Emotional causes of self-sabatoging eating (binging) / control issues

[MeloMama08]

Hey, I hope this topic is okay for this forum. It is directly related to weight loss, so I think it will be alright.

I was thinking... A lot of women who struggle with their weight are very controlling in the rest of their lives but "let themselves go" when it comes to their own eating. Why is this? Does anyone feel that they fall into this category?

I am definitely a bit OCD. I obsess about things and manipulate situations (not always in an evil way) to obtain certain outcomes. I like to always know what the plan is and always be prepared for anything. I like predictability. I don't like things being out of my control. (For example, its hard for me having a step-daughter because I can't affect her upbringing as I would like to.) I also am very self-disciplined- I always did my work and got enough rest in high school and college, I have always gone to the gym pretty diligently, I am very punctual, etc. I make good choices for myself...

Except when it comes to eating. No one's looking? I WILL eat 10 cookies. Out by myself? I will get ice cream or a cupcake or some 500 calorie blended drink from Starbucks. I can be actively thinking about how eating something is going to make me feel terrible and it just makes me eat more of it. Like cookie dough. When I was pregnant I ate a bunch of cookie dough and got really sick and threw up. I felt really guilty because it had raw eggs and I was PG, very dangerous... But would you believe a couple months later I did it again?!?! Sick. Thank god my baby was healthy.


Whats up with this? Is anyone else a rather controlling person who just doesn't seem to be able to "control" their own eating choices? What is the psychological basis for this? Is there any way to beat it?

[BurtsGirl]

I could have written this.

:

[MeloMama08]

that's nice to hear.

[CathToria]

For me, controlling binges had a lot to do with teling myself that I was worth it.... worth it enought to not consume a day's worth of calories in 30 minutes. Worth it enough to spend the time and money going to the gym. Choosing to walk away from the cookies/ice cream hd to be a conscious decision. A decision that I COULD and deliberatley chose to make. Also, knowing that the food was not going to make it all better, make me feel great, or make me happy. HTH

[ColwynsMommy]

I was just coming here to post a related question. I'm exactly how you describe.. I hate not being in control, yet I don't even care that I'm not in control of my eating. I don't know how to fix it, though.. for me, I don't think it's about self worth. When I eat, it's because I've had a bad day and feel I deserve a treat.

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by ColwynsMommy

I was just coming here to post a related question. I'm exactly how you describe.. I hate not being in control, yet I don't even care that I'm not in control of my eating. I don't know how to fix it, though.. for me, I don't think it's about self worth. When I eat, it's because I've had a bad day and feel I deserve a treat.

Bingo, same here. I'd love to hear from someone who overcame this or at least some ideas.

I've never been able to figure out how I can have everything together except this one thing. Control is such a tricky thing because you never really have control over anything/one. But that sense of control is important. For me, it's stability. I need that stability. But when it comes to food it's completely out of my control. The only other thing I can think of is that it's biological and just our instinct.

[JayGee]

I think part of it is learned, at least for me. I distinctly remember my Mom fixing herself "a little treat" when she'd had a difficult day ~ usually something involving bread, butter and sugar. She struggles with compulsive overeating as well, although she'd be the last to admit it. And is very much in control of the rest of her life. I am the same. I successfully controlled my overeating for the entire summer (and managed to lose 18 pounds in the process), but just last week I ATE, and ate, and ate, and ate. Not even good stuff. Just whatever I could cram in my mouth while no one was looking. I hate it. I wish I knew how to get this one thing under control, permenantly. Ugh.

[allgirls]

I read somewhere "When your cup is full, stop pouring" in reference to overeating.

This is not about food. This is about balance. When my life is in balance I don't do this...my cup is full. When things go out of balance, that's when I eat compulsively...it's like a little drug to make up for what's missing. It fills the hole...but only while you are eating...so you eat more, and more..it's not about the food, it's not about tasting the food, it's about filling that empty space.

My problem is figuring out what to fill my cup up with that isn't food.

[sunnysandiegan]

I can totally relate to the OP and others in this thread. I could have written many of the statements above, as well.

