Emotional causes of self-sabatoging eating (binging) / control issues - Page 6

[academama]

Originally Posted by JayGee

I've actually been doing really well with bingeing lately. I haven't binged in 24 days now . I joined an online group through Sparkpeople called Living Binge Free and it's really helped to know that I'm accountable to another group of people. They have 21 day binge free challenges that I'm involved in and a shortish chunk of time like 3 weeks is easier to manage somehow. Heck, I even made it through Halloween without eating my way through all the candy as I usually do. Would anyone else here be interested in a binge-free challenge like that? I doesn't have to be 21 days. A week, 10 days, whatever. It's just a goal to work towards and a group to keep you accountable.

I would be interested. Accountability helps.

[MeloMama08]

Hey all. I came across this on the web when I was trying to find some advice for beating sugar addiction... I think it gets to the heart of what I was asking originally with this post.


"To guarantee your success in winning the sugar game, you’ll need the following four magic playing pieces:
1. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS If you turn to sugar when your relationships are unstable, it is time to work on the relationships.
2. FULFILLING CAREER OR LIFE PATH If you turn to sugar because you are stressed or unfulfilled, it is time to make a change.
3. SPIRITUAL DIRECTION If you turn to sugar because you feel lost and alone, it is time to find your serenity.
4. PHYSICAL ACTIVITY If you turn to sugar because you feel lethargic, it is time to move your body."


This pretty much tells me everything I need to know. 1) My relationship with DP is really really challenging and I'm not sure if it can last, 2)I'm not working and feeling extremely bored and unstimulated 3)I definitly feel very lost and alone now that I have a baby and never see my friends and have no idea where the %&$* my life is going and 4)I feel really lethargic and tired and depressed about my postpartum body.

So there it is! Those are the emotional causes of my self-sabotaging eating. I wish I could find a quick fix to THOSE issues. :

[spughy]

MeloMama, I would like to concur with you on that but I think that sugar itself deserves some of the responsibility... it is not a benign substance, it definitely can be addictive. If you rewrite that, replacing "sugar" with "alcohol", it sounds a little different... if you can stop using sugar for about a week all of a sudden you don't get the desire to self-medicate with it. Part of it is habit, yes - and part of it IS that other parts of our lives are stressful and hurtful - but the REASON that sugar works for that is that it does very particular things to our brains, stimulating the pleasure centres - but, like any drug, the stimulation becomes less and less over time so we still expect the same pleasure hit from it but we don't get it, so we just eat more.

It is a vicious cycle, but IME it is easier to take sugar out of the equation than it is to fix EVERYTHING that is wrong. Without sugar (and starch, in my case) I have more energy, better mood, and a healthier body to tackle all the other stuff. I completely agree that it's not changing the underlying problems, but it does help you have more strength to deal with those problems!

[Doodlebugsmom]

Originally Posted by MeloMama08

Hey all. I came across this on the web when I was trying to find some advice for beating sugar addiction... I think it gets to the heart of what I was asking originally with this post.


"To guarantee your success in winning the sugar game, you’ll need the following four magic playing pieces:
1. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS If you turn to sugar when your relationships are unstable, it is time to work on the relationships.
2. FULFILLING CAREER OR LIFE PATH If you turn to sugar because you are stressed or unfulfilled, it is time to make a change.
3. SPIRITUAL DIRECTION If you turn to sugar because you feel lost and alone, it is time to find your serenity.
4. PHYSICAL ACTIVITY If you turn to sugar because you feel lethargic, it is time to move your body."


This pretty much tells me everything I need to know. 1) My relationship with DP is really really challenging and I'm not sure if it can last, 2)I'm not working and feeling extremely bored and unstimulated 3)I definitly feel very lost and alone now that I have a baby and never see my friends and have no idea where the %&$* my life is going and 4)I feel really lethargic and tired and depressed about my postpartum body.

So there it is! Those are the emotional causes of my self-sabotaging eating. I wish I could find a quick fix to THOSE issues. :

Yeah, there is no quick fix. It's lots of work. Also, lots of emotional eaters don't have problems with sugar. For me, I could've binged on hummus, refried beans, anything. I do believe sugar to be addictive, but not eating it won't solve emotional eating.

[NewDirections]

I have found that when I eat healthfully, if I slip up and binge, it is so difficult to get back on track. The day after a binge is horrible because I crave junk food and feel obsessed with it. I literally have to take it an hour at a time. After the first day, it gets easier. I'm beginning to realize that a binge doesn't just impact that moment, but can affect me for some time. The pleasure of eating the food is so not worth the personal stress and anguish that it causes for days afterwards.

