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First Time Moms...?

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
How many first timers are there in here? I'm curious.

I'm a first timer. I spend a lot of my time trying to come up with a generalized game plan. Things I'd like to do with the kid everyday, things I'd like to do with the kid every few days, once a week, whatever. Things I'd like to have DH do, and be HIS bonding thing with the baby. Diapers, elimination communication, how to wear the baby, etc... a lot of it consumer-driven (gotta have a registry at some point). I realize any plan in somewhat useless, but it makes me feel better, and if I identify now what elements I want to be part of my kids childhood, then maybe they'll actually make it in there sometimes. It's a coping mechanism. Something to go back to as a starting point, but can be revised, etc.

I had lunch with a friend (a non-mom) yesterday and mentioned all the choices there are and the decisions I'll have to make in the coming months. I mentioned diapers, and she just assumed I meant which brand of disposable. My reaction was, 'well, I think we're going cloth - I'm staying home, and its a lot cheaper & healthier. we'll use disposable when we travel. but it's not just cloth vs. disposable. there are different diaper systems, different materials, diaper services... it's a little overwhelming' and she was just shocked. she had no idea there were so many choices. Bamboo! there are bamboo diapers (I have bamboo sheets, and LOVE them)!

Am I the only one worrying about this stuff?
post #2 of 43
I am a first time mom to be! I think you are WAY ahead of me though with all the planning! I'm still trying to get passed the fear of having someone be soley dependent upon DH and I! We are both very excited but I think I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety as well. I know that once this baby comes I am going to be nothing but happy about it. I love kids and have been babysitting since I was 14. I worked in numerous preschools with babies and toddlers, etc. I'm very good with babies (and am always told so) and I know I'll know what to do MOST of the time!

As far as planning DH is in the military and is getting out in December after the baby comes so we are going to be focusing on where we are going to live after all this!! I guess I'm trying to take it one day at a time as to not overwhelm myself.
post #3 of 43
Thread Starter 
congrats on your husband getting out of the military - it's a totally new life, but then again, it's much freer. My DH was in the military the first 4 years of our marriage. I found it to be very difficult. It is very freeing to not have to ask permission to make grown-up decisions. We travelled a lot the first year out because we didn't have to worry about getting leave - we could just GO. You can live whereever you want, you can get whatever jobs you want... you can say what you want. wear what you want, have whatever bumperstickers you want :-) It can be daunting, but if you look at the bright side of it, it's very freeing. The military felt very clausterphobic to me.

When he got out, I found it very hard not to keep thinking "we'll only be here for a little while, so I shouldn't get too comfortable". It goes away over time. or did for me.
post #4 of 43
I am SUPER EXCITED that he is getting out. It is very annoying that we cannot make our own grown up decisions. It's amazing that these people tell him when and where he has to go to the dentist, which shots he has to get, etc. Him getting out is pretty much the only reason I agreed to marry him (military life is not for me). He is away right now and is coming home today!!! That's the hardest part. He is in a deployable unit and they go away at least once every other month or so sometimes more. It is tough. It's especially scary to think about him having to leave when the baby is born. I'm sure it won't happen too much though because at that point he will be on his way out already and training the new guy. I also know that if he has to go away my Mom would absolutely come stay with me and that will help too. I know I'll be able to do it on my own but we also have two dogs and it would just get old quick if he had to be away for awhile. I'm so thankful that I'm so close to my mom and she is as excited for this baby as we are!

Do you work? Do you have to think about daycare if you do? I work right now but financially it wouldn't be worth me going back to work after the baby is born while we still live here. I'm sure that when we move we will end up closer to my parents at least for a little while and then I can focus more on my career as I know my mom will watch the baby for us. She has been waiting for this for quite some time (she used to give me the "I don't care if you are married or not I just want a grandbaby"!!!).
post #5 of 43
I'm a first timer too
Actually, I've been researching and being on communities about AP, breastfeeding, elimination communication etc for a couple of years, now but I's surely impatient to have my baby in my arms and be the best mom I can be... All this is something new for my poor love who feels really scared about some of my choices (he always knew about me willing to give a homebirth and was very supportive but, now that it is "real", he realizes I mean it and that really scares him) but he is willing to learn and read a lot of websites about all that...
I'll be a SAHM (and work at home mom too, as I give private lessons and do translations) so I guess I'll be the one having to cope with my decisions anyway

Even if I was in the AP "world" for about 5 years, I never really looked into the pregnancy thing so, that's REALLY new to me and.. I looove it
post #6 of 43
What does AP mean?
post #7 of 43
AP = attachment parenting.
post #8 of 43
Thanks!
post #9 of 43
First timer here too!

