Is there a tribe for people who tend to alienate others? - Page 2

[MusicianDad]

Miss Information, can Xeloxe join? Please!?

I tend to be very anti-social because I find people who consider me knowing things to be a bad thing to be, well, a bad thing. I don't think less of someone because they aren't the studious type, but when they judge ME for doing lots of research about just about anything I have a hard time being nice to or even wanting to talk to them.

[milkybean]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I think it probably fits. Others definatly tend to stay away from people who need their own space regularly. It's not a bad thing, but it's something your friends really have to understand really want to stick around. Apparently because humans are social creatures, we're supposed to want to be social all the time.

omg YES!


I have a hard time thinking that I alienate people, but I've lost two friends (very definite *end of friendships* with letters/emails sent to me detailing that they didn't want to know me anymore) from "real life". The second friend took a whole group of people with her. Although the first end-of-friendship had to do with other issues, the second friendship end was very much based on my needing to take time *away* for *me*. On MY end I just needed some time to regroup, not get into dramas, let the group all talk about epidurals and baby-related surgeries (when they KNEW my story and KNEW that I had serious issues with those subjects, and in fact those people were a part of what got me through the dark times from those subjects) without my seeing them (so I would stay in my own journal and not go "visiting" where conversations would be free-flowing, and I avoided parties and meet-ups). To them they just thought I was ditching them, judging them, ignoring them, and mostly, to the friend who took everyone away from me, not "being there" for her when she "needed" me.

She thought I should medicate myself instead of taking time away from stressors, and getting out of the house for some fresh air and sunlight and walks, and focusing on my family. That's what she had done, so she thought I should do the same (and yes, she said this).


So I figured that there are those I alienate.

But I also have a strong core of forever-friends. They met me, got to know me, and liked me, and they have stuck. I can go years without speaking to some friends, but if we see each other or someone sends an internet joke or there's a reunion, we're there for each other. These people know the real me and like the real me, so even if sometimes what I say comes out wrong (like the one time I told ALL my reasons for wanting to homeschool, went a bit too far, and too-late remembered that my friend's husband is a teacher, whoopsie!) they know I mean no harm and continue on (after I apologize).

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by xaloxe

Me! Me! Me! Can I join?
I saw this thread and said to myself "Oh yea...". Interestingly enough I recognize some of the posters here and I only visit a few forums.

Apparently I alienate people without even trying. I have learned that my personality type is in direct opposition to some others. I am direct, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I do not handle overt exclusionary behavior well and I have a strong reaction to statements of judgment stated as fact. I love to discuss, research, debate. I do not have social phobias of any kind and have been know to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Many times I am accused of being argumentative because I ask "why, how, or what information do you have to back that up?" kind of statements. I am a critical thinker and a skeptic. I have been told that I am intimidating and mom-friends (YK, the relationship based solely around the kids) tell me they don't like to discuss things with me because I have too much information on different subjects. It's pretty much a given that if someone is passive-aggressive we won't get along, if they also happen to be a judgmental or insecure mother then it seems I will most likely become their nemesis. (We're back on the playground here....)

Can I join? DH and I have a few close friends who all happen to be similar in personality to us, some with even less social grace. I long for the day I meet another mom who doesn't assume my knowledge on any subject isn't a judgment against their choices.

Oh, yeah definitely!!!!!

You sound a lot like me, actually. I don't know about you though, but I do feel very hurt when a friendship goes sour because of some really fundamental differences (like parenting style differences in this last instance).

I research quite a bit and try to share some of what I know. But, at the same time, I've come to realize that there are some people who don't want to try on a new way of doing things.

They'd rather, in fact, stick to the "old ways" (the outdated, the unsupported or outright provent to be bad for you) and will blindly trust their doctor, their mother/father, their siblings, their other friends (because it worked for them, of course) or anyone else without actually discovering that really, the old ways really aren't always the best ways.

Now, in some cases the old ways are better (like eating unprocessed foods, like using natural remedies first, letting the body build up natural defenses before rushing for the antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle). But, generally when new information proves to be better, then I'm going with the new information.

