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How old is TOO old for a "car seat"? - Page 3

post #41 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
Go for the backless! Really, as I've said before we'd all be safer riding in 5 pt harnesses, but how many of y'all have them for yourselves? You can buy them aftermarket and have them installed in your vehicle, y'know.

My dd1 is 7.5 and about the size of OP's dd. We just switched her over to a backless. She went on a field trip in another parent's car and was thrilled to have the back off her booster. It's a Graco, so we can take the back off and put it back on when we want to. We may put the back back on for sleeping comfort on long trips. We do have a vehicle that has side curtain airbags and that helps me feel better, but it is probably not the most absolute safest vehicle ever made. (It's a VW Golf ftr.) If you get t-boned by a semi not sure a tank would help, y'know?

You take some chances in life. Just riding in a car is a big chance, so is crossing the street or going swimming or taking a bath. Take some reasonable precautions and move on.


IMO, the OP's daughter is not that small, either. There are plenty of kids in that range in my daughter's class and amongst her friends. I think dd1 weighs about 45lbs and is probably about 47 inches tall. She doesn't seem especially petite compared to her classmates although she probably is more slender than quite a few of them. I was 42lbs in the second grade and I am a completely medium grown-up (5'5", 130lbs).

In our state (NC) the law is 80lbs or 8yrs old. Most all of the kids in her class are in no back boosters. There are a few who are really big and probably don't use boosters at all and at least one pretty petite girl, but she uses the built in booster in her van.

So that's my 2¢.
That's my point- beanma said it better than I
post #42 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
really? You've never heard of a kid committing suicide because of bullying?

I am blown away by how some of you claim you would handle this situation with a teenager. Thankfully it won't be an issue for most of your kids
of course kids commit suicide over bullying, and over relationships, and over mental health issues, and because of abuse, and many other reasons. i lost two very dear people to me in my life to suicide, so its not something i take lightly at all.
HOWEVER, i do think that if you are a concious parent, and are involved in your childs life, and talk to them and make a point of being close with them and not distancing them because they are angsty, etc then they will know that they have a place to go to be safe, to talk about how they feel, and will find their solace in you, or their friends, or a councelor, but ultimately it would be you. i am Bipolar, and had a VERY hard teenage period in my life it was UGLY, but my mom NEVER gave up on me, and knowing i could always go to my mom, that my mom stood by my side no matter what is what saved me.
i really dont think that putting a child in a less than safe situation is wise to do FOR MY FAMILY because of possible emotional reprocussions, to me that sounds like "well we are going to circumsize our son, because we dont want him bullied in gym class" to me, its bullsh!t. safety ALWAYS comes first for my family. and we deal with emotions and feelings as they come, we talk things through, and we work things out.
post #43 of 65
My 8yo DD is 46lbs- not sure about height, but she still fits well harnessed in the Graco Nautilus, so that's what she rides in 99% of the time (for grandma's car and daddy's van, we have a Sunshine Kids Monterey HBB with side impact protection that she uses once a month, maybe)

None of her friends (and yes, she's a 3rd grader) ride in ANY type of booster at all. And we've recently had 2 girls ride with us and ask DD why she's still in a car seat. We've taught her that a harness is safer, period. She knows that her body is smaller than the average 8 yo's. And she knows that our family safety rules have absolutely nothing to do with what other people choose to do. As for bullying, I'd address it from other avenues- safety is non-negotiable in our home. Maybe it's because I'd never be able to live with myself as a mother if she were permanantly injured (many children who are injured in collisions don't die- they become paralyzed or mentally disabled for life- or both. Spinal cord injuries are forever.) or killed because I let her 8yo friends make our safety choices for us.

If you are considering letting your dd's 8yo friends talk you into decreasing her level of protection (and every step "up" in car seats (from rear facing to FF, harness to hbb, hbb to backless booster, backless to seat belt), where are you going to draw the line? Will you let them influence what kind of music she is allowed to listen to? What about when she's allowed to date? Experiment with drugs/alcohol when she's underage? Drop out of school? Those things are extreme, but really, caving to the peer pressure of 8yo children might not be the best way to set up a strong foundation for decision making for the years to come, KWIM?