I've actually surprised myself AND DH about how laid back I've been thus far. I am by nature a planner and researcher (doesn't help that I'm a librarian and surrounded by books and journals all day) but something about this kid inside me has made me relax (for once) and enjoy it and take things as they come. These hormones, while causing me to puke my guts out also seem to be acting as some kind of natural valium.

My only thoughts right now are for a safe/happy pregnancy but, I think once it gets a little more real I'll start the nuts and bolts planning. Thus far I've really only been looking into the kind of vax schedule I want to commit to as well as hatching a plan to read read read to him/her every single day from they day they are born.
post #10 of 43
I do think about practical things (diapers, furniture, daily routines, etc) but I've actually been pretty chill about a lot of that stuff so far. Part of it is that I feel like I've got a lot of time to sort all of that out, so I'm just doing it little by little.

I probably spend more time thinking about the values that are important to me and DH, and how we can communicate them and make them a central part of our child's life. I know there will be a lot of days where I just have to make it through the day and won't necessarily be thinking on that level all the time, but it seems like that would make it even easier to lose track of that kind of thing. I do plan to stay at home with the baby (don't make enough $ and don't like my job enough to justify putting Junior in daycare), so I'm looking forward to really spending a ton of time with our little one and watching every day as he/she grows and learns new things. (Not that WOHMs don't get to do that, but they don't get to spend as much time doing it!) This whole process is so exciting. :
post #11 of 43
I'm a first timer, too. Right now I'm sort of in the survival mode of "how will we make it through the maternity leave?" I'm loosing one of my jobs in December and having a hard time finding anything else to replace it. In order to take three months off I really need to work until March and save money. Ugh.

But I have been thinking about values, long-term child-rearing, too. I just finished Ralph Nader's "The Seventeen Traditions," which I highly recommend. It's such a quick little book and packed full of ways to convey family values/traditions. I think I'll read it more than once.

Also about the technical end of things...where we're going to put everything that's currently in the baby's room, when we should start moving things, all the sewing I have to do! Yikes! A lot of work. We found a great dresser yesterday at Goodwill for $60. It's solid and it's low enough to use as a changing table, but also big enough that it will last the baby through high school, easily. Big is good, because we don't have a lot of hanging closet space, either (Both DH and I have a coat addiction and baby's closet is full. We tried to get rid of a bunch, but there are still too many ). Of course right now the dresser's painted white and has a lot of chips. I'm going to sand it down and spray paint it red (wearing a mask, of course).
post #12 of 43
You just reminded me Kate. I got some bittersweet news this weekend. My aunt has one beautiful little girl who is now 4. She has been trying to have one more so badly. She went through IVF 3 times and just turned 43 the other day. The last IVF try occurred a couple weeks ago and she found out it didn't take and now sadly she is done trying and is accepting that she will only have one child. They are not willing to adopt and this was their last chance. Anyway, she knows that I'm trying (I'm telling everyone this weekend) so she called me up pretty upset and said she was cleaning things out and wanted to know if I would like ALL of her baby stuff! I'm still a little shocked about it all. She doesn't want any of it anymore as its too hard to see it so she is going to give me everything. I'm imagining this to be the crib, changing table/dresser (although I might still want to get a corner changing table we'll see), pack-and-play, etc. She was like I'm not sure if you want your things new and I was like no. DH and I would HAPPILY take all of her stuff that has been in the family only and only used by one child (not that that would even really matter maybe just for the crib for safety but its fairly new still). She didn't find out what she was having so her theme was animals - very neutral. Either way I'm super excited about not having to worry about all of that stuff!!! Of course, I feel so terrible for her as well.
post #13 of 43
I'm sorry for your aunt and glad she has her one little girl. But what a relief to you to not have to buy so much stuff! We're totally lucky on that point, too. My Brother and SIL's youngest refused to sleep in their beautiful crib and only wants the pack and play, so they're passing the crib on to us. They've also got tons of cool stuff (esp. if this is a boy, which both DH and I are starting to expect...but maybe we'll get a girl) to hand us off later. We waited a lot longer to have kids than some of the other people around us, so we're going to luck out and not have much to buy except a car seat, which my parents said they'd get for us! They're also buying us a organic crib mattress!
post #14 of 43
Yay!! I'm even thinking my Aunt is going to give me her car seat. I mean the way she made it sound I think we are open to take anything we want - why not?!?!? This part is exciting!! I didn't think I'd get much in the way of hand me downs but if this baby is a girl I'm sure she will have even more hand me downs! I'm am strongly convinced its a boy though so we'll see
post #15 of 43
I've got more girl stuff right now than I know what to do with . By friend has passed along to me all her daughter's out-grown clothes...
post #16 of 43
So for you other first timers has pregnancy thus far been what you expected?