Oh, and that being said, I am sensitive to personal choices such as breastfeeding/formula feeding (I could only partially bf my first two do to low milk supply and having to return to work because dh was laid off). I do what I can to inform, but if someone decides they don't want to bf, I back off of it. But I do know that I was really intense for a while when my SIL wanted to try bf, and she was having difficulties. I sent her a whole slew of information, but in the end, she felt I was overwhelming her with tips, and it really came down to the fact that it was really too hard for her not to be able to schedule her infant. She snapped at me and said she'd figure it out on her own, and then she ended up formula feeding after 2 months.

But it's precisely the reason that I ended up being too intense for her and for my sister that I decided I'm not ever going to want to be an IBCLC. I was only trying to help, and I got snapped at for it by both of them over different things.

It's the same thing with regards to parenting. Many people just want to spank or use time out. I have found first hand that it doesn't work with my highly sensitive dd2 (and I tried both), then researched the heck out of why it doesn't work for some children like her. So I don't do them. I try to set up the kids for success in the first place so that I don't have to. It's a work in progress though, because at 5, my sensitive dd still needs to be worked closely with.

It is so surprising how little people really want to be enlightened.

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by milkybean

omg YES!


I have a hard time thinking that I alienate people, but I've lost two friends (very definite *end of friendships* with letters/emails sent to me detailing that they didn't want to know me anymore) from "real life". The second friend took a whole group of people with her. Although the first end-of-friendship had to do with other issues, the second friendship end was very much based on my needing to take time *away* for *me*. On MY end I just needed some time to regroup, not get into dramas, let the group all talk about epidurals and baby-related surgeries (when they KNEW my story and KNEW that I had serious issues with those subjects, and in fact those people were a part of what got me through the dark times from those subjects) without my seeing them (so I would stay in my own journal and not go "visiting" where conversations would be free-flowing, and I avoided parties and meet-ups). To them they just thought I was ditching them, judging them, ignoring them, and mostly, to the friend who took everyone away from me, not "being there" for her when she "needed" me.

She thought I should medicate myself instead of taking time away from stressors, and getting out of the house for some fresh air and sunlight and walks, and focusing on my family. That's what she had done, so she thought I should do the same (and yes, she said this).


So I figured that there are those I alienate.

But I also have a strong core of forever-friends. They met me, got to know me, and liked me, and they have stuck. I can go years without speaking to some friends, but if we see each other or someone sends an internet joke or there's a reunion, we're there for each other. These people know the real me and like the real me, so even if sometimes what I say comes out wrong (like the one time I told ALL my reasons for wanting to homeschool, went a bit too far, and too-late remembered that my friend's husband is a teacher, whoopsie!) they know I mean no harm and continue on (after I apologize).

That was really unfair to lose a whole group of friends because of that one friend. I can say group dynamics can be very tricky to navigate, particularly if the members are sticking to the decisions of one person, rather than coming out independently to find out what is really going on.

I do understand how you can still have a core group of people that you manage not to alienate. I have very 3 long standing friends. The secret to our success? They are married males, and not prone to hurt feelings. They have their families, but we do get to chat at least twice a month on the phone. But at the same time, we just don't discuss things like breastfeeding, child discipline, etc. There's no comparison going on between what my kids are doing and what their kids are doing (mostly because only one of them has children my kids age).

I do much better with friends who are older than me as well. I'm 38, but I have a friend who is 43, whose son is my dd1s age. But the great thing about it is that she already has 1 grown up daughter, and so she is much more relaxed about the parenting thing, and isn't into comparisons with other kids.

One thing that losing friends does for me is make me evaluate what's really important to me. If, after I do some introspection, I find that I still stand by my position, then I'm really okay with the loss. I'm not going to back down on my values. Especially when it comes to my kids. Those are things that are not negotiable, even if it costs me a friendship.

[MusicianDad]

I really don't get why somepeople can't be friends with someone who has some big difference of opinions. I can understand something being non-negotiable. But of the friends I have that have stuck with me, there are some big differences we have that we respect in each other because there are some big sames in there too.