ETA- My 5.5yo DD (who is 30lbs, not sure about height) is still harnessed, too, and will be for a very very long time, given her growth patterns since birth. Both of my girls have been known to ask friends who tease them about being in a "baby car seat" why their parents don't love them enough to get them a harnessed seat to keep them safe. Teaching kids to be confident about your family's choices is good for them as whole people, even beyond the car safety arena.
post #44 of 65
Thread Starter 
KayleeZoo,

I'm not teaching my child to cave to peer pressure NOR am I allowing her classmates to dictate what happens in my house or with her safety!! I am merely CONSIDERING options on what I can do to help her feel less isolated from her peers. If there wasn't a big impact in safety in switching from a HHB to a BB then what would it harm to switch to help boost her self confidence? My #1 concern is, and always has been, my child's safety as I assume is the case with all the mothers on this board.

After doing more research into the issue and weighing and balancing all the nuances involved, my dh and I have come to a decision that we feel is best for our dd.
post #45 of 65
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone for taking the time to share your opinion... I appreciate all the information and different points of view.
post #46 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue View Post
Gosh, doesn't the law in most states require kids stay in a booster til about 4'9" regardless of age anyway?
No. Most of the state laws are age based, ranging anywhere from 6 years old to 8 years old, with exemptions for children who are too big for boosters. While some state laws do mention height or weight it is usually "or" with the age--not "and." So the kids hit either point..and the booster is no longer required by law. Add to that most parents aren't keeping their kids in boosters to the requirement of the law...

Drives me bonkers...especially when I see the PTO president who also volunteers for the fire department (directing traffic at crashes!) driving around with her two elementary sons completely unbuckled in the back seat. ESPECIALLY annoys me when she starts getting hyper about people who don't stop for the school bus lights...I mean I agree with her that they should be stopping...we have a big problem with it in our development because the bus stops at intersections, and drivers seem to think that they don't have to stop if they are on the cross street...but doesn't she see the hypocricy with her not buckling her kids in?

Jenn
post #47 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyMamaBear View Post
...for ME its no question at all. if i had small children i would ...
If I had children I would...

*always serve nutritous meals
*never let the girls play with Barbie--body image issues you know
*always limit TV time to a an hour a day or less
*keep them rear facing to the limit of their carseat
*be a perfect mother

Yeah. Right. Then reality hits. I have 4 kids, stair stepped in age. DD#2 is petite. She weighed 22 lbs when I turned her forward facing at 2 years old. I know people who keep their kids rear-facing longer. I know all the arguements about extended rear-facing...I'm a carseat tech after all!

So why did I turn her? Because it was a major PIA to have two kids rear facing at the same time in a minivan that only had a door on one side!

Why do my girls have an overrun of Barbies, the TV is on way too much, and my kids are munching on no-bake chocolate oatmeal cookies right now?

Because I'm not a perfect mother. Sigh. But I've got 4 little blessings, with a 5th on the way, so SOMEONE must think I'm doing a reasonable job.

Try to be careful about what you "would do" when you aren't in the situation. It comes across as very judgemental. Comes across better to say "I'm hoping to be able to..." or even "I'm planning to...we'll see what happens when we get there!"

And yes, your comment about an alive/unpopular kid, in context...did seem to imply that you felt the OP was putting popularity above life. May not have been what you intended...but that is how it came across.

Jenn
post #48 of 65
hate to sound callous, but i have never been one to care about how other people percieve my words. i say them as i say them, and if there is a problem with communication and understanding the meaning behind my words then it can be talked out.
i also dont care if i sound judgemental, because we ALL judge, some more openly than other, but everyone does it. its not a bad thing.
post #49 of 65
OP

I'm sorry some people are being so judgemental. As an adult who still wouldn't pass the "5 step" test and who dealt with a lot of bullying as a child, I have to say I think some people really don't have a clue.

Seriously people, are you going to keep your petite 16 year old in a car seat? 'Cause that's pretty much what you're saying. And I think you would find you had a huge fight on your hands trying to have a teenager still in a car seat, no matter how you feel about how much safer they are. Perfect safety is never, ever possible and the belief it can & should be is one of the many things wrong today.

How about you put some of that energy into bugging the car manufacturers into making seatbelts that are suitable for short people, no matter their age? Or getting harnesses as standard on all cars?
post #50 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyMamaBear View Post
hate to sound callous, but i have never been one to care about how other people percieve my words. i say them as i say them, and if there is a problem with communication and understanding the meaning behind my words then it can be talked out.
i also dont care if i sound judgemental, because we ALL judge, some more openly than other, but everyone does it. its not a bad thing.
Right. We all judge. And then there's those who use non-constructive criticism.

