Older kids at birth - pros and cons?

[Haselnuss]

Hi - I'm planning my 4th homebirth in a few months, and I'm torn over whether I should let my older kids (ages 8, 6 and 4) stay home for the birth, or spend the night at their grandma's house, the way I did before.
If you had your older kids around for a homebirth, how did it go? Any advice?

[medaroge]

How do the kids feel about it? Are they girls or boys? Could you let them stay, but let them know that they are always welcome to be picked up by grandma if they want to?

[Haselnuss]

Originally Posted by medaroge

How do the kids feel about it? Are they girls or boys? Could you let them stay, but let them know that they are always welcome to be picked up by grandma if they want to?

The older two are interested in being there, and the youngest hasn't said anything about it. They're all girls.
I suppose my mom could pick them up at any time.

[Full Heart]

At my last birth it was in the middle of the night and my oldest was there. She had just turned 9. I need quiet and no touching during labor so there wasn't much for my dd to do. Then when the birth came I didn't want anyone around. I literally yelled at my mother and dd to get out. It was just a response to labor it wasn't intentional. Honestly if they just stood there I guess it would be ok. But I like to be alone and I like quiet. All my other kids slept through it which was par for the course. They always sleep through it.

[kalirush]

I think especially for your older daughters, that being around for the birth (especially since they want to be) could be really great for them. Ultimately, you need to do what's comfortable for you during the birth, but I can tell you that having seen my mother give birth was such a gift for me. Women today are so frightened of birth, but I'd seen it and knew what it was like, so I didn't have nearly the same level of fear as most first-timers.

[MrsJewelsRae]

My ds was not quite 2 when I homebirthed dd. He slept through most of it, but when I had a monster contraction and my water broke at 9cm he toddled in to see what was up, dd came out 3 pushes later so he saw most of it, but was pretty disinterested until he heard dd cry, then he bounded on to the bed to say hello. We had planned to have someone watch him but my labor went so fast my family didn't make it, the midwives barely made it on time as it was.

With this one ds is 6 and dd is 4. I'd like them to be in the house but I think I will call a friend to come and keep them occupied if the birth is in the day, I don't think I can relax and not scream at people if my kids are squabbling in the other room. : If it's in the night then we will wake them just before the birth, not sure if I want my ds to witness the birth, but I a hoping that dd will want to. She is really excited about it now and plans on being there, but I won't push her to stay if she needs to leave the room. We've watched a lot of natural birth videos to help prepare her for what to expect. Not sure how it will all go, but ideally dd will be there for the birth and ds can come in right after, I told him he might be able to cut the cord if he wants to, he's still thinking about it.

[momto4kids]

We had our older kids present for both births.....Now, they weren't around me the entire time, most of the time they were playing or sleeping. But when it came time for the actual birth we had them there (except we let the 2yo sleep through the last birth since it was 1130 @ night). My oldest DS cut the cord for his newest brother (the most beautiful picture too!)......my kids all wanted to be there & I think it was good for my DD as well as both DS', in fact my boys have talked about how their kids will be born at home too (hopefully their wives will agree!).

We had my mom & sister there to keep the kids occupied & play with them if they needed attention.....they helped out with feeding them, ect. Then when the babes were born they helped the kids out with holding the babies, ect. It worked out good because when the MW's needed to check me over gramma was there to take the kids outside. In fact some friends new the baby was born because the kids were playing outside & yelled to the car, LOL. Yea, great way to spread the news :.

If your girls are up to it & you have someone who will come over to keep an eye on them then all should be well. Just prep them ahead of time w/ videos & books.....

Dana

[dayiscoming2006]

I plan on having my 2 year old son there. If he is sleeping that would be fine and actually very good but if he is awake then so be it.

It's just going to be dh, ds and me unless there are any unforeseen complications.

My son isn't much of a talker yet so he wouldn't have a clue what I was telling him about if I tried to explain anything about it to him before hand.

[rockportmidwife]

My boys are going to be at my birth. They are 10 and 13. I am going to give them the freedom to see as much as they are comfortable with, with the understanding that mom may not want them in the room for parts of it. The 10yo is excited. The 13 yo is having trouble deciding how much he wants to see. He is getting to the point, where he doesn't want to think of his mom as a GIRL.

[Overthemoon]

I plan on having all the kids home.

