I'm feeling so frustrated and really disappointed in myself right now. I have an almost 20 month old dd and it is increasingly difficult to sleep with her in our bed. First of all it is starting to feel too crowded with both her and dh in our queen size bed. We just moved to a tiny apartment though and we can't fit a king in the room so getting a bigger bed isn't an option. My dh complains every morning about how uncomfortable he slept and i feel i'm constantly fighting her and him for some space. Also even though dd falls asleep in her crib she usually comes in to bed with us around 12:30 to 2:30 and then wants to nurse the rest of the night. This is actually painful for me. I know nursing shouldn't be painful and it's obvious that something is wrong with her latch at night, but if I stay awake all night to make sure her latch is perfect then I won't get any sleep. She's a twiddler too and i have to fight her to keep her hand off my other breast even when its covered with a shirt and a blanket. Sometimes this wakes her all the way up and then it's hard to get her back to sleep. Also as it gets closer to early morning she starts becoming very restless (even though she is still technically sleeping and definitely still tired) she starts kicking me and dh, pulling away with my boob still in her mouth, switching boobs constantly (I can not sleep through this at all) I am tired and grouchy and my breasts are in constant pain. Last night I tried to tell her the boobs were sleeping because I was in so much pain. She cried and cried for half an hour, and then my husband asked if she wanted to go for a drive. Of course then she said yes and he wouldn't take her so I had to get up out of bed and spent an hour driving her back to sleep. I was so tired. Dh went back downstairs to get her out of the car and as soon she was laid down she woke up and cried to nurse. So dh got up with her to watch some tv (it was probably 4:30 am) but she kept coming back in to the bedroom asking to nurse so finally I broke down and nursed her so we could get some sleep. Dh slept on the couch which actually helped a bit because at least I could stretch out and my back didn't hurt so much, but I think I was just so exhausted at that point that it was worth sleeping through the pain. The thing is I always wanted to co-sleep and even now there are times I really enjoy having her in bed with me. I just can't deal anymore with the all-night-nurse-athons. I don't even mind nursing her a bit if I could unlatch her when she seemed done. But she gets so upset when I unlatch her. I feel like such a failure as a mother and as a wife, because it's my fault that no one is getting any sleep. I aso feel like i'm not really being supported by my husband either. To make matters worse I've really been wanting to start trying for another baby, but this makes feel like there is no way we'd survive the pregnancy (if we don't fit in bed now can you imagine what it would be like if I gained 40lbs) let alone having a newborn and a toddler who doesn't sleep. And what if the baby is as bad a sleeper as dd or even worse. I'm really feeling so depressed. Seriously I would have no trouble co-sleeping and night-nursing indefinitely if it weren't so painful and if everyone was getting a good night sleep. Does anyone have any ideas or just words of encouragement?
post #1 of 21
9/22/08 at 1:05am