[lil_earthmomma]

Hi, I think I've found my tribe.

I have an eating disorder. I binge and starve myself, and sometimes (before my ds's were born) I would purge.

Control has a lot to do with this. It gets harder to manage when my life feels out of control.

I've been really struggling to maintain a healthy food intake since I'm tandem nursing. It's the only thing stopping me from starving myself. I think about food and not eating etc. WAY too much. It consumes me, as well as my horrible self image.

Feels good to get that out there.

[NewDirections]

Control has a lot to do with this. It gets harder to manage when my life feels out of control.

That is so true for me too lil_earthmomma. I have been with my husband for a year now and in that time I've gained 15lbs. This relationship has brought up a lot of issues for me about fear and control. The past year I've binged many times which resulted in weight gain for me. I'm finally in a space where I'm no longer binging but some days it's really hard. So hard that some days I have to just take it hour by hour to avoid binging. Usually when I have a bad day like that and I resist the binge, the next day is easier because I got through the previous day successfully. It is a challenge. My goal now is to avoid sugar until Christmas, and then allow a small treat. For me, it seems like just plain avoidance of certain foods is easier for me than those foods in moderation.

lil_earthmomma, it takes a lot of courage for you to write what you did. Thank you for sharing. It helps me to know that I am not the only one who faces this challenge.

[IsaFrench]

THANKS for writing all of that to all of you ..... it does help to read where everyone is at .... this is such a complicated subject .... I've never been as heavy as I'm now, am anxious about a lot of issues in my life, "self-medicate" too with food .... and have been wondering for a long time whether I have ADD or not ... still not sure how to tackle my problem though ....

[Surfacing]

I have been emotionally eating when I feel unloved, frustrated by my relationships with my dh and dd1. When I have been working really hard and feel unappreciated or criticized, I eat comfort foods.

I am now on Weight Watchers needing to lose another 45 lbs.

I have to retrain the messages I tell myself when I feel lonely and unloved. I need to feed myself emotionally and spiritually, not through my mouth. It's hard sometimes. The reward is not the same. At least not initially.

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by TatianaTiger

lil_earthmomma, it takes a lot of courage for you to write what you did. Thank you for sharing. It helps me to know that I am not the only one who faces this challenge.

thanks. It feels good to be in a place where I'm not judged.

[Fi'sMom]

Everybody!!!.... Please read this book - "gaining" by aimee liu. I've been struggling with anorexia since age 11 (i'm now 30), and this is the only book i have ever read (and i've read tons on the subject!) that has truly helped me to understand myself and the eating disorder. It's a truly fascinating book on eating disorders - the only one that seriously "gets it" right. Please trust me and go buy this book!!!

[MamaFern]

im not sure if this is a dead thread..or if there is a new one, but i wanted to say that i read through the whole thing and totally cried at moments because i see myself so much in some of you. i even know some of you i have been really struggling with this since i became a mother. i love my kids, but the situation i am in is hard. i dodnt know my SO before i got pregnant. now we have 3 together and have been on and off for 7 years. im now not living with him and only now after 9 months feeling like im worth it enough to take care of myself and stop my food obsession. i started with cutting sugar and sweetners out of my diet. im almost a full month in and only a few small slip ups. no binges as all on sugar. it feels really good. like i CAn do this. im now cutting wheat because it is also a huge trigger for me. i know that there are a lot of emotional issues around my eating, but the food is also a problem. its all so interconnected. anyways, i wanted to say thank you, every one of you who opened up here and talked honestly about your lives and struggles. i think that if we all lived in such an open world we would likely have a lot less of these kind of problems.

[Shenjall]

MeloMama08, I hope you're still around!

I just found this thread this morning. I read all of it and left to think about it before I replied.

Add me into the "me too!!" camp. Its been a struggle for me for years. And I'm not neccessarily overweight, but I am unhappy with my weight.

So, the way I'm reading your OP, its not so much the "weight" issue that bugs you, its the loss of control when it comes to emotional eating? B/c lately, for me, thats the biggest thing. I'm thinking that its not so much a diet plan that I need, maybe its just a therapist. Why do I unhinge with food when it comes to emotions? And not sewing? Or running?

Anyhow, I guess I'm not saying much, just kinda thinking out loud and wondering how you're doing lately.

