Other Mom's Being Mean... - Page 5

[ChristSavesAll]

[QUOTE=justice'smom;12240636]I can see how that comment would offend you. I don't think, and I could be wrong, but I don't think she meant that comment to all women that have had epidurals. I think she meant the comment to be for those ladies that said those comments. I tend to agree that any women that says to another women there's no way you can do it, is probably upset that she didn't. All births are beautiful because at the end you have a beautiful baby. I too had an epidural with my first, unplanned, but it didn't and doesn't make me any less of a person for it. I did have a natural birth and something is definantly missed when you have an epidural. I say that also to clarify what the poster had said. I personally think all of our birth experiences should be celebrated.[/QUOTE

Ok I've posted twice but just wanted to add one more thing. I had an epi with ds, signed up for that the day I decided I wanted to be a mommy more than anything else (soooo like as a young girl) and thought that why go through pain if you dont have to? I said similar things to other women I talked to about they will want the epi and even telling a friend just get the epi "trust me". It wasnt about projecting any sorrow I had about my own birth, I honestly thought that was the only way to do it. It's kinda like when you are preggo and TONS of women are giving you "advice", they don't mean to annoy you (ok maybe some do) but they are usually sincere and genuinely think they are gonna help you.

Now that I've had a natural birth I totally understand how telling another momma that "you will want the epi" can be very unhelpful to a women who really has that desire to birth naturally. I didn't with ds and took the epi with the first few contractions (granted I was on pit) but with dd I actually looked forward to all the feelings/sensations and yes even the pain, so I think the difference in the attitude it whats important. I was totally prepared for the worst pain imaginable and that really helped.

Hope that helps some understand both sides...

[diamond lil]

Oh momma! I feel you. Listen, I am THE BIGGEST WIMP in the world. I mean, I bawl like a baby over a paper cut, and I had a natural childbirth. I don't feel like I needed an epidural.

You'll be fine! Trust in yourself!

[thefragile7393]

Don't get anxious, get MAD! For me, every skeptical comment I got made me more determined than ever to have a natural childbirth. I wanted to do it because it was the best thing for me and my baby, but almost as much I wanted to prove those skeptics wrong! It was as though I had made a public commitment to go through with this thing, and there was no way I was going to go back in the office with my tail between my legs and admit they were right.

This was a good part of my thinking. I had one woman irritated with me when I said I birthed ds without drugs. She got mad and said that the pain was so bad with her child that she never wanted anymore. She last gave birth in the early 70's, strapped down and with all the indignities that were proposed on many women back then...so I can see why she'd want drugs and never want to have more kids either. I'm sorry that happened to her. I don't need that negativity though.

[septbabymama]

I heard the same things during my pregnancy. A lot of it has to do with their inability to go through birth without epidural themselves so just ignore them. They would say to me, "Good luck with that...that was my intention, too!" Just because they couldn't do it doesn't mean you can't. I was reading a thread today about moms who had epidural feeling residual numbness for 6 weeks after birth or as long as 2 years so that's something you can avoid among other things. You will give birth naturally so don't worry!

[katiesk]

For me, those comments were part of what it took to make me not even want medication during labor. I could see why people would get medication, but that stubbornness gave me extra incentive to just do it my own way. Along with all of the better reasons to give birth naturally!

[morganlefay]

You can do it! I'm a total wimp when it comes to pain . . . and my daughter's birth was 100% natural--in a hospital! The whole time I was pregnant, people were saying all kinds of hurtful things to me (although they didn't mean to be that way). Even my best friend said I was nuts for not wanting the epidural, and my mom was like, "there's no shame in it if you need it." It seemed like everyone was conspiring against my self-confidence. But labor is so different from anything I've ever experienced--and yes, it did hurt, but it was more like hard work (hence they call it labor) than any other pain I've experienced. I would describe it most of all as powerful. And I'm so glad I went natural--I'd do it all over again

[MegBoz]

I haven't read the other replies yet, but wanted to weigh in anyway.
My journey to natural CB started with the fact that I knew the CS rate in the US was high - higher than other industrialized nations - and therefore probably many were unnecessary. I wanted to avoid an unnecessary CS. I don't trust doctors anyway (hehe.. I really don't trust anyone) So I figured I had to get educated and advocate for myself rather than blindly trust a doc's words.

So I bought the book "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." Then, there was no doubt in my mind I was skipping epidural! DH & I signed up for Bradley training. At that point in time, I figured I could "suck it up & deal with the pain." It was worth enduring the pain to avoid the risks and, primiarly, the cascade of other medical interventions that the epidural can often lead to.