A few years ago, I had managed to get it all together and lose 40 pounds and be in the best health of my life (defined by me as feeling good on the inside and no major illnesses). I hadn't quite gotten to the best shape of my life (defined by me as outward appearance, as in toned and strong) when my dad moved nearby. WHAM! That was an emotional disaster for me. It took me about two years to realize what was causing my plateau and eventual slow increase in weight and do something about it. I started reading and attending various workshops, etc about life in general (not weight-specific). In the last year, I have been actively working with alternative care type folks and getting to the bottom of my issues. Just yesterday, I was in an individual breathflow session (transformational breathing with a real life guide) and I reached a new level of awareness within myself. It wasn't pretty and I was both appalled and fascinated. Under all these layers of control and "togetherness" and all other positive attributes described above, I found an ugliness that I had never noticed or recognized. I don't recall ever feeling "ugly" like this image conjured up. I'm not talking about a physical ugliness, btw. It was more of a darkness that I was completely unaware of. I am not far enough along in the process to have any pearls of wisdom for anyone else, but I feel this darkness inside of me is leaving and it seems to be the key element in my true healing.

One thing the breath guy (LOL, I don't know his "title") said that really struck me...
I was describing my experience to him as feeling like I was going to vomit and how I felt sickness leaving my body. He explained that those feelings are us (humans) repressing our emotions and "stuffing" them down instead of allowing them to be.

I am a pretty expressive person and I can easily describe my emotions in many circumstances and express my opinions and ideas, etc. When I told DH the above, he looked at me like I was an octopus and said, "You? Repress your emotions? That's scary!" (He meant that I was already more expressive than most people he knows. LOL) When I journaled about my experience (as recommended), I realized that it is just the "less desirable" emotions that I am not fully cognizant of and in tune with and, therefore, may indeed be "stuffing" or "repressing"...

I hope this helps someone out there.

[wannabemoms]

Yup.

Yup.

Yup.

Did I mention yup? I can relate to almost everyone here.

I'm a "rewarder", "binger", "stuffer", and usually do it when my partner's not around to see me doing it.

I know I have a lot of things to work on, emotionally, but I'm not really ready to start the process. I'm working on myself physically right now, which is helping me on some levels, and I'm enjoying it. But the food is a problem.

I tell myself, "no", I don't need it, I don't want it, it's a waste of money, it's a waste of the workout I just did etc. etc. and often I eat anyways. One thing that's been helpful for me recently is that I now religiously pack a HUGE lunch for myself for the day. Temptation is EVERYWHERE around here, but if I know I still have food with me, I can convince myself to wait and go eat some of it rather than buy a "treat". This doesn't always help at home or when I go grocery shopping though. I find every checkout to be a battle of wills...those stupid "impulse buy" candy shelves right by the cash are horrible...the dialogues I have to go through with myself in order to NOT buy a chocolate bar are ridiculous.

[texmati]

subbing just based on the title! I wish we had a tribe of emotional eaters...

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by wannabemoms

I tell myself, "no", I don't need it, I don't want it, it's a waste of money, it's a waste of the workout I just did etc. etc. and often I eat anyways.

I find every checkout to be a battle of wills...those stupid "impulse buy" candy shelves right by the cash are horrible...the dialogues I have to go through with myself in order to NOT buy a chocolate bar are ridiculous.

Wow could have written this also. Man, I hate that I'm not alone in this but kinda comforted to hear I'm not.

[Doodlebugsmom]

Originally Posted by aquarian

subbing just based on the title! I wish we had a tribe of emotional eaters...

There used to be one. I can't remember which forum it was in.

I used to be a binge/emotional eater. I went through some counseling with a behavioral therapist and read a couple of Geneen Roth's books. They're fantastic. I'd recommend that everyone who has posted here read When Food is Love. I haven't binged for a year and a half.

[BurtsGirl]

DBM, congrats, that is quite a victory. Can you share more of your story/journey?

[mchalehm]

Subbing--the OP is exactly me.

I don't know what to do about it beyond what I have done, which is to try all of these "self-love" techniques (works about 50%) and remove as many things that I shouldn't binge on as possible (works sometimes when I am at home and can eat something healthy and feel good about myself, but not as much as one would imagine). Even, like now, when I am really eating well and being healthy, long-term, I think about it all the time and I am always afraid of falling back to emotional eating 24/7.

It is like a drug.

[allgirls]

That thread was in this forum I think. I don't know where it is.

I have lost weight. I now fit in a size 8 again. I'm healthy. I'm running. I still have binges though. I still know that I have this issue. I've been working on this more than the weight loss.