[sugarmoon]

I'm glad to see this thread active again. I'm working hard at identifying when I am binge eating or emotional eating, and at *least* realizing it, even if I don't stop.

I also quit all sugar (white, brown, maple, agave, honey, chemical, whatever!) over a week ago, since my binges are *always* sugar related. That was good, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I had replaced sugar binges with white bread (albeit homemade sourdough, but still!) or raisins. So I started South Beach on Monday. I definitely do want to lose weight, but the biggest thing for me right now is killing the addiction. It was pretty scary when I realized that you could take everything you know about alcoholics (binging, hiding, having stashes, obsessive thinking, lying, sneaking, irritability, on and on...), substitute sugar, and you'd have me.

:

So, so far SB is helping me slow down and think before I eat. I hope that I can break the addiction and eventually eat normally (like, eat all things i moderation, not have to completely eliminate certain foods), but I'm also trying to accept that I just might not be able to.

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by MamaFern

im not sure if this is a dead thread..or if there is a new one, but i wanted to say that i read through the whole thing and totally cried at moments because i see myself so much in some of you. i even know some of you i have been really struggling with this since i became a mother. i love my kids, but the situation i am in is hard. i dodnt know my SO before i got pregnant. now we have 3 together and have been on and off for 7 years. im now not living with him and only now after 9 months feeling like im worth it enough to take care of myself and stop my food obsession. i started with cutting sugar and sweetners out of my diet. im almost a full month in and only a few small slip ups. no binges as all on sugar. it feels really good. like i CAn do this. im now cutting wheat because it is also a huge trigger for me. i know that there are a lot of emotional issues around my eating, but the food is also a problem. its all so interconnected. anyways, i wanted to say thank you, every one of you who opened up here and talked honestly about your lives and struggles. i think that if we all lived in such an open world we would likely have a lot less of these kind of problems.

good for you!!! :

[babyhaj]

Many hugs to all!

I was so happy to see this thread (of course, sad that any of us have to feel this way, but grateful for the support). I haven't had time to look through all the pages, but just wanted to add another very useful book to the mix: The Hunger Within by Marilyn Migliore

Ironically, I used to work with Marilyn as a professional part of a weight management team, and help other people lose weight by dealing with their emotional pasts (along with better choices and exercise). Now I'm realizing how far I have to go with my own issues and am now coming back to her book for guidance. It's interesting how easy it is to sort of hide under the guise of control in so many areas of our life and feel so out of control all at the same time. And, as said by so many others, how little this has to do with food. I know for me, I have tended toward binges in other areas too...spending, cleaning, etc. I come from a family where I've seen a lot of addictive tendencies. It was hard to watch other members of the family use their substance of choice to feel better when I felt like I had it all figured out, but I'm finally understanding and sympathizing with where they all have been (and sadly, some still are).

The obvious (albeit elusive) truth seems to be that we can take guidance from others, but we have everything within us to change. For me, it's been taking the time for yoga and at least a little daily meditation or quiet the mind time, along with a therapist to help me gain some perspective. It's all at once the best thing I can do for myself and the hardest thing to do for myself. There's never time, I'm tired, etc. But I think of all DH and I are doing to move beyond our upbringing and the nurture part of this problem, to help DD grow up with the best shot of not having to be a 'recovering' anything, and I realize that I have to take this time to sort out the issues.

Ok, blah, blah, blah...

[Neldavi]

Hi there, I have all these same issues and I won't get into details because they are really so similar to all of you.

What I am feeling right now, though, is incredible anger towards a society that places so much emphasis on being thin. That combined with a f-ed up attitude towards food - how much weird processed "food" we invent, our puritan values surrounding denying food instead of just enjoying it - has deprived all of us of a joyful, simple experience of food. Obviously in the end I need to take responsibility for myself and what and how much I eat, but I think we need to acknowledge the context in which we all live and were socialized in.

I think someone else mentioned how it helped to blame her mother . Yes, I am angry that I grew up with a beautiful, healthy mother who hated her body and micromanaged every calorie that went into it and went through periods of noticing everything I ate. Of course I was going to start sneaking food. I saw (and still see) scarcity of food as a mindset that would stay with me always - this imposed on the reality of food EVERYWHERE.