But I then decided to read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth." and something amazing happened.. I learned that natural CB isn't just about "sucking it up & enduring the pain." Natural CB could be wonderful & amazing - in and of itself! I HIGHLY recommend this book.

I personally decided to stop telling people I was planning a natural birth, unless I was pretty sure they would be supportive. (So... I very rarely said anything since few Americans are supportive.) DH told me that people would say to him, "Yea right! Whatever, she'll be begging for that epidural." But I told him to stop telling me when people said this to him. It made me mad! I wanted to snap back, "Just because you weren't strong enough to handle it, doesn't mean I won't be either." Of course, that is rude and mean and I won't say it, but I thought it.

And, honestly, it's true! Just because the ladies you talk to didn't THINK they could go naturally does NOT mean that you won't be able to either.

I also highly recommend avoiding these conversations altogether. They have the "Trump card" so to speak in that they have been there - you have not. No matter what you say, they can always come back with, "Yeah, that is all well and good until you feel those contractions! You don't know what you are talking about! You haven't felt it. You WILL ask for that epidural!" And, there is just nothing you can say in response to that. The conversation goes no where. It is not a conversation worth having. So it's therefore best to avoid altogether.

I'm certified as a fitness instructor & personal trainer. I remember reading that studies show athletes perform better when they VISUALIZE succeeding in their mind - like basketball players picturing throwing free throws. I think birth must be the same way. I spent time throughout the last months of pregnancy imagining myself in labor & feeling the pains, but breathing through them, coping with them, being relaxed. That's a big part of Bradley training too - practicing your relaxation techniques with your DH/DP/Coach. I also practiced my mantras with things like:
- I'll never feel THAT contraction again
- I'm that much closer
- I am no hat!
(heheh.. that's analogy from "The Thinking WOman's Guide to a better birth." a lady who had & epidural & felt nothig siad it was like watching a rabbit being pulled from a hat. Being the hat is a far cry from being the magician! I told myself I would not be an inert, inactive object from which a baby would be removed. I would give birth.)

To that end, if you want to build a strong vision in your mind of a great natural birth, I think it's important to not only avoid the nay-sayers, but surround yourself with those who HAVE done it naturally & think it is a great thing. (I had a FABULOUS birth experience! ) So it's good that you are here now!

[Mal85]

I have a very hard time with this in my family. I actually have a hard time explaining anything about my parenting decisions to people in my family which can be especially frustrating. My degree is in Child and Family Development, you'd think they could accept that I might actually know what I'm talking about when it comes to parenting. The natural birth thing though is difficult because I'm so excited about it. This is my first pregnancy and I just feel in my heart like this is what I was meant to do. Pregnancy has agreed with me so well and I feel very complete right now. I've been doing a lot of reading about natural birth and the more information I gather the more excited I am about actually putting into action. And all my family can say is "you're gonna want that epidural". No I don't! I can't seem to get that across to them. I feel like the birth of my child is something I want to be completely involved in, not something I want to escape from and is one thing in my life that I actually can do completely on my own. I was made to do this! It's very frustrating to be told I'm not strong enough before I even get there...

[animallover]

I had comments like that too and responded with, "well, S (my youngest son who was with me at the time) was born at home naturally without pain medication, weren't you S?!" That shut her up very quickly and she kinda ran away. My DD who was born UC at the end of May was all natural too! Don't let it shake your confidence, use that negativity to follow through with your plans. Yeah, it hurts, learn how to work with your body and to surrender to the experience and you will get through it better than just fine. Our bodies were made for this!

[lil_miss_understood]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I want to jump in. I think this is all so much more difficult for first time moms.
With ds1, I had so many people telling me this crap. Don't listen to them. They don't know anything. If you *do* listen to them, they'll ruin it for you, imho. I was talked into getting... "augmented" which lead to further medical "interventions". : Jerks.
With ds2, it was basically just dh and I when it came time for the birth. I was adamant that I was going to have a natural birth. DH was totally supportive. Just as I knew, my body knew what to do. DS2 was born with no medical interventions, beyond a mw to catch him (in a hospital because I was told antibiotics were my only option to deal with GBS- need to do more research on that this time).
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you're going to do fine. The reason so many women end up with such horrible experiences (imo) where their anasthesiologist (spelling's messed sorry) is their "best friend" in labor is because they are so scared. Don't let them scare you, mama! Your body knows what to do and so do you!
My second birth, btw, I learned a couple of things I want to pass on. It might seem ridiculous, but relax your face. And remember, slow, flow, down. Let it all slowly flow down your body. Don't tell yourself to relax. Find a mantra that's good for you.

