Adoption ? for foster parents

[mama kate]

Has anyone here started out as strictly a foster family then ended up adopting one that "just felt right"? how do you know for sure? how do you know it just isnt your maternal instinct wanting to be in over drive? how do you not feel guilty that someone out there who has been aching for a baby could have had him if you hadn't taken him. I NEVER thought we'd be in this position so early in our foster parenting path

[Polliwog]

I started out as strictly foster. I didn't even think of it as an option. Chris was my second placement (three months after I started fostering.) I just knew with him. It just felt right.

Polliwog is my third placement. Although I adored her from the start, it's felt different than with my son. It still does, in a way. It's hard to describe. Since I don't have other children, I don't know if what I feel is normal differences between children or something else. I will adopt her if TPR happens (looks likely but you never know.) If I do, I will love her forever because I love her now.

People say to picture your future life. Can you picture your future with this child. I can with mine. It's wonderful. But I can also picture a future without her. Which is probably a good thing in the world of foster care.

The one thing I don't worry about is if another foster family should have taken her. Every child that is placed in my home needed me and was placed with me. It's not the child's job to fill a prospective parent's dreams. For the vast majority of placements, the goal is reunification. If TPR happens and you decide adoption is right, then do it but it's ok if you decide not to. There will be a family just aching for a child. Even one who is no longer an infant.

A lot of foster-only families end up adopting. It's kind of like falling in love with your best friend. You didn't expect it to happen but it did.

[mama kate]

Thank you Beth. :heart

More info - Itty Bitty is technically just our 4th placement - 1&2 were twins & they have since moved on. #3 is Miss Sassy & hopefully she will be going home in a few months once her young mom can get her life in order.

Itty Bitty was placed with us less than a month ago, straight from the NICU.
He potentially has some health issues , he had a stroke early in utero that may have affected his exterior frontal lobe. Mom tested positive for amphetamines. He was born at 34 weeks. He is developing beautifully. Very typically, eating well, smiling, following us with his eyes, & just today cooing. :heart

I am just so in love..........

We knew there was a possibility that he would be terminated quickly. He has a brother that has been in the system for over a year due to moms drug use. I got an email from his caseworker today stating next court is Oct 14th , final court is Nov 3rd. They will be terminating on both boys, brother is already in a foster to adopt home but they dont want itty bitty.

It just feels like he should be here forever. 1,2,& 3 didn't feel that way & we had 1 &2 for over 5 months.


I just worry I am taking away from someone else in the world that may be waiting for a sweet baby to love but I also know we could give him a great life and love him as deeply as our own.

[mamarhu]

I thought I was strictly foster... Yeah, sure, that's what they all say!

I was expecting a boy, 9-13, with developmental disabilities, probably autism, for a long term placement. Right. I got LittleGirl, 7, genius IQ, major neglect, physical, and sexual abuse in a 3-6 month therapeutic behavior program (she's been here a year). I am 51 years old (today!), and had no intention of adding anyone younger than my youngest bio, 12. ElderSon is 26, and I am a grandma for Pete's sake (the Figlet is 18 months, and #2, TheBoy, is due today!).So now, the situation is that I am not only adopting LittleGirl. Oh, no, couldn't stop there! I am also requesting her 4 siblings, boys 10 and 6, and 4 YO identical twin girls! I am almost certain I will adopt all 3 girls - some questions about whether the boys should be placed with the girls due to their sexual reactivity.

I am head over heals in love with these kids.::::: I am totally changing my life plans, and glad to be doing it. My field is International Public Health, and I thought I would volunteer with Doctors Without Borders, full time and permanent, after kids were grown. So now I am adding 4 YOs to the family?!? This is nuts!?!

Morals of the story:

1.Fostering is an adventure. If we knew exactly where it would lead, it would be boring.

2. Perhaps we have less control over our lives than we thought.

3. The best laid plans of mice and men...

[mama kate]

Thanks so much Mamarhu. exactly what I needed to hear! dh is worried that my desire to adopt is fueled by the fact that I am due in less than 8 weeks with biobaby #2. I dont think it is though. He just fits right. The sleepless nights with him aren't tiring and my arms and back from the almost constant holding/wearing aren't feeling the effect. Its just like when dd1 was bitty. I totally didn't feel that way with the other babies. I was WIPED out.


I tip my hat to you. Taking on such a large sibling group you are a brave woman!!!

[Polliwog]

I think with some kids you just know. With others it takes a little longer but it's just as powerful. Others, it isn't a good fit and that's ok, too.

Your little guy has such big needs. I'm so glad that he found you.

[mariaz]

My husband and I started out as strictly foster and ended up adopting our first placement. I didn't have any "The one" feelings for him but his birth dad was so infrequent in his visitation (over the 2 year period that he was a foster child) that it was easy to forget that we weren't his only family.

He came to us straight from the hospital at 7 weeks old and while I was ready to see him go home to his birth dad if he was able to get his life together I was also always ready to make him ours forveer if that was th eway things went (and it was!)