Homebirthers without the support of relatives (or if you just didn't tell them)- how soon after... - Page 2

[angelpie545]

Honestly? It's not your obligation to tell them where you had your baby, or when you have your baby. Under the umbrella of CPS threats, I would not tell them a THING. In fact, I'd probably wait a couple of weeks before even telling them the baby is here, and play it off like you had him/her in the hospital. CPS can be absolutely brutal to homebirthers even if they have no legal footing. I would do everything in my power to avoid that mess if I were you.

[cathicog]

:
We waited til our daughter was several hours old before telling anyone who wasn't there. And the only people that were there were in the other room, and supportive.

[sambelina]

"Mom, Dad! I wasn't worried because I knew that I always have you two if there's a problem. *Bat eyes* Don't you want the honor of doing the first newborn exam? *Bat eyes*" (I'm a little passive aggressive though, so you may not like that approach)

[leavemealone]

I don't know how soon we are going to call our family. I guess part of it depends on when the baby is born. If the baby comes in the middle of the night, I am not going suggest waking family up - I think they can wait until at least early the next morning (probably about 7am). If the baby comes during the day, maybe we'll call them sooner. We don't have family in the area so we don't really have to worry about people 'dropping by'. However, even though DHs family lives about four hours away, that didn't stop some of them from stopping by the hospital unannouced (an uninvited!) in the 24 hours after my c-section.

However, my MW does not suggest calling right away. She strongly urges parents to spend some time with each other and other children before involving extended family. I would like to wait a couple hours before telling people. I also don't plan on telling people that he/she was a homebirth unless they ask. I don't think some of them would even think to ask where the baby was born.

[ryansma]

My mil was not supportive when we said we were going to homebirth with ds1. She even went as far as writing dh a big email about it and telling me I was were being selfish. My labor with ds1 was very very long and ended in transfer. Her and fil drove down here (they live an hour away) uninvited. Dh had made the mistake of telling them I was in labor the day before and they wanted to be close when ds was born. They called AGAIN on their way that morning saying they were heading to a nearby restaurant and dh told them we were transfering so they ended up being at the hospital. I was so upset at transfering anyway and having her there made it even worse. She plopped herself down in my room like she was meant to be there. It was really hard for me to forgive her for that. I was very hurt and so very protective of myself this time around. We didn't talk at all about the fact that we would plan a hb again but they knew it. I told dh we would not be calling her while I was in labor and we didn't. We called them about 2 hours after ds2 was born peacefully at home They live an hour away so they were here about 4 hours after he was born.


The positive side is that they were really excited for us that everything went better this time and I would venture to say they are a more educated and less frightened by homebirth because they saw in both my sons' births that it can be done safely. I am glad that I could let it go that mil was less than kind the first time around. I know she was only concerend but concerned because she was ignorant about hb and influenced by her medical (works in a hospital) background. Instead of holding a grudge we took the position of educators and it served us/and them well.

[east carolina]

My immediate family on my side (as in my mom and three aunts) are all very against homebirth and though they certainly would never call CPS on me, I still won't be telling them that i want a homebirth.

I don't think lying is the way to go though. Lies are have ugly energy and you'll also never know when the truth shall out, so it's better to avoid them. Not telling the whole truth and omitting details is another thing, though

What I'm planning to do is tell them that I'm seeing an a midwife as well an ob for prenatal care. Then I'll call them after the birth and if if was a homebirth I'd just tell them that I called my midwife who came over and checked me and stayed with us wile we birthed at home and that everything was safe and fine. At that point they couldn't say anything but that they personally won't have risked it and that I'm lucky that nothing went wrong, but I will have avoided any possible negativity and worrying on their part if they knew ahead of my plans.

But then, like I said, they would never call CPS on me, so perhaps my answer would be different if that were the case. Still, I don't think I would lie, I just wouldn't tell the whole truth and call them many hours/days after the birth when you feel up to talking to them/having them over.

[Rockies5]

I didn't mention it before the birth (even with the UC's) but right afterward wasn't shy or secretive about it. I may not have mentined the UC-aspect for awhile to some members, simply for THEIR own good (old people with heart conditions, honestly or I was sure they would worry themselves sick).

goodluck with you decisions.

[PookieMom]

Could or would CPS do anything anyway? Just curious.

[langdonslady]

You do whatever you need to to keep people from infringing on your birth, and more power to you. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, and if deception is the surest method to make sure your birth isn't compromised, I say do it. Much easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission, if they found out later. And besides, you need more time alone with your baby and DH without people tramping about, than one would think. If I have another homebirth (that is to say if I get pg again) I will probably not let anyone come the first week.