C-section mamas

[joshs_girl]

I thought maybe we could use a support thread for those of us who had c-sections (and I hope this isn't a UAV.)

How's your healing going? How do you feel about your birth experience?

Physically, I'm doing okay. I felt much more normal today, which is really nice. Mentally though, I still cry daily about my experience. I think it's going to take a lot of time to really heal from it.

[elisheva]

www.ican-online.org has forums now with lots of support. I've been there and I KNOW exactly what you mean. Take time to grieve. It may take a while. More s.

[Alcyone]

I feel better than I'd have expected to about the experience. I don't regret any of my decisions and I think it pretty much had to happen the way it did. It was frustrating the first few days since I had to think so much about my own recovery and it didn't leave as much time for dd as I wanted. It's better every day and dh has been amazing though.

I think the hardest thing for me is thinking about the next baby. I was looking forward to this birthing and it ended up not being pleasant. Even though I know it's not likely to happen again (the dr. even said a VBAC would likely be no issue without my even asking!) the thought of possibly doing it again scares me.

[joshs_girl]

Lorry - I feel the same way. I was so confident in my abilities that this has left me feeling really crushed and I'm not even sure that I want to try again.

How's your recovery going? Are you on any pain meds?

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by elisheva

www.ican-online.org has forums now with lots of support. I've been there and I KNOW exactly what you mean. Take time to grieve. It may take a while. More s.

THIS is a great support system. I found a lot of research there when planning my vba2cs.

Hang in there mammas. You are recovering from major surgery. Try to take care of yourself and find a support system that will help take care of YOU and your LO. So many ppl expect mothers to get up and go right after a c/s and that is just not a healthy way to to recover. Try not to push yourself too hard.

Good luck and I hope all of you begin to feel better, physically and emotionally, very very soon.

[Montse]

I joined the ICAN of North Texas group and so far, it's been very supportive. I'm still pregnant but may have to go for a c-section on Wednesday. At this point, I'm almost leaning toward it because I want my baby home with me and I'm sick to death of my health care providers and the stress of waiting to go into labor naturally. Since my midwife has no confidence in my ability to birth my baby, I'm not sure allowing her to assist with my delivery is the most prudent thing.
I would love to know how recovery is going for all of you and if it's impedes time spent with your babies.

[elisheva]

Originally Posted by Montse

I joined the ICAN of North Texas group and so far, it's been very supportive. I'm still pregnant but may have to go for a c-section on Wednesday. At this point, I'm almost leaning toward it because I want my baby home with me and I'm sick to death of my health care providers and the stress of waiting to go into labor naturally. Since my midwife has no confidence in my ability