My core group of friends are either really weird by society standars, very gifted, or both. But their the best bunch of friends for me and even if we don't always keep in touch, I still know they will be there for me and they won't ditch me just because I can't shut up about stuff I know or try and find out about stuff I don't know.

I often get accused of trying to cause trouble when all I'm really trying to do is learn. I ask why and the other person thinks I'm judging/questioning their opinion. That gets really frustrating.

[Miss Information]

You know, I've been thinking ever since I started this thread.

Right now, I'm in a season of my life of young children. All of whom are smart, but one of whom who seems even more so, and yet really needs a lot of guidance. It's my middle child who is 5, but who has been tested to have some cognitive abilities as high as an 8.5 year old. Yet, she's behind even my 3.5 year old with regards to social fluency and adaptability with change. She has social anxiety thrown into the mix.

I went to see a social worker to speak with her today about dd2. It was suggested that I try some strategies with her. One of which start doing visual based "social stories". Basically, I have to come up with common scenarios of where we have difficulties with. The social worker helped by printing out some pictures of emotions and objects and things to get me started. This is so that I might have a chance to teach what hasn't come naturally to her. So that maybe she won't react with tantrums and meltdowns when things don't go her way. She was doing much better over the summer, but school starting up again has disrupted the forward growth and we are regressing in a lot of ways.

Relating to people when you have half an idea how to do it is hard work. Trying to teach someone (in this case my emotional 5 year old child) who doesn't know at all how to do it it is EXCEPTIONALLY hard work, especially when you can't focus all your energies on it (because you have other kids, work responsibilities, etc), or if you find yourself frequently failing in your own relationships.

Some days, it's all I can do to get through the day. I sometimes just want to write off other people because I've got too much going on. Sometimes I wish I was strong enough to only need computer interaction to keep me happy. But then, what happens to me, is that I really isolate myself too much and then I'm really depressed. But reaching out doesn't always do much either because no one really knows what it is like. It is like constantly having your nails plucked out slowly one by one when you are dealing with crisis after crisis after crisis (and everything is potentially a crisis to a very emotional child).

Having no one to talk IRL to about how hard this is really, really stinks. The most common advice is to stick the child in school, spank them, stick them in their rooms, get out and do something for yourself (get a job is usually the most common one there). None of which really solves the problem of how to teach an emotional/anxious child how to relate well to other people and deal with disappointment.

This becomes especially hard when you yourself have issues relating to people for whatever reason. In my case, I'd rather walk away from a friendship than do what it takes to make it work. I'd rather be "right" than be forgiving on some things. I still make the excuse that I "had" to "right then" say my peace, almost regardless of the outcome. That's not a very gracious way of living. No matter how tactful I try to be, I tend to come off as judgmental. But I also find that people really don't want to be enlightened. They really don't.

Just about every single day for 2 months I've dealt with issues with dd2. When things are bad, I almost don't mind alienating others with children my kids don't get along with well, because then I don't have to deal with the inevitable complications that ensue (usually toy sharing/friend sharing issues). It's incredibly draining for me to deal with the screaming meltdowns that ensue because something didn't go right with the friends. It's like, if the kids can't all get along, I'd rather not have to deal with the fallout.

The neighbor situation seems to have partially resolved. At least we spoke and hopefully things will be better. But of course, we both will be less open with each other. At least now, we have cleared the air, so we can move forward, and I know that the friend in common hasn't had to choose between the two of us.

I'm not sure what to do for myself. I really wish I had some gifted/"strange by society's standards" type of friends still like I used to. I had some really deep conversations about life in general and some problems in specific that I knew I could always talk over. Those are the kinds of people where if you have a problem, you can wax philosophical over it til 1 am and after all is said and done, realize that even if things aren't fixed, you sure had someone who cared to listen. Those are the kinds of people with whom you can be yourself with, warts and all, and they still accept you as friend. Who actually encourage "To thine own self be true". And still like you for it.

