Yes they ARE your kids!! - Page 2

[MoonWillow]

Originally Posted by avengingophelia

I'm really glad the stepfather I grew up with didn't have this outlook, or I would have been really, really hurt.

I can identify and this situation saddens me. My step mother didn't want to pay the child support that my dad was supposed to pay, since we lived in a "nice house on the lake". But the man that paid for the "nice house on the lake" (my step father) didn't want to pay for me either since I wasn't his kid. He had a right to be mad at my dad for not paying, but I know all too well how it feels to be rejected by a step-parent; two of them in fact.
I can't imagine if my step dad would have refused me something as simple as a soda though. Wow.

[BedHead]

Thank you so much everyone for your input. At the very least, I am feeling validation for my own feelings here.

We've been in counseling and it was a joke. He got nothing out of it and it caused more arguments than it solved. I think I need to get back into it just myself to deal with my issues and the resentment that's building.

I've tried talking to him but he shuts down and ignores me. TOTALLY invalidates me - it's quite something the way he accomplishes that.

I am seriously considering moving out. If we sold our house we'd make a pretty penny and I'd be able to afford one on my own. I've been a single mom before - when I had three kids under 5 - so that part doesn't scare me. My life sans dh is pretty good right now.

[MoonWillow]

Oh goodness! That's a lot to deal with.
I was going to mention that it can be pretty difficult to find a therapist that fits with you well. That maybe you should keep looking. But it kind of sounds like you have one foot out the door.
GL whatever you decide

Originally Posted by BedHead

Thank you so much everyone for your input. At the very least, I am feeling validation for my own feelings here.

We've been in counseling and it was a joke. He got nothing out of it and it caused more arguments than it solved. I think I need to get back into it just myself to deal with my issues and the resentment that's building.

I've tried talking to him but he shuts down and ignores me. TOTALLY invalidates me - it's quite something the way he accomplishes that.

I am seriously considering moving out. If we sold our house we'd make a pretty penny and I'd be able to afford one on my own. I've been a single mom before - when I had three kids under 5 - so that part doesn't scare me. My life sans dh is pretty good right now.

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by carabee

Does he pay for food? Living expenses? Do any of your children have jobs? I would probably refuse to buy anything for a 19 year old still living at home who wasn't paying rent. If you don't like the way he's treating you ad your children then move out. You said you make more money than he does.

Wow. Just wow. It was a teenager who just had a really painful surgery and wanted a 69 cent bottle of gingerale. ANY adult, and ESPECIALLY the stepfather, who outright denies a child (or any human) a simple pain relief method is disturbing to me (if there wasn't a good reason for doing so, like there was absolutely no money left anywhere, etc.). It's treating the individual in a subhuman manner. And I certainly wouldn't stay with ANYONE who treated my children like that.

Great...he doesn't see your children as his--and the fact that he would show such disrespect for your children would be a huge sign that you need to look out for yourself and your children. Anyone who treats my children like that would be on the top of my $#!%list, and if that person was my husband...well, I can't say I could ever stay in love with someone who treated my own flesh and blood like that...

I'm so sorry mama...how awful it must be to see your own children treated in such a poor manner.

[phathui5]

Are the two of you in marriage counseling yet? If not, I would find someone to start seeing.

[LittleBlessings]

[QUOTE=naydog;12256398]No, no, no. He doesn't have "money" issues. He has CONTROL issues.

I have to agree with this statment.

Does he know how you feel about this topic?

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

Wow. Just wow. It was a teenager who just had a really painful surgery and wanted a 69 cent bottle of gingerale. ANY adult, and ESPECIALLY the stepfather, who outright denies a child (or any human) a simple pain relief method is disturbing to me (if there wasn't a good reason for doing so, like there was absolutely no money left anywhere, etc.). It's treating the individual in a subhuman manner. And I certainly wouldn't stay with ANYONE who treated my children like that.

Great...he doesn't see your children as his--and the fact that he would show such disrespect for your children would be a huge sign that you need to look out for yourself and your children. Anyone who treats my children like that would be on the top of my $#!%list, and if that person was my husband...well, I can't say I could ever stay in love with someone who treated my own flesh and blood like that...

I'm so sorry mama...how awful it must be to see your own children treated in such a poor manner.

ITA. He sounds really awful.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

DH's step-father as a teen treated him the exact same way. He made DH pay for food he ate that was his step-father's. Needless to say, his mother's marriage to this man did not last. In fact, they divorced less than six months into it because he was so controlling and emotionally abusive. Which, BTW, this behavior is emotional abuse. If counseling with him was a joke, I would not be in the marriage any longer.

[A&A]

How is he with the kids, besides money?

Does he hug them? Help them with homework?

If you gave him a few bucks, would he then happily go buy the gingerale, or would he still complain?

I'm guessing your problems are deeper than just money.

[amynbebes]

They're NOT his kids. They're your kids, and their biological father's kids.

Wow, I too am glad that my dh doesn't feel this way. He's been w/us since dd was 5 and ds was 4 and there's no your kids/my kids or being ugly about money spent on them. In every aspect except legally they are his children.
I'm sorry to the op that you're in this situation. I can tell that you feel awful about it and imagine that your children do as well. Honestly, this would be a major point of contention and if something wasn't resolved I'm not sure that I personally could stay in a relationship like that.