unpredictable and you can't really control how it's going to take place. You can definitely influence it, but you can't control it. Here are some quoted posts:
Originally Posted by janefriar
I recommend reading Birthing From Within.
Originally Posted by micah_mae_
Thank you everyone! I definitely feel back to my normal self and have more confidence. If anyone else has any words of wisdom, please feel free to share!
My point in telling you that I needed a cesarean is not to discourage you or scare you. But just to remind you to expect the unexpected. Birthing From Within is a wonderful approach to childbirth because it's focus is to help you open to the possibilities of birth (ALL of the possibilities). I do believe that most women can birth naturally and I also believe that a birthing naturally is the healthiest choice you can make, but I also think it's misleading to tell someone that if they read all the right books and do all the right things that they will have the perfect birth (this was the mistaken assumption that I had going into my birth experience and that assumption set me up for failure). You will have the birth that you are supposed to have. And you can influence that, but you can't control it.
Here are few things that you can do to prepare yourself for what might come:
1. Develop a pain coping mind set. Labor and birth is painful, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer. Pain is nothing more than a physical sensation that serves a purpose (to warn the body of danger--i.e. if you step on something sharp, your nerves send a pain signal to your brain which then sends a signal back to your foot and you pull away to protect your foot from further harm). The pain of labor is different because you kind of have to accept and go into the pain in order for the contractions to be effective (speaking from my experience of labor). Again that doesn't mean you have to suffer... you can practice breath awareness, non focused awareness, ovarian breathing, vocalizing, or any number of pain coping practices so that, even if you're in pain, you can break the cycle of suffering. Have your labor support person practice these with you so that, when you're in labor and your brain has turned to oatmeal, you have someone who can guide you back into your pain coping practice if you get out of it.
2. Before you go into labor, visualize yourself coping with something that you want to avoid. The point is not to visualize the unwanted, but to see yourself COPING with it, even if you don't like what's happening. This is a very brief description of a longer process, but essentially, if you can try to visualize yourself dealing with something unwanted and that YOU are innately OKAY even if that something happens... well that can give you a source of strength to draw from if that unwanted something does happen.
Again, I'm not saying all this to try and discourage you. I hope that you have a strong and positive birth experience And I believe these suggestions can help you to be open to the possibilities and to birth from a place of strength no matter how your birth unfolds.