[mystic~mama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I think it probably fits. Others definatly tend to stay away from people who need their own space regularly. It's not a bad thing, but it's something your friends really have to understand really want to stick around. Apparently because humans are social creatures, we're supposed to want to be social all the time.

wow, great observation, I have never thought of it in this way. I definitely dont want to be social all the time. At times I feel I can be very social and others very unsocial I guess this can be a turn off to perspective friends. I dont care, I am who I am....I dont feel I need to push friendships with anybody I'm just being who I am and the friends I need to meet will cross my path this is what I figure.

[Miss Information]

I just came back to edit my other post but add something different too.

Not only do I realize my potential to alienate other people, but I have advanced kids (one who is probably 2E), so I have to be extremely careful how I phrase things about other parents. I always have to be on my toes and watch what I say, because even now, in first grade, dd is being pulled out for reading enrichment, and in talking with other parents about the kids homework assignments/reading abilities, etc, I notice dd is far different than other kids her age.

I have absolutely no one around who's kids are advanced. I can't talk to anyone about any questions I have without worrying I'm going to alienate them.

It's hard not only to downplay your child's abilities only to make someone else feel better, but to not have anyone to ask when you have real questions.

Partly I don't mind alienating some people, so that I don't have to talk about my kids abilities especially when there are wide differences. I wish I did have parents whose kids did excel, that way I wouldn't be worried about how I come across, and can help guide the way.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Oh, and my puns don't help me make friends either.

I love puns. One of my best friends used to trade bad puns with me to make annoying people go away when they were bugging us at work.


To a pp: tact is for weenies.

[Laggie]

DreamsInDigital, I think I have the same problem as you. Actually I seem to have an uncanny knack for picking out the one thing that shouldn't be said... Often managing to seriously insult people or at least pick on their one sensitive spot... and then I don't even realize it until much, much later.

Then I obsess about how I stuck my foot in my mouth.

anyway. Can we all be tactless here together? Did you find a cure for that mole/wart/lice/impotence/infertility problem yet?

[EXOLAX]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I often get accused of trying to cause trouble when all I'm really trying to do is learn. I ask why and the other person thinks I'm judging/questioning their opinion. That gets really frustrating.

I am so into self alienation that 1) I put something in my original post that was against policy and needed to be edited (sorry!) and 2) I changed my name.

MD - I get this way too much for my liking. I've been accused many times on the playground of trying to start arguments. At first it baffled me, but I've established that some people just don't like to be questioned. FTR, when I ask "Why" or "Ok, you read that off the internet. What is this Dr's background and his specialty? Did he have studies cited for reference?" My questions are purely for information gathering purposes. I really want to know the cited studies because I want to read them. I genuinely want to know the Dr's background so I can put it all into perspective. But, I am direct and there are times when I am just too tired to put up the social front and play those little games to make sure everyone else feels good about my questioning.

People have a tendency to interpret the words of others through their own internal filter. It's pretty evident why passive-aggressive people and I don't get along. I can ask a serious, straight forward question and they will assume I too am being passive-aggressive (even w/o any realization that they themselves are). We tend to believe that everyone else thinks like we ourselves do. Many people are constantly looking for the hidden meaning in our words even when there are none, hence the accusations of being argumentative. It's a big tip off for me. That, and I really don't think many people enjoy being questioned. They like to appear to be the ultimate resource on a subject and when forced to say "I don't know" it blows their cover. (FWIW, being afraid to say "I don't know" is a huge pet-peeve of mine.)

All that said, I have chosen to live my life taking everyone at their word (because that's how I communicate). I recently offended another mother at a gathering with a sarcastic comment I made in humor. Now, when my DH heard me tell the story he laughed hysterically. Most of my friends would have found it quite funny but one mom totally did not pick up on the sarcasm and 10 minutes later started playing the passive-aggressive game with me. I immediately knew what was going on but decided to let it go (the mom already had unvoiced issues with me). Then the talk started... mom's started telling me how upset she was with me and she was chatting it up with some mutual friends. The next time I saw her I said "Hey, so I made a comment that was supposed to be funny. I know I have a sarcastic sense of humor but no offense was intended." First off, I could tell how absolutely uncomfortable she was, secondly she informed me that she didn't even know what I talking about and that there were no worries as she was not easily offended. "Great" I said, damage control done, moving on. So, I did my little part, but it doesn't change the fact that she is still offended and I make her even _more_ uncomfortable now. But hey, I can only go off of her word. I'm not willing to put any more effort into. She can say whatever she wants to anyone else but I choose to go off what she says to me. The feeling is mutual anyway.