[prothyraia]

If it makes you feel better, I had an epidural with my first and decided that I certainly did NOT want one with any subsequent children. And had a lovely homebirth with my second child. Having "been there" and seen both sides... it was much better overall without the epidural. Which wasn't even horrid or anything, just not the same at all.

[cottonwood]

People who say these things are just trying to make themselves feel better about their births by bringing you down.

Yup.

So she was "cocky" before. She still ended up making a choice. Well, you can be confident and sure of yourself and then find that it's a lot harder than you thought it would be, and still make a different choice than she did.

to you.

[micah_mae_]

Thank you everyone for your words of comfort and wisdom. I was hanging out with my friend who said she was "cocky too" the other day and guess what she said? "Next time I don't think I'll get the epidural, it wasn't worth it." I just smiled and nodded.

[KariM]

You can do it!!!

I've had two natural unmedicated births in my own home. The first was when I was 37 and had a midwife attending. The second was when I was 40 and I was unassisted.

In both I felt discomfort/pain, but it was FAR FAR less than the pain I felt during my DS's hospital nightmare birth 17 years ago.

Our bodies were designed to birth and when we listen to our bodies and our babies we can minimize the discomfort and birth peacefully.

The women who feel the need to discuss how painful birth is or how horrible the process is are trying to justify their own feelings and experiences.

I've been getting a lot of this lately among church ladies as well. Since I birthed my DD2 at home unassisted last March so many of them feel the need to discuss how dangerous birth is and how important it was for them to be in the hospital. They also spend a lot of time talking about the pain and what a relief the epidural/vicodin/whatever was.

Life is painful - birth only lasts a day or so.

[KariM]

Oh, and I forgot to add that when you do birth your baby naturally you will feel the MOST incredible high and realize just what an amazing woman you are. I felt like I could do absolutely ANYTHING after my first natural birth and after my second (UC) birth I honestly wondered if natural childbirth was being withheld from women in order to keep this truth from them.

Your body is magnificent and strong and you have a power deep within you that you can realize.

I'm so sorry not all women have the chance to experience this wonderful feeling.

[Mary-Beth]

Honestly, I think this experience can be a blessing for you...if them saying that yields so much doubt in you then you will need to clarify your intentions and make your resolve so much bigger...
the reality is that labor can be really hard work-- it isn't always but almost always...babies don't just slip out and women always know therein labor because it is intense and takes a huge amount of focus to breath and relax into it. You can totally do it. And you are right that women have done it for years and years. The reality is you will probably be challenged so as much as you can prepare ahead of time (understand what your body is doing and develop focus strategies) and give yourself a great support team to help you (possibly a midwife or doula?)

I have had 3 natural labors. With the first I suddenly knew I would never judge a woman who wanted an epidural ever again...I still made it through without one but I understood that natural labor is not for everyone. With my 2nd I had almost no pain and had a water birth. The 3rd was another waterbirth...Best wishes.

[onelilguysmommy]

i had one pushed on me but still refused. it was set up except for being in my back, even. i told them i wasnt in much pain, to leave me alone. ugh.
IN a pitocin induced labor.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

dont listen to people trying to put doubts in your head, its just "easier" or whatever so a lot do it, or "if you cn, why not?" well..i can do lots of things im not going to cause theyre "easier" kwim?

[micah_mae_]

Wow I haven't seen this thread in months! I had my all natural water birth with my 10lb 6.5oz beautiful baby boy.
I was 5 cm when I had my water broken (my request) and my baby boy was born into my hands 4 hours later. To be honest, I had an extremely painful labor (words that come to mind are: excruciating, agony, unworldly, mind blowing). It was so bad that I didn't even feel his head come out. When he was born, I didn't care. I was just glad that the pain was over. I didn't bond with him right away.
Despite that, I plan to have my other children the same way.
I do feel like I accomplished something and I know that not all of my labors will be the same. I even look forward to doing it again!
Thanks to everyone for helping me!

[Belle]

Originally Posted by micah_mae_

Wow I haven't seen this thread in months! I had my all natural water birth with my 10lb 6.5oz beautiful baby boy.
I was 5 cm when I had my water broken (my request) and my baby boy was born into my hands 4 hours later. To be honest, I had an extremely painful labor (words that come to mind are: excruciating, agony, unworldly, mind blowing). It was so bad that I didn't even feel his head come out. When he was born, I didn't care. I was just glad that the pain was over. I didn't bond with him right away.
Despite that, I plan to have my other children the same way.
I do feel like I accomplished something and I know that not all of my labors will be the same. I even look forward to doing it again!
Thanks to everyone for helping me!

Congrats! I'm glad your baby's birth went the way you planned.

[Jilian]

Congrats mama!