I'd have to say for me that would be a NO! I feel like I didn't read the find print somehow... Like where it says you will feel tired and have nausea and be hungry and not hungry all at the same time there was some asterix that I missed that says...

*You will feel more tired than you have in your entire life. You will think about napping every minute that you are not napping. Also you will feel so sick for so long that you won't care that you have to stop and vomit in someone's yard on the way home from the corner store and that there are neighborhood kids watching you do so in absolute horror. You will also stop caring that when you are in a crowded Target bathroom puking you sound like a dying walrus. CONGRATULATIONS!

However, that being said seeing that there is actually a tiny human growing inside you makes up for all the awfullness.
post #17 of 43
I'm a first time mom too.

I am actually finding the pregnancy a lot easier then I thought it would be. I was never tired. And naseua was only a few weeks.

I haven't thought a lot about what to get for the baby and what we will do. I have thought a lot about when people are going to come up and visit us.

Honestly, I don't plan much because I keep expecting to miscarry.
post #18 of 43
Please don't throw anything at me, but it's been wonderful. I mean, I had a little fatigue from like week 6 or 7 to week 10 and if I over do things I get palpitations. But that's it. And ever since I started week 12 I've felt invincible! Of course, the worry has been hard, when you don't have any symptoms you don't have proof, right? But other than that, I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
post #19 of 43
Me! I'm a first timer.

I remember dreaming pre-pregnancy about how incredible being pregnant would be and how I just couldn't wait to experience it (and childbirth and parenting!). I also feel (slightly) duped by the fine print of constant nausea, sleepiness, inability to focus. I'm also pretty sure once I feel or see or hear this little creature that I will have an easier time focusing on the baby than on the nausea. And hopefully, the nausea will diminish soon and make room for thoughts on other things.

I've been detesting work lately, and am looking forward to my mat leave (we get a year here). DH works from home and I get weepy thinking about how excited I am to be around him and for him to be around the kid every day. (The weepy part is definitely the hormones.) But he and I are scheming to see if I can somehow do a bit of work for him instead of coming back to my job once the year is up. I'm at least hoping that I can choose to come back to work rather than be required to for financial reasons. I've always wanted to be a SAHM.

Around the house we've done nothing. Even though I'm typically a planner, I somehow feel like we'll figure out and acquire the pre-birth essentials (like diapers, carseat, clothes, other stuff?), then go from there. This will hopefully get some active thought in the next little while
post #20 of 43
I'm lucky for the most part like Kate and haven't had much by way of nasea. I've had a little queasiness here and there. I've definitely experienced fatigue. I also already have anxiety issues and find it being heightened being the hardest part for me. I am hoping that as the hormones start to level off I will feel better in that department too.

And a year for maternity leave?!?!?!?!?!? . I mean I'm probably not going back and will probably have the leisure of trying to decide what I want to do when I'm ready or when its necessary. We are prob going to do the whole - do I say it - live with my parents thing at first when DH is out of the military. I never thought I could do it but for a few months it might not be so bad. Plus there house is a huge bi-level so it can be made to feel as though we have our own part of the house. We'll see. This is not a definite though!!!!
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