Saddly, this type of thing happens to me way too often. Once I offended a whole group of mom's because strangers were talking loudly about how annoying the childrens diapers were, seriously (ugh, have I said how much I despise passive-aggressive communication?). I walked right over to them and started chatting with them "Hey, I was hearing how annoyed you are. Let me know what the issue is so I can address it for you.". Of course "there was no issue, the kids were all fine and really cute". But my actions definitely made everyone on both sides very uncomfortable. I honestly believe some people enjoy the drama.

So I do use my own communication style as a basis for interpreting others. I'll be honest with you, and I will assume that you are being honest with me. I don't have any control over your interpretation and have zero intentions on attempting to dissect what people are really trying to say. With that though I have to recognize that each of us has our own internal filter and I have to gauge if effort on my part is worth the relationship.

[EXOLAX]

Originally Posted by Laggie

DreamsInDigital, I think I have the same problem as you. Actually I seem to have an uncanny knack for picking out the one thing that shouldn't be said... Often managing to seriously insult people or at least pick on their one sensitive spot... and then I don't even realize it until much, much later.

Then I obsess about how I stuck my foot in my mouth.

anyway. Can we all be tactless here together? Did you find a cure for that mole/wart/lice/impotence/infertility problem yet?

:

I'm still working on not getting obsessive about the times I may have inadvertently offended someone. I still get hung up on it, even though I may not even like the people. I am the person though who will call you later and say "Hey, so that's not what I was trying to convey". My friends really like it, other people, well, not so much... see my post above.

And no, we're enjoying the impotence, see the infertility as a statement on our parenting, we're feeding the lice in hopes our dog will the enjoy the protein, we're intentionally spreading the warts because we enjoy the attention they get us, and the moles, well, let them dig up the yard... hopefully it will mean less yard work for us.

[EXOLAX]

Awww shucks!

I wish we were normal, oh how wonderful would the world be if everyone dropped the P-A BS.

I'm laughing right now remembering a time I was at a party in a room filled with people. I don't remember the context but I said "I really don't like people, they annoy me". It stopped all conversations dead in their tracks. Thankfully a friend of mine was there and said "You know, coming from you that makes perfect sense. Not many people could say that at a social gathering and get away with it". I'm not sure that I actually did, but the fact that one person in the room saw the humor (and reality) in it gave me hope. FWIW I'm not an easy person to live with. That's probably why I live with someone else who is sarcastic, direct and anti-P-A.

[Miss Information]

Exolax - I'm quoting parts of what you said. Those parts are bolded.


Many people are constantly looking for the hidden meaning in our words even when there are none


1. I'm going to add that people constantly look for the hidden meaning in or completely misinterpret our facial expressions too. It turns out that the neighbor said she saw me roll my eyes. She interpreted it as being snarky about her son getting into trouble again. But if I did that, and I honestly don't remember that I did, but it would have been for her initial anger, not her son's issues.

2. I have an older sister who chronically makes disgusted facial expressions when I say weird things or have weird beliefs. It can cause a huge defensive posture in me in 3 seconds flat. So I totally get how facial expressions can speak volumes.

I really wish neighbor would have done more explaining. This could have been totally avoided if she would have explained/apologized for snapping at my dd in the first place.

I honestly believe some people enjoy the drama.

Not just enjoy it, but THRIVE on it.


I don't have any control over your interpretation and have zero intentions on attempting to dissect what people are really trying to say. With that though I have to recognize that each of us has our own internal filter and I have to gauge if effort on my part is worth the relationship.