I'm trying to balance my life. I'm trying to be aware of the challenges.

Journalling helps. Meditation helps. Blaming my mother helps

I am trying to work through this. I have huge body image issues. I thought they had gone away after my twenties but they hadn't. And this new, older body is so unfamiliar to me even though it works perfectly.

It comes in episodes...I got through weeks/months of just feeling like I just don't care on one hand and hate it on the other. Then I get a handle on it. I'm terrible in winter. I'm sure it's hormone/mood related too because my emotions are so tied up with my mood.

*sigh*

[JayGee]

Originally Posted by mchalehm

It is like a drug.

Exactly.

DBM, I'd be very interested in hearing your story as well. Binge eating is something I've been doing since I was about 14 or 15 years old. Sometimes I manage a few months without, but then in comes back to get me again. Sigh.

[Doodlebugsmom]

Well,since y'all asked...

I grew up around a family who put extreme emphasis on being thin. I heard my grandmother's say not-so-nice things about overweight people. I heard my mom say she was "fat" over and over even though she never was. Other than all of this, my family was pretty fantastic.

I never really had any problems until my early 20s, when I started seeing food as a reward/punishment thing. If I was feeling down on myself, I would withhold food because I felt like I didn't deserve it. If I was feeling good, I'd "treat" myself. It was only really extreme for maybe a year or two. After that phase, I gained a good bit of weight. I'm sure it was a combo of not making healthy choices and my metabolism slowing down as it often does in the mid-20s. (By a "good bit of weight", I mean I went from 117 lbs to about 160 over 3 years. I'm 5'7", so I was never extremely overweight at all. Maybe on like the government charts or something...)

I got pregnant with dd in 2001, and ate whatever I wanted. I gained a reasonable 35 lbs. Most of it came off easily, but the last 15 lbs. wouldn't. I did manage to lose those 15, plus another 10 before I got pg with ds. With ds, I gained 50 lbs. Once again, I lost all of it easily, except for about 20 lbs. I was extremely overwhelmed after ds was born. Having two was so much more difficult for me than I ever expected. That's when the binging started getting a little out of control. I would just go in the kitchen in the afternoon when I was feeling stressed. I would eat whatever I could get my hands on. It was horrible. I felt completely out of control. It was so bizarre to feel like I absolutely couldn't control what my body was doing. I always did it alone, and I don't even think dh knew about it. I did this for a little over two years. Somehow, I didn't really gain too much weight. I was going to the gym nearly every day, so I know that helped. I was still just miserable about it, though. I also did the Eat to Live plan for 6 weeks during this time. I felt great while I was doing it, and had no desire to binge. When the six weeks were up, though, I started back up. (I lost 25 lbs. on the E2L plan which I haven't gained back.)

One day, I ate nearly a whole box of high-quality Swiss chocolates. I was so upset and out of control. I looked up the number for the psych hospital that is associated with our local university. They got me in with a behavioral therapist within a couple of days. The first day I went to therapy, it was like something switched. I realized that I AM in control of this. I don't HAVE to let it control me. I continued therapy for a couple of months after that, but I never binged again. Never even had the desire.

I know that it isn't that easy for everyone. Even though I don't binge anymore, I still have body image issues, and that sucks. I've never felt healthier in my life, though. I feel mentally secure now. I became a vegetarian soon after ds was born (4 years ago), and also recently made the switch to vegan. One thing that I also feel has really helped is that I've discovered that I love cooking. I love making healthy, tasty meals from scratch using good ingredients. Filling my body with healthy foods has made me realize just how bad the unhealthy stuff made me feel. (In my worst times, though, I'd binge on whole-wheat toast.)

It was also incredibly hard for me to come out to my dh about my binging. He had no clue until I told him that I called a therapist and made an appointment. He was extremely supportive, but it was still pretty embarrassing. So, two years later and here I am. I feel like it truly is water under the bridge at this point, but I can sympathize and empathize with every single person who has posted on this thread.

Oh, and I definitely have "control-freak" tendencies and mild anxiety issues as well. I deal with those the best I can and try to not let fear and anxiety control me.

[sunnysandiegan]

Thanks for sharing your story, Doodlebugsmom!

[Surfacing]

There's some of this here with me too. It's hard.