Originally Posted by Haselnuss

Hi - I'm planning my 4th homebirth in a few months, and I'm torn over whether I should let my older kids (ages 8, 6 and 4) stay home for the birth, or spend the night at their grandma's house, the way I did before.
If you had your older kids around for a homebirth, how did it go? Any advice?

This is my first homebirth but with my last baby I had both of my girls, then 3 and 5 in the hospital room while I delivered. My 3 year old watched it all with awe and giggled when her brother made his way into the world with a cry. I had them well prepped as they went to each check up, blood draw and ultrasound and we watched a lot of birth shows and read books.
So I plan to have my kids home with me while I labor. I figure I plan to come and go from room to room as my comfort dictates and they can do the same. I will have my brother and hopefully my parents there during my labor to help with them if needed, say if ds needs a diaper change while I'm in the middle of giving birth LOL and I won't let go of dh's hand for him to do it.
The girls are really excited that this baby will be born in our own home.

[mommajam]

I had my 15mo with us when I had my second baby. It ended up ok. But I have learned that even little stressors can delay or stop my labor. And the fact is that when the kids are around some part of me is still being "mommy." (Are they ok? Are they fed? How are they playing? What does that sound mean, do they need something?) All the things your mind processes and monitors easily and almost unconciously during the day, but when I am in labor these equate to stressors. So, for me, I have found it better to send them to grandma's.
M.

[runner29]

This is going to be me too, I think! my dd will be 2.5, but my first labor was really long (days) and I can't even sometimes go '#2' on the toliet if she is outside the door yelling 'Mama! mama!' over and over. Even if there is grandma there to keep her occupied and quiet, I think it would still cause me to 'freeze up' and make the whole process even longer! I feel bad because I think it would be a good experience for her (and probably even more so if/when we have another in another 2-3 years after this one) BUT I've decided that I need to be selfish! Along those lines I sort of wish my grandma could be there to see it. She had 8 kids, but back in her day the moms were knocked out - she didn't have a choice. So she's never seen a human baby being born. (she's seen a bout a million baby cows being born, but it's not exactly the same!) But, besides the fact that she's 4 hours away (and 79 years old) I just don't want to risk pushing my labor into a full week-long affair! Do what feels most comfortable for you!

[jrabbit]

My dd was 4 when her sister was born, and she watched with pride - of course, in & out. Our mw has an excellent sibling birth class. We had a friend over, whose job was to just keep Annie entertained. Annie loves that she was there, and when we discussed whether or not we should have another baby, she said she thought it was important for her sister to "see" a baby be born (obviously, we can't use that logic infinitely, and this will be the last pregnancy). Annie was 7 when she said that.

Now, they will be 9 & almost 5 for the upcoming baby. We haven't figured out who will be the extra caregiver, but there is still time. The extra person is critical, in my opinion, so that all needs can be met without taking away from mom & dad. The friend who was here the first time might be willing this time, too - oh, and she was MY friend, and Annie really didn't know her well. Annie is very very attached to us, so there was always the chance that we made the wrong decision to have a virtual "stranger" present, but we simply didn't give her an opportunity to choose to be unhappy about the situation.

We're a very open family, and I don't have any issues about being nekked around the kids (but it freaks me out to be nekked among strangers/nurses/doctors). And my friend wasn't all that close, either, but she got the glory of intimate birth, too! I don't know if that matters to you, but it seems to matter to a lot of moms. I think that most women lose all inhibition in childbirth

--janis

[emmaegbert]

I am glad to see that other people are planning to include their sons. I've seen this a few times where people talk about it being good to have daughters present but not sons. That frankly wouldn't have occurred to me-- it seems more like it would depend on the child and their interest, age, personality, etc. I get that its good for girls to know that birth is a normal, natural thing that women's bodies do. But why is that not important for boys (some of them future fathers) to understand?

My almost-4yo son is fascinated with everything to do with bodies-- male and female bodies-- and just generally with how things work. I'm planning to include him in our homebirth-- and if we can't have a homebirth, then I plan to include him as much as possible in our birth center/hospital birth. I also plan to have a friend or babysitter present who can also take him out if he does not want to witness it, or if its nighttime he can sleep, etc. I wouldn't force him to be there, just give him the option. We do live in a small apartment so he's not going to be able to be very far away!

Anyway, we'll see what happens but at my son's birth (in a birth center), like another poster said, I had no inhibitions about being naked, etc. I really didn't care at all about it and was hardly aware of who was in there other than my husband and the midwife.