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Natural or epidural - Page 3

post #41 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by polishprinsezz View Post
to me the thought of being numb and not in control is scarier than the thought of pain itself.
To me, both scenarios are terrifying, which is why I can't bring myself to get pregnant again and have to choose between torturous pain, or being totally numb and not in control of my body. How lucky a lot of you Mama's here are to have had labors where the pain does not become overwhelming. Ds is over 3 and I want him to have a sibling some day...
post #42 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennica View Post
To me, both scenarios are terrifying, which is why I can't bring myself to get pregnant again and have to choose between torturous pain, or being totally numb and not in control of my body. How lucky a lot of you Mama's here are to have had labors where the pain does not become overwhelming. Ds is over 3 and I want him to have a sibling some day...
I'm having my third baby within the next 2 weeks or so. I've had two homebirths and I'm planning this one to be a homebirth also.

I belly ache to DH over the pain I will have soon.... I wish I could stay pregnant now that I'm reaching this point. I've never come close to an orgasmic birth and I think birth hurts like hell...and it has been overwhelming. But what the pain brings is much greater than the pain itself.
post #43 of 106
My first son was born in the hospital with an epidural. My second was born at home with no epidural. The homebirth was by far less painful.
After it was over I looked at the MW and said "That's it? I could do that again."
post #44 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennica View Post
How lucky a lot of you Mama's here are to have had labors where the pain does not become overwhelming. Ds is over 3 and I want him to have a sibling some day...
I never saw anyone post that. Just because I keep doing it, doesn't mean it's not overwhelming pain where I wish for death instead. I do. I just choose not to think about it, or dwell on it. I am 24.5 weeks pregnant now and whenever thoughts of "how will I survive the pain" come up...I just think about something else, because the time will come, I will do it, and it will be over.
post #45 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennica View Post
To me, both scenarios are terrifying, which is why I can't bring myself to get pregnant again and have to choose between torturous pain, or being totally numb and not in control of my body. How lucky a lot of you Mama's here are to have had labors where the pain does not become overwhelming. Ds is over 3 and I want him to have a sibling some day...
i never said the pain wasnt overwhelming. believe me i wanted to jump in front of a mac truck or a moving train. i am able to handle this intense pain for at least a little while which makes me understand why first time moms end up asking for pain relief. my 2,3,and 4th labors were much quicker. the overwhelming pain lasted only about 1 1/2 hours. it was very rewarding and euphoric to be able to deliver the way nature intended. i still feel not being in control of your own body is scarier than intense pain.
post #46 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutie Patootie View Post
I never saw anyone post that.

There are posts here that plainly state that moms that choose an epidural are basically also choosing to potentially destroy their bond with their child. I believe that may have been one of the posts that Jennica was refering to in her post.

Jennica - I can relate, I made the choice for an epidural in my labors for the same reason. I very often feel as if I am looked down upon here but honestly, my educated decision is just as valid as anyone's here.
post #47 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by polishprinsezz View Post
i never said the pain wasnt overwhelming. believe me i wanted to jump in front of a mac truck or a moving train. i am able to handle this intense pain for at least a little while which makes me understand why first time moms end up asking for pain relief. my 2,3,and 4th labors were much quicker. the overwhelming pain lasted only about 1 1/2 hours. it was very rewarding and euphoric to be able to deliver the way nature intended. i still feel not being in control of your own body is scarier than intense pain.
Respectfully, that is your opinion. Unless you can step inside another mom's body during her birthing experience there is no way for anyone to understand the level of pain that she is experiencing and her ability to deal with that pain. For me it was more important to be clear headed and able to concentrate than deal with the pain. I wanted to remember the birth of my DD's and not just suffer because of my own inability to deal with the extreme pain that I was experiencing.
post #48 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennica View Post
To me, both scenarios are terrifying, which is why I can't bring myself to get pregnant again and have to choose between torturous pain, or being totally numb and not in control of my body. How lucky a lot of you Mama's here are to have had labors where the pain does not become overwhelming. Ds is over 3 and I want him to have a sibling some day...
Hon have you considered hypnobabies? It is very, very good for mitigating *fear* and I'm sure part of why the "pain" part of my labours wasn't especially important to me.
post #49 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
mama

I think when most of us here say that we wouldn't or don't understand someone who would simply choose to have an epidural it's not including situations and circumstances like what you have faced.

I think it is more directed at the lack of education and/or fear that our culture has placed on birthing.

Your situation is really an uncommon one and not one that most people contemplate when thinking of birth.

Thank you so much for these words. I agree it's not a common experience, though I would like women to know it's possible, but rare, so they don't feel guilt or isolation if it happens to them.

My first birth was tough because I had approximately 7.5 hours of transition. I made it through but it was really difficult to suffer transition for that long. I did have mild PTSD after that birth because of the pain and its duration. However, the actual level of physical pain wasn't atrocious and had it not gone on for 8 hours (from beginning of transition to holding baby), I think I would have remembered part of it being really tough and really painful, but nothing I couldn't do again. As it was, I was exhausted and didn't feel great. No birth high or anything.

