MIL blaming the common cold on our not vaxing.. seriously..

[UberMama]

So my twin boys started school three weeks ago. They've been sick already.. in fact, one of them has caught his second cold. I am sure it's a separate cold from the first one. It's odd because while they were premature (seven weeks), they've been around many many people and numerous illnesses and never caught them at this rate.

But so it goes.. they are in school, they get sick more often.. fine. Stinks, but what can you do? Homeschool. Which I am not cut out for, I'll just leave it at that. :/

Point being, my Smother in Law is blaming the boys getting sick on our not vaxing them. : She just emailed and said that and said how I'd better get them in for their shots before they keep on getting sick. FWIW, we selectively vax'd and then the boys both had terrible fevers after they were given the varicella vax inadvertently (you'd better believe that office got *UAV* from me!) at age 2 and nothing since then.

I opened up a reply window to her email, started typing and then realized I'd better close out of it before I say something I shouldn't.

I'm really tired of these comments about our parenting decisions. :

[loveyourohana]

So sorry

I blocked my MIL's emails completely when she was sending me emails that caused me frustration and grief... saved a lot of frustrating feelings on my part, and drew a line there as well, when her mail sent wasn't going through...

Of course we had already had the discussions and no matter what I tried the respect wasnt there... I got my feelings hurt, and then realized... why? Tooo much time is wasted feeling frustrated and bad... so I removed what was causing it for a while.

Let us know how it goes

[justice'smom]

I know it's frustrating for you. I have a great mil that doesn't comment about our not vaxing, at least not to us. However my step dad is all over me all the time about it. I just don't understand what people don't get about the fact that getting sick is good for you. It helps you immune system. I think the best thing I can say is to just tell her upfront you appreciate her concerns, but in no way are you planning to vax your kids and her comments don't help your relationship. As nicely as you can say it.

[Ophelia]

Not that she'll listen, but you can tell your MIL that my son is almost FULLY VAXED and he was CONSTANTLY sick all last winter (and he is still BF'ing!). We literally did not go more than 1-2 weeks between colds November - April. It was horrible and I caught every one of them. And now he just got the first cold of the season already and it's not even October yet.

[Carma]

My DD was also fully vaxed until 6 months and was sick the first week at daycare (and so was I first week back to work) when she was 5 months.
It just happens. Now both my kids are selectively and delayed vaxed and they are almost never sick (at 3 year and 13 months old) and they get a very mild version of what is going around at the daycare. The 13 month old still nurses a lot and gets breastmilk in a bottle.

Carma

[applejuice]

Where is that common cold vaccine when you need it?

[justice'smom]

Originally Posted by applejuice

Where is that common cold vaccine when you need it?

laughup:

[Full Heart]

I actually had a DR tell me that once. We were in for an ear infection and the drum burst so I wanted to make sure it was ok. It looked funny to me and dr confirmed her ear drum did look odd and didn't know what to make of it. So they were asking me about other illnesses shes had and dh said well she gets a lot of colds. So the dr says, "Yea thats why we liked to see them vaxed." I had no idea vaxes worked against the common cold!

FWIW when my kids were in school they got everything! Pink eye, scarlet fever, WC, colds, the first time in all my years as a parent they got the flu while in school -haven't had it since we quit going either. Schools are like giant pitre dishes.

[applejuice]

Since I am not vaccinated and I never attended preschool or kindergarten, I did get lots of germs and conversely illnesses when I started school. I passed these all on to my sister who was not as ill when she started school since she got everything from me the year before.

I got WC, the flu, measles, and many colds the first year. I had chicken pox in 2nd grade. Mumps in the 5th, measles in 4th. I lived.

[gabysmom617]

FWIW, my nephew is fully vaxed, goes to daycare, and KEEPS some kind of illness going. Very rarely have I seen him without his nose running for some reason or another. Right now he's just getting over some kind of stomach bug.