OP - I was your daughter (only I'm sure my parents had me out of carseats long before school). The smaller than average kid who was susceptible to depression, teased, unpopular, few friends, etc. I'm sure if I had been in a carseat, I would have been teased about that too. Granted had my mom relented and let me not ride in a carseat, they would have found something else to tease me about. BUT, showing me that you cared enough to value my mental health, not just my physical well being would have meant the world to me.

It REALLY irritates me when people say - oh, just tell her to have self-confidence, she'll get over it! If only it were that easy. Would you EVER tell an adult that? No. So why do we tell our children that is beyond me.
post #51 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaskyla View Post
Seriously people, are you going to keep your petite 16 year old in a car seat? 'Cause that's pretty much what you're saying. And I think you would find you had a huge fight on your hands trying to have a teenager still in a car seat, no matter how you feel about how much safer they are. Perfect safety is never, ever possible and the belief it can & should be is one of the many things wrong today.
FWIW, I was 80 lbs. and 5'2" at 16 y/o and would have sat in a BB in a second. My step-mom is 4'9" and has been sitting on a pillow for as long as I can remember. I'm sure she'd sit in one if they had one to support her weight.

Of course, I don't care what others think, so it's not the same as a child. But, like I said before, DD is in 4th grade and still rides in a HBB and has never gotten any flack for it. If she did, I'd just tell her I love her more than those other parents love their kids (totally kidding).
post #52 of 65
My son is 5, almost 6 and is the only kid I see at his school (k-3rd grade) in a HBB. Seriously! Recently the booster law here was changed to say kids need to be in one until 6 .. but no one even does that!

My kiddo is big, he's 54pds and 48". Some of his 6 year old classmates are TINY, and I can't believe they ride without a booster!

OP, in your situation, I would go with a backless booster. Sorry you are getting flack about it, or being judged. But know there are many of us that would do the very same thing.
post #53 of 65
Quote:
Teaching kids to be confident is easier said than done.
Yes, I concur. One of my children has very severe eye problems that are visible (lazy eye, crossed eyes and farsightedness that requires a very thick lens for her left eye especially). It's always difficult to instill self-confidence in a child who is seen as "less" for whatever reason by their peers. But it IS possible. I still don't feel that backing down when the life of my child could be at risk is the answer. Have you watched crash test videos of high backed boosters vs. backless?

http://www.oeamtc.at/netautor/html_s...ordliftpro.mpg
http://www.oeamtc.at/netautor/html_s.../htsbesafe.mpg
http://www.oeamtc.at/netautor/html_s...g_P3_vorne.mpg
post #54 of 65
Let's stick with the topic. We all want the best for our children, or we wouldn't be here.

Different families have different ideals for their family. And different kids handle things different ways. So, let's now assume that something you think to be absurd, would be absurd in another's family.

And let's get off the topic of other people's parenting, and back onto booster advice for the OP.
post #55 of 65
my ds is 10 and in 5th grade. he was in a HBB last year but this year is in a low back booster.

im surprised that other kids are allowed to tease your dd about this. thats just so sad.

my son realizes that he is so much safer in a booster than in nothing at this point (he is very fidgety and in the SUV his feet do not rest comfortably on the floor so the booster is good for him....also the seat belt comes too far up on his shoulders for my comfort and the booster corrects for that).

i realize many ppl wouldnt have a 10 yo in a booster seat but i feel having my kids restrained in the safest manner possible is important. i have no skin in anyone else's game though....its a family decision. Ive made mine.
post #56 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
What if he doesn't reach that until he's 18? Would you still have him in a booster going to high school? I have a good friend (age 41) who is only 4'8" - should she still be in a booster?

Well, yes. She should. It's about fitting the car and the car fitting you.

I'm 5'3", my mom was 5'1", and my grandma was 4'11". NONE of us fit in cars properly. In the years before my mom died, we both obtained mid-90s Jettas b/c they had seats that went UP and seatbelts that went DOWN. It was the best fit we'd ever had in seats! But they still were too big for us, especially my mom. Right before she was diagnosed with leukemia (ended up dying of a medical/drug error while in remission) she was about to get aftermarket foot pedals so she could get her torso and face AWAY from the air bags, so she wouldn't risk big injury if she were in an accident.