The pain level of the second birth was on another planet. There's no way to compare it to any other experience I've ever had. And it was not empowering; it was totally demoralizing and destructive. There was nothing beautiful about that experience. It was like my body was possessed and someone was wringing, squeezing me to death in their hands forcing the screams out of me. I could not have not screamed. I just can't describe it. As much as I love my son, I'm not sure it was worth it. In retrospect, sure, I'm thrilled to have him and adore him, but in possibly choosing to do that again? No, I really don't know . . .

If someone said, "You can have another baby, but we have to first torture you with new, extremely painful torture techniques for eight hours, the last two hours of which you will scream uncontrollably from the pain as if begging for death. When that's done, you can have your baby" - well, I don't know, is it really worth it? I don't know. I have to think about it. Yes, there's the lifetime with your child, but if the experience of the birth is so horrific that it damages you, then I don't know, how do you choose?

There's so much guilt in this situation. If I choose an epidural and something goes wrong, it will forever be my fault for not just toughing it out. If I choose not to have an epidural, I know there's a good chance of being tortured. I don't know; how is anyone supposed to make that choice?

There is a level of pain possible in birth that cannot be comprehended until it's been experienced. This is not an objective situation and I don't think it's something that can be understood until it's been experienced. There's a mama here somewhere who didn't have a birth like this until her 3rd. Then she understood. Most people are never, at any point in their lives, subjected to that level of pain. I really don't think it's possible to fully contemplate it until it's happened to you. Like women who say that the toothache that required a root canal was worse. I had one like that - terrible, awful, horrible toothache. In the 36 hours before I got it taken care of and the 24 afterwards, I could understand why if I didn't have a dentist I would have knocked that thing out of my head with a rock. But it was still on Planet Earth, and the pain of giving birth the second time was not; it was many magnitudes worse.

I don't think I'm afraid of giving birth again . . . it's more a feeling of dread. Of, do I really have to do this again . . . is it really necessary to make someone suffer so much to bring life into the world . . . can I really volunteer for that again? Can I really ask that of myself? Should anyone be expected to do that, ever? I don't know. Why is my body even capable of registering that level of pain?

Yeah, so I'm really not thinking about getting pregnant anytime soon. The decision is too hard to make.

Sorry to go into this so much - I just find it's difficult to explain because, as I said, until you've experienced it I think it's impossible or almost impossible to understand. But I also think it's wortwhile to share because I believe there are times where an epidural is a valid choice just for the reason of pain relief, and I would never judge, scold or pity a woman for choosing an epidural for that reason.
post #50 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
There are posts here that plainly state that moms that choose an epidural are basically also choosing to potentially destroy their bond with their child. I believe that may have been one of the posts that Jennica was refering to in her post.
My post was not in response to any of those statements, but in response to the the post I quoted that jennica previously posted...in regards to "how lucky some of us where because the pain was not overwhelming". Not sure how you gathered that from my post and the post I quoted.
post #51 of 106
Planning for natural, because there's no need for drugs for something as normal as birth, imo.
Not to mention there are too many side effects to drugs and I don't want to worry about that.
post #52 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutie Patootie View Post
My post was not in response to any of those statements, but in response to the the post I quoted that jennica previously posted...in regards to "how lucky some of us where because the pain was not overwhelming". Not sure how you gathered that from my post and the post I quoted.
I was talking about the posts Jennica was replying to.
post #53 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by polishprinsezz View Post
i still feel not being in control of your own body is scarier than intense pain.
And, I still think both are equally scary, thus I can't bring myself to go through that again.

The overwhelming pain I experienced lasted for 4 of my 6 hours of labor. The worst part was the one hour that they were trying to give me nubain. The pain was so overwhelming that it felt like it was not even coming from my body anymore, it was just in the room, all around me, and I couldn't contain it, which the was the most terrifying feeling I have ever felt. I still to this day don't even know where in my body I was feeling the pain, because it was outside of my body. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I felt like I was dying, like something was horribly wrong. It was the furthest thing from "natural" that I can think of. It is like the movie The Princess Bride, when the pain machine is turned up to the maximum setting.

If I can bring myself to get pregnant again, my plan is to have a home water birth and try to stay as calm as possible to keep the pain inside my body. If I can't keep the pain inside my body, then I will probably transfer for an epidural. It's not my first choice, but it is definitely an option, and will be better for me then experiencing that kind of pain again.
post #54 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romana9+2 View Post
Maybe because you've already had two very (exceptionally) painful completely natural births, and even the thought of having another medication-free birth makes you want to shoot yourself in the head, right now.