I've had 15 years of various dietary changes superficially aimed at "being healthier" but really about losing weight even when I was already thin. Cutting out meat, sugar, dairy, wheat .. and it made me feel good and lose weight, sure, but it's all based around denial and viewing food as 'bad' .. something I don't want to keep up for a lifetime. So as soon as I'm not applying these 'no this-or-that kind of food' top-down rules, I make up for all the time I was denying myself by binging.

I've been scared to do it before for fear of gaining a ton of weight, but what I need to do is give myself permission to eat anything, anytime. Stock the house and car with all those 'bad' trigger foods so reassure myself that they will always be there - no feast and then famine, a never-ending supply. I know this may seem counterintuitive, but after 15 years of just trying not to have sugar or whatever around me, I know that is not a long-term solution. I want to live a life surrounded by good food, and not be afraid to eat it.

Is anyone else approaching it this way, rather than denial and avoidance?

[spughy]

Originally Posted by Neldavi

I've been scared to do it before for fear of gaining a ton of weight, but what I need to do is give myself permission to eat anything, anytime. Stock the house and car with all those 'bad' trigger foods so reassure myself that they will always be there - no feast and then famine, a never-ending supply. I know this may seem counterintuitive, but after 15 years of just trying not to have sugar or whatever around me, I know that is not a long-term solution. I want to live a life surrounded by good food, and not be afraid to eat it.

Is anyone else approaching it this way, rather than denial and avoidance?

I'm not, and the reason is that I believe (and there is evidence to support this) that sugar is more akin to a drug than a food. I can eat small amounts of unrefined sweeteners without effect, but if I eat refined sugar I immediately crave MORE of it. I'm not capable of eating it in moderate doses. If I can keep away from it for about a week then I don't even want it any more. The same is true (to a lesser degree) for refined flour and rice. It just does nasty things to my brain.

I still keep sugar and flour in the house, occasionally I bake for the family or friends - but my life is a lot easier and more comfortable if I just don't eat them.

[MamaFern]

Originally Posted by spughy

I'm not, and the reason is that I believe (and there is evidence to support this) that sugar is more akin to a drug than a food. I can eat small amounts of unrefined sweeteners without effect, but if I eat refined sugar I immediately crave MORE of it. I'm not capable of eating it in moderate doses. If I can keep away from it for about a week then I don't even want it any more. The same is true (to a lesser degree) for refined flour and rice. It just does nasty things to my brain.

I still keep sugar and flour in the house, occasionally I bake for the family or friends - but my life is a lot easier and more comfortable if I just don't eat them.

im the same way. i cant have some. it triggers too much for me. its been eye opening..but like other things in my life, like say walking on the highway or driving without my seat belt buckled, its just a hazard to my health..so i dont do it. and im glad that i have learned this. and i wish i had a long while ago.

[NewDirections]

Originally Posted by babyhaj

Many hugs to all!

The obvious (albeit elusive) truth seems to be that we can take guidance from others, but we have everything within us to change. For me, it's been taking the time for yoga and at least a little daily meditation or quiet the mind time, along with a therapist to help me gain some perspective. It's all at once the best thing I can do for myself and the hardest thing to do for myself. There's never time, I'm tired, etc. But I think of all DH and I are doing to move beyond our upbringing and the nurture part of this problem, to help DD grow up with the best shot of not having to be a 'recovering' anything, and I realize that I have to take this time to sort out the issues.

Ok, blah, blah, blah...

This is so true. I've had to work on things myself and find solutions that work for me. One challenge that I've faced is that in the past I've used food to make me feel better when I was stressed or upset. I've had to find something else to soothe me. Now mindless searching online takes the place of food. Hey, whatever works right?

Originally Posted by spughy

I'm not, and the reason is that I believe (and there is evidence to support this) that sugar is more akin to a drug than a food. I can eat small amounts of unrefined sweeteners without effect, but if I eat refined sugar I immediately crave MORE of it. I'm not capable of eating it in moderate doses. If I can keep away from it for about a week then I don't even want it any more. The same is true (to a lesser degree) for refined flour and rice. It just does nasty things to my brain.

I still keep sugar and flour in the house, occasionally I bake for the family or friends - but my life is a lot easier and more comfortable if I just don't eat them.

I couldn't do that. I understand that idea works for some people, but it wouldn't work for me right now because moderation is a challenge for me. It's easier to not allow myself any treats, then try to only have a little bit. For the month of March I'm cutting out gluten, dairy, and sugar and eating Paleo. This is helpful for me because those are not foods that I'm tempted to binge on. When I reach my goal weight, then I can experiment and see if I can add any of those back into my diet.