[brendaziz]

Sorry for your silly MIL- While I know mine totally doesn't agree w/ what we do (and my SIL even less I'm sure!) - my mil is very nice and tries not to be offensive. If there's ever a special or a show about vaccines linking to other things she'll make a point to tell me about it and be like "hey you never know". It's nice that she puts in the effort even though i'm sure she talks bad about what we do behind our back. Either that or she doesn't mention it anyone b/c she's so ashamed! :-)

[tammyswanson]

Ha ha! I love your word for her...Smother in Law! LOL! That is a classic! I'm glad you can use some humor for this situation. Does she know about the nasty additives and ingredients they put in those vaxes, like monkey cells, aborted fetal cells, stuff like that? My MIL asked if I was going to get DS vaxed (I'm sure she knew the answer since I'm sure DH tells her everything that happens with us), and I told her why would I want to let them inject heavy metals, monkey cells, aborted fetal cells into him. She (who works at a doctors office) had no idea that stuff was in the vaxes. She didn't give me a hard time with it at all. :

Tell your monster in law that when she finds a vaccine for the common cold, to let you have the formula so you can sell it to the drug companies. I'm sure they'd love to push that one too.

[Deborah]

What a hoot!

But here is a suggestion, if your husband will give you a hand.

My daughter was having a hard time with her MIL. So she talked it over with her husband and agreed that her MIL could give parenting advice to her son, but not to her daughter-in-law. And my daughter's parents could give parenting advice to their daughter, but not to their son-in-law. This has held up quite nicely for years. I have no problem leaving parenting questions out of my conversations with my SIL, and the MIL isn't totally happy about it, but she can talk stuff over with her son, so she isn't up against a stone wall.

[DQMama]

I know the mature thing would be to not respond, but I wouldn't be able to help myself.

I would say, "Thank you for your concern. Yes, they have had such nasty colds...I had no idea there was a vaccine for that! Could you please send me a link so I can look into it?"

[knucklehead]

Originally Posted by applejuice

Where is that common cold vaccine when you need it?

I'm sure it is in the works and headed for an infant vaccine schedule soon. :

[angelachristin]

this is why my MIL does not know and never will know that we stopped vaxing DS after his 4-month WBV. She is a 70-year-old former nurse, so she is totally old school and thinks all doctors are gods. She worships doctors. So, so, sooooo not going there with her.

[justice'smom]

Originally Posted by Deborah

What a hoot!

But here is a suggestion, if your husband will give you a hand.

My daughter was having a hard time with her MIL. So she talked it over with her husband and agreed that her MIL could give parenting advice to her son, but not to her daughter-in-law. And my daughter's parents could give parenting advice to their daughter, but not to their son-in-law. This has held up quite nicely for years. I have no problem leaving parenting questions out of my conversations with my SIL, and the MIL isn't totally happy about it, but she can talk stuff over with her son, so she isn't up against a stone wall.

That's a great idea!

[suprgrl]

I'm sorry you have to be subject to such ignorance, OP.

DS2 has craniosynostosis... even that has been blamed on us not vaxing.... as well as DS2's FTT diagnosis a few months post-op

It is like people have to find evidence to support their belief that you are damaging your child by not vaxing on schedule no matter how cooky their theories sound.

[UberMama]

Well, getting my DH (her son) involved isn't the answer. While he is thick headed (haha) and won't listen to many people including MIL and myself quite often. He is on the fence *STILL* regarding vaccines. We've done the research together, he knows why I have the viewpoint I do - but when MIL comes along touting that my kids NEED their vax's, suddenly DH is like, "Well, maybe she's right.." It's nauseating, lemme tell ya.

Thanks for the replies. I simply ignored her email all together.

The funny thing is, I was fully vax'd up until age 12. No vax's of any kind (including flu shot) after that. Yet I get a cold every single time my kids do. Yet her son, with the weakened immune system (DH's immune system just SUCKS!) who was also fully vax'd? He's avoided the last two colds.. strange but true..

[justice'smom]

Originally Posted by UberMama

Well, getting my DH (her son) involved isn't the answer. While he is thick headed (haha) and won't listen to many people including MIL and myself quite often. He is on the fence *STILL* regarding vaccines. We've done the research together, he knows why I have the viewpoint I do - but when MIL comes along touting that my kids NEED their vax's, suddenly DH is like, "Well, maybe she's right.." It's nauseating, lemme tell ya.

Thanks for the replies. I simply ignored her email all together.

The funny thing is, I was fully vax'd up until age 12. No vax's of any kind (including flu shot) after that. Yet I get a cold every single time my kids do. Yet her son, with the weakened immune system (DH's immune system just SUCKS!) who was also fully vax'd? He's avoided the last two colds.. strange but true..

My husband tends to doge the bullet sometimes too, but for us it is because he is at work all day and not really around the kids that much.