This sounds like really, really good wisdom. Always assume positive intent. It's much less likely to cause negative responses. However, that's easier said than done sometimes.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by EXOLAX

I am so into self alienation that 1) I put something in my original post that was against policy and needed to be edited (sorry!) and 2) I changed my name.

MD - I get this way too much for my liking. I've been accused many times on the playground of trying to start arguments. At first it baffled me, but I've established that some people just don't like to be questioned. FTR, when I ask "Why" or "Ok, you read that off the internet. What is this Dr's background and his specialty? Did he have studies cited for reference?" My questions are purely for information gathering purposes. I really want to know the cited studies because I want to read them. I genuinely want to know the Dr's background so I can put it all into perspective. But, I am direct and there are times when I am just too tired to put up the social front and play those little games to make sure everyone else feels good about my questioning.

People have a tendency to interpret the words of others through their own internal filter. It's pretty evident why passive-aggressive people and I don't get along. I can ask a serious, straight forward question and they will assume I too am being passive-aggressive (even w/o any realization that they themselves are). We tend to believe that everyone else thinks like we ourselves do. Many people are constantly looking for the hidden meaning in our words even when there are none, hence the accusations of being argumentative. It's a big tip off for me. That, and I really don't think many people enjoy being questioned. They like to appear to be the ultimate resource on a subject and when forced to say "I don't know" it blows their cover. (FWIW, being afraid to say "I don't know" is a huge pet-peeve of mine.)

All that said, I have chosen to live my life taking everyone at their word (because that's how I communicate). I recently offended another mother at a gathering with a sarcastic comment I made in humor. Now, when my DH heard me tell the story he laughed hysterically. Most of my friends would have found it quite funny but one mom totally did not pick up on the sarcasm and 10 minutes later started playing the passive-aggressive game with me. I immediately knew what was going on but decided to let it go (the mom already had unvoiced issues with me). Then the talk started... mom's started telling me how upset she was with me and she was chatting it up with some mutual friends. The next time I saw her I said "Hey, so I made a comment that was supposed to be funny. I know I have a sarcastic sense of humor but no offense was intended." First off, I could tell how absolutely uncomfortable she was, secondly she informed me that she didn't even know what I talking about and that there were no worries as she was not easily offended. "Great" I said, damage control done, moving on. So, I did my little part, but it doesn't change the fact that she is still offended and I make her even _more_ uncomfortable now. But hey, I can only go off of her word. I'm not willing to put any more effort into. She can say whatever she wants to anyone else but I choose to go off what she says to me. The feeling is mutual anyway.

Saddly, this type of thing happens to me way too often. Once I offended a whole group of mom's because strangers were talking loudly about how annoying the childrens diapers were, seriously (ugh, have I said how much I despise passive-aggressive communication?). I walked right over to them and started chatting with them "Hey, I was hearing how annoyed you are. Let me know what the issue is so I can address it for you.". Of course "there was no issue, the kids were all fine and really cute". But my actions definitely made everyone on both sides very uncomfortable. I honestly believe some people enjoy the drama.

So I do use my own communication style as a basis for interpreting others. I'll be honest with you, and I will assume that you are being honest with me. I don't have any control over your interpretation and have zero intentions on attempting to dissect what people are really trying to say. With that though I have to recognize that each of us has our own internal filter and I have to gauge if effort on my part is worth the relationship.

I have a very sarcastic sense of humour too, sometimes it seems like the only person who gets it at all is one friend who's probably more sarcastic then me.

Miss Information: That thing with facial expressions is the reason I don't make many of them. Only when I want the other person to read further into what I'm saying.

[CorasMama]

I told my dad the other day that I'm going to start his eulogy, "My favorite trait that I get from my father is misanthropy."

I alienate people with my know-it-all-ness (I'm sorry I have a big vocabulary and research stuff) and my lack of social graces (moved around constantly as a kid, so I was always the new kid.) I don't really "get" other people. I'm kinda dense.

And They Might Be Giants is my all-time favorite group (duo). I love, love, love them. And I now have I, Palindrome, I going through my head for the next 2 days. Thank you!

