Looking for information for labor support person

[thebeljur]

My mom is going to be at my upcoming home birth. This will be our second HB, but it will be the first HB that my mom has attended. I'm looking for something I can give her to read before she comes out here that explains the effects of a positive or negative support person during the labor and birth process. I'm not interested in giving her an entire book to read, but instead maybe an article or publication (just something smaller than a book -- lol). She's supportive of our HB, but I want to really relay to her that I need to be in a "zone" when I'm laboring and that I don't want her to interact a lot with me (gosh, that sounds bad; I don't mean it like that).

I'm just a little nervous that even if she gives me words of encouragement or comments, that I'll be put off by it -- does that make sense? (And she won't make negative comments, it's not that; I think it's just a mother/daughter sensitivity thing I'm worried about.) I just want her to respect and appreciate that I might need her to just stand there and be quiet. I've told her this, but I think it will be very helpful if I can give her something from another source that explains the whole HB labor process and where my mind will be, etc. I don't even know if information like this exists for the "support people," but I thought I'd try and find out!

Thanks

BTW -- My husband is going to be there, too, and he's my "real" support person. My mom is there to help care for our other two children while I labor and birth (and, of course, to enjoy her grandchild being born....but she's not really my "support person").

[flapjack]

I suspect that your mum might already know this Mine instinctively gave me space during my first birth, and whilst she kept me company during prodromal hell with my daughter, it was in a very gentle, non-intrusive handsoff kind of way.

[Kim919]

Could you read through ina may's and pick out one or two birth stories that really illustrate your point?

[dogmom327]

There are some great birth stories here on MDC too (would be easy to e-mail them to her). I do agree though that Ina May's book has some great stories.

[Thefrawg]

You could surf the DONA site. I had a doula, and she asked me all sorts of questions about what kind of support I needed. Like, the kinds of things I like to hear when I need comfort, and more importantly, the kinds of things that annoy me when I am in pain. She then had a small list of sorts for my husband and family, which wasn't disrespectful at all. It listed ways to help.

Yours could contain something like "I tend to focus inward during contractions and need to not be disturbed by talking, touch, etc, whatever" so your mom has a neutral piece of info to help her help you.

I can't tell you how much it helped my anxous husband to be supportive without freaking out or "over-helping". We had such a positive experience during labor that I was so grateful my doula had done that.

I think she gets most of her material off of the DONA site, so you could start there.