I was always worried about a girl in college who had a form of dwarfism. She literally sat on phone books to drive (she did have hand controls) and it just seemed so unsafe.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
Well, it's not just about "humiliating" them. I'm also a shorter woman, and I would use a booster in a heartbeat. (if they made one that would be safe at my weight) Ask that friend of yours who is 4'8" and I bet she'd say the same thing. It's really uncomfortable to ride in a car with the seatbelt digging into your neck. It's actually MORE COMFORTABLE to ride if the seatbelt is adjusted for your height. So if your teen is even halfways reasonable, (and I'll admit not all are) it shouldn't be hard to convince them. My bff's mother is tiny... and has to sit on a cushion to see over the dash when she drives. Wouldn't it be nicer if she had a booster that would also help adjust the seatbelt? (And would be safer in a crash?)

OP, I would suggest your daughter explain it from a comfort point of view. "The seatbelt really digs into my neck if I don't use the booster. It's like my own personal recliner in the car, cuz it's soooo comfy!"

Yep!

Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue View Post
Gosh, doesn't the law in most states require kids stay in a booster til about 4'9" regardless of age anyway?
You're in FL? Check out your own state's laws on it. From what I know from reading to answers to questions about travel in Orlando on my Disney fan boards, a 3 year old could be in seatbelt only, in FL.


Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
Go for the backless! Really, as I've said before we'd all be safer riding in 5 pt harnesses, but how many of y'all have them for yourselves? You can buy them aftermarket and have them installed in your vehicle, y'know.
OMG that's awesome. I'm so checking that out. Maybe I can get one and finally feel comfy in a car! It's so tiring to wonder if your seatbelt will actually cut your head off in an accident b/c it goes across your neck.




OP, in 3rd grade I was routinely unbuckling myself in the backseat. My brother and I felt it was a game. Didn't understand the safety of it at all, just knew it was more comfortable than with the seatbelt. We were masters of the silent unbuckle. I'm glad seats are so advanced now, and that unless DS has outgrown his 5 point harness by that time (we have a Nautilus) he will still be in it. Harder to unbuckle silently!
post #57 of 65
It was not so very long ago that it was "uncool" to wear seatbelts. Yet I don't know many moms today who would be okay with their teens unbelted to stay cool...

Safety trumps peer pressure for us. I would have to research the difference in safety between hbb and backless... but my understanding is that it's fairly significant.

-Angela
post #58 of 65
I am going to end up in the same boat as OP as my daughter who is nearly 5 is only 34lbs. Im betting she wont his 60 until she is around 11.
If it were me I would get the lower backed booster if it hits the seatbelt right (because my DD is also VERY short and wont get to be more than 5'1ish maybe).
I can definatly understand your worries though! Im hate even thinking about going out of a 5-point! Haha!
post #59 of 65
Dumb question here, and I'm trying to think what I would've wanted to happen as an 8-year old (and as a teenager since that keeps being mentioned), could you park around the corner? Then the other kids not only wouldn't see the HBB, they'd see her walk away from school like she got to go off by herself--major "grown up" points.

Oops, just saw that you've already made a decision. Please feel free to comment on my question anyway since I'll have an 8yo some day!
post #60 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2mygirl View Post
My dd is the only one of her friends still in five point harnass. We just moved her to the Frontier three days ago. She was starting to really hate her Marathon and I only moved her because it's expired. I just told her that in our family there are different rules. She's happier with her new seat because it's more big girl but even if she wasn't, I'd leave her in it.
There is a lot about our family that is different. We don't do "kid" foods. We make a lot of our own food and have very, very little processed food. We homeschool. My dh is very involved in our family and very crunchy. I view my strict carseat rules as just another way we're different.
I'd keep her in the booster for as long as possible. I wouldn't argue about it. It would just be a rule.
I agree with this - just about all of my sons friends are in boosters or even nothing (he has a 6 year old friend who doesnt use anything.. yeah I dont get it) but he still rides in a 5 pt harness he asked me why and I was honest with him- Hes safer in a carseat and I love him and want him to be as safe as possible. for now hes good with this- but if one day he becomes upset that hes in a "baby" seat as i have heard others say - Too bad our family is not like everyone elses and our rules are not like everyone elses
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