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

"Colourless green ideas sleep furiously."

Someone's been reading Noam Chomsky I am so in love with him. So is DH.

Well I've been lurking in this tribe a bit as well as in the "No Friend Lonely Mamas" thread. Seems I fit the bill to join both (except I'm not a mama yet).

I think it's really hard for people who are passionate and informed about issues to get along in the world today. I was saying in the No Friend Lonely Mamas thread that I often feel like I'm "schooling" people when really, I'd just like to have an intelligent discussion with other people who are knowledgeable about the same things. This is often, apparently, asking too much. It seems intelligence has gone out of style and if one wants to talk about anything that matters or express an opinion one feels strongly about it's just too much of a "bummer".

I've found I have to search hard for people to relate to on a certain level and am thankful I've found dh. I think as much as others feel alienated by me, I largely feel wholly alienated by our society at large. Most of the time I'm an outsider looking in with an expression of absolute horror. It makes it extra nice though, once in while, to find like-minded souls.

[MountainMamaGC]

Originally Posted by expat-mama

Someone's been reading Noam Chomsky I am so in love with him. So is DH.

Well I've been lurking in this tribe a bit as well as in the "No Friend Lonely Mamas" thread. Seems I fit the bill to join both (except I'm not a mama yet).

I think it's really hard for people who are passionate and informed about issues to get along in the world today. I was saying in the No Friend Lonely Mamas thread that I often feel like I'm "schooling" people when really, I'd just like to have an intelligent discussion with other people who are knowledgeable about the same things. This is often, apparently, asking too much. It seems intelligence has gone out of style and if one wants to talk about anything that matters or express an opinion one feels strongly about it's just too much of a "bummer".

I've found I have to search hard for people to relate to on a certain level and am thankful I've found dh. I think as much as others feel alienated by me, I largely feel wholly alienated by our society at large. Most of the time I'm an outsider looking in with an expression of absolute horror. It makes it extra nice though, once in while, to find like-minded souls.

I really couldnt have said it better myself. Well mostly because i cant explain myself that well. Thats totally how i feel with the schooling thing. I like to have intellectual conversations with people but if its not mainstream opinion then i appear to be a nut. Sometimes i wanna shake people and say WAKE UP!, but that wouldnt help what i am trying to get across.

[DreamsInDigital]

I've been really driving myself crazy lately. I'm way too empathetic and other people's problems and struggles and difficulties affect me more than they seem to affect other people. And so I try to express that caring and empathy and desire to help and I come off as a crazy person! I don't get it!

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by expat-mama

Someone's been reading Noam Chomsky I am so in love with him. So is DH.

Well I've been lurking in this tribe a bit as well as in the "No Friend Lonely Mamas" thread. Seems I fit the bill to join both (except I'm not a mama yet).

I think it's really hard for people who are passionate and informed about issues to get along in the world today. I was saying in the No Friend Lonely Mamas thread that I often feel like I'm "schooling" people when really, I'd just like to have an intelligent discussion with other people who are knowledgeable about the same things. This is often, apparently, asking too much. It seems intelligence has gone out of style and if one wants to talk about anything that matters or express an opinion one feels strongly about it's just too much of a "bummer".

I've found I have to search hard for people to relate to on a certain level and am thankful I've found dh. I think as much as others feel alienated by me, I largely feel wholly alienated by our society at large. Most of the time I'm an outsider looking in with an expression of absolute horror. It makes it extra nice though, once in while, to find like-minded souls.

I've been waiting for someone to get that! Though in all honesty I've not actually read Noam Chomsky, I just know the sentence and a few other small things.

I understand about feeling like your schooling people. Outside of my family and close friends, I find myself having to explain what I say, then explain the explination. It can be really difficult when they need me to explain in terms that are too simple for me, because of course you can't get all the information into a simple explination and to me, all the information is pertinant to the situation. I have a hard time being able to, or even wanting to, focus soely on the key points. I want to get down and dirty with the nitpickey stuff!