If someone had offered me a gun or a knife during the last 2 hours of my ds' birth, I probably wouldn't be alive now to comment on how unpleasant it was. (It was a 100% natural home waterbirth, and the worst physical experience of my life.) If you visit the birth trauma area, you'll see that I'm not alone in having a natural birth like this.

Sometimes, birth is absolutely horrible, no matter what you do right (herbs, chiro, positioning, hypnotherapy, meditation, relaxation, birth ball, great support from partner & HCP, etc.). Preferring death over going through that experience makes an epidural quite possibly worth the risk, particularly if the unavailability of the epidural option would result in the mother either choosing against her desires to have more children or seeking an abortion in the event of an unintended pregnancy when having the actual child is desired.

I'm not exaggerating. I think pain avoidance is a valid reason for choosing an epidural. Please do try to understand. It's not an easy decision for a natural-minded mama to face.
I hear this! I had a traumatic, hellishly painful unmedicated first labor and swore I'd never have another child because of it. I did want to die, my whole world was pain and I even forgot why it was happening or that there was a baby coming.

Sixteen years later (!) I got my hospital records and found out I'd had chorioamnionitis (sp?) and my midwife said she has seen that condition create a horribly painful labor. I went on to have a completely pain free (ok, three of the contractions hurt, lol) labor with my third child.

My point is that for us mamas who have had labor that is hell on earth, it doesn't necessarily have to repeat itself - if I'd known that there was a reason for the pain I wouldn't have spent all those years feeling weak and like my body was dysfunctional when it came to birth. I used Hypnobabies for my third child and the feeling of laboring comfortably was worth its weight in gold and helped me resolve those fears and phobias that had occured after the first awful labor.

That said, if a mama with a history like ours goes into labor and her coping mechanisms weren't working, I would think that the fear would potentially have a worse effect on the labor than an epidural. It's that bad. And I say that knowing that the epidural has side effects on mama that can last for years, (mine all have) and sometimes on baby too. There's no one answer, just lots and lots of options.
post #55 of 106
n/m
post #56 of 106
n/m
post #57 of 106
I think it's very unfair to assume that because some of us didn't get the epi that we didn't have incredibly painful and/or horrific labors/births.

I tend to not talk about the negative side of DD2's birth, but there definitely was one. DD1 had been born after only 7 hours of labor. It hurt, badly, but I still got through it. I figured DD2 would be about the same, or easier. Wrong! I had 21 hours of labor with a stubborn posterior baby. I labored in my thighs and had NO idea how to handle that. I was crying, screaming, shrieking, saying "Just fix it fix it fix it!". It was terrible. But still, even through that when my DH asked if I wanted to go to a hospital I said no because I would refuse anything they could offer anyway. Why? Because despite all the pain, I still KNEW my body could do it and that the pain WOULD eventually end.

Does that mean my labor/birth was less painful and horrific than others just because I didn't cave in and go get drugs? No. And I think it's very disrespectful to assume that it does.
post #58 of 106
I think there is a lot of potential for disrespect on both sides of the fence here.
We all need to respect each other's births as personal and individual and try not to be too touchy about other's opinions. IMO, it's an awesome event however it unfolds.
post #59 of 106
I'm a relatively new doula. I've seen three unmedicated births in that role (2 hospital, 1 at home), and two epidural births, one of which ended in a c/s. And I've had two posterior (very painful) labors and one posterior birth at home without medication.

I totally understand why some women would choose to have an epidural. Even though the idea of a needle stuck in my spine scares the bejezuz out of me, there are circumstances under which I would choose an epidural for myself - if I felt I had reached my limit of being able to cope for whatever reason, if I was having a c/s.

My real question about birth right now is "why do people go to the hospital?" Not to hijack the OP thread, so don't feel you need to answer it - and besides, it wouldn't be my real question if somebody else could answer it for me. But for both of the epidural births I saw, I am almost certain that had those moms stayed at home attended by a skilled midwife, they would have been through transition (which is when both requested their epis) and pushing before a transfer for pain relief could have taken place. I can't truly know for certain, of course, since I am not them and it didn't happen that way - but I have my strong suspicions. Being in the hospital with an epi available (in one case) or experiencing the interventions of simple hospital routine (in the other case) seemed to me to make those births much much longer, more traumatic, and overwhelming, than they would have been if the moms had gone through transition without medication, despite the availability of pain relief via epidural.
post #60 of 106
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BugMacGee View Post
I think there is a lot of potential for disrespect on both sides of the fence here.
We all need to respect each other's births as personal and individual and try not to be too touchy about other's opinions. IMO, it's an awesome event however it unfolds.
:

Mamabeakley don't feel like your hijaking, I'm curious about the same thing. I just talked to my sister in law who had planned to have a homebirth and has now decided on a hospital birth. I asked her this very question. Her answer was that she lives in a very small apartment and lives on the fourth floor so it would probably be uncomfortable to try to birth there. I have seen her apartment and she's not kidding. It is very small.
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