DD was born in spring of 06. I didn't have the bad baby blues or anything with her, but also didn't have the highs that I did with the first. Everything in the first year was just OK to mildly good feeling. DS had been diagnosed with Asperger's at the same time, so I know there was stess/depression there around that area. Money has also been extremely tight with lots of ups and downs since I am a contractor with a very unsteady income.
But, here I sit with DD almost 2 1/2, and I'm just blah. I waited my whole life to have these kids, have so many things in my head that I'd love to do and experience with them, and I'm just not living up to my own expectations...which aren't supermom expectations by the way.
I've taken depression questionnaires, and they all say I am borderline depressed. I think my biggest problem is just lack of motivation for anything. I procrastinate anything I need to do to the point of being ridiculous- even work things since I work at home and no one is hovering over me telling me to get to work. I feel like the years are ticking by with my kids and I'm just muddling through them.
Granted, I'm a single mom and don't get much time to myself, am financially stressed, and most of my friend contact is over the phone with good friends.
So...could this blah feeling be PPD still? Maybe I had it all along and didn't notice it? Is there a point when it is just depression vs. PPD?
But, here I sit with DD almost 2 1/2, and I'm just blah. I waited my whole life to have these kids, have so many things in my head that I'd love to do and experience with them, and I'm just not living up to my own expectations...which aren't supermom expectations by the way.
I've taken depression questionnaires, and they all say I am borderline depressed. I think my biggest problem is just lack of motivation for anything. I procrastinate anything I need to do to the point of being ridiculous- even work things since I work at home and no one is hovering over me telling me to get to work. I feel like the years are ticking by with my kids and I'm just muddling through them.
Granted, I'm a single mom and don't get much time to myself, am financially stressed, and most of my friend contact is over the phone with good friends.
So...could this blah feeling be PPD still? Maybe I had it all along and didn't notice it? Is there a point when it is just depression vs. PPD?
. No matter what you formally call it, it sounds like things are sad for you right now. I would definitely get in to see a therapist or a pastor/religious leader or someone who can work with you financially and get you some therapy. Sounds like you have a ton on your plate right now and you're really struggling under the weight of it all alone. Take time for you. It always hit home for me when people would remind me that until I made sure I was healthy, I couldn't take good care of my kiddos. They sense that sadness.
