Originally Posted by xaloxe
Me! Me! Me! Can I join?
I saw this thread and said to myself "Oh yea...". Interestingly enough I recognize some of the posters here and I only visit a few forums.
Apparently I alienate people without even trying. I have learned that my personality type is in direct opposition to some others. I am direct, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I do not handle overt exclusionary behavior well and I have a strong reaction to statements of judgment stated as fact. I love to discuss, research, debate. I do not have social phobias of any kind and have been know to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Many times I am accused of being argumentative because I ask "why, how, or what information do you have to back that up?" kind of statements. I am a critical thinker and a skeptic. I have been told that I am intimidating and mom-friends (YK, the relationship based solely around the kids) tell me they don't like to discuss things with me because I have too much information on different subjects.
It's pretty much a given that if someone is passive-aggressive we won't get along, if they also happen to be a judgmental or insecure mother then it seems I will most likely become their nemesis. (We're back on the playground here....)
Can I join? DH and I have a few close friends who all happen to be similar in personality to us, some with even less social grace.
I long for the day I meet another mom who doesn't assume my knowledge on any subject isn't a judgment against their choices.
Oh, yeah definitely!!!!!
You sound a lot like me, actually. I don't know about you though, but I do feel very hurt when a friendship goes sour because of some really fundamental differences (like parenting style differences in this last instance).
I research quite a bit and try to share some of what I know. But, at the same time, I've come to realize that there are some people who don't want to try on a new way of doing things.
They'd rather, in fact, stick to the "old ways" (the outdated, the unsupported or outright provent to be bad for you) and will blindly trust their doctor, their mother/father, their siblings, their other friends (because it worked for them, of course) or anyone else without actually discovering that really, the old ways really aren't always the best ways.
Now, in some cases the old ways are better (like eating unprocessed foods, like using natural remedies first, letting the body build up natural defenses before rushing for the antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle). But, generally when new information proves to be better, then I'm going with the new information.
Oh, and that being said, I am sensitive to personal choices such as breastfeeding/formula feeding (I could only partially bf my first two do to low milk supply and having to return to work because dh was laid off). I do what I can to inform, but if someone decides they don't want to bf, I back off of it. But I do know that I was really intense for a while when my SIL wanted to try bf, and she was having difficulties. I sent her a whole slew of information, but in the end, she felt I was overwhelming her with tips, and it really came down to the fact that it was really too hard for her not to be able to schedule her infant. She snapped at me and said she'd figure it out on her own, and then she ended up formula feeding after 2 months.
But it's precisely the reason that I ended up being too intense for her and for my sister that I decided I'm not ever going to want to be an IBCLC. I was only trying to help, and I got snapped at for it by both of them over different things.
It's the same thing with regards to parenting. Many people just want to spank or use time out. I have found first hand that it doesn't work with my highly sensitive dd2 (and I tried both), then researched the heck out of why it doesn't work for some children like her. So I don't do them. I try to set up the kids for success in the first place so that I don't have to. It's a work in progress though, because at 5, my sensitive dd still needs to be worked closely with.
It is so surprising how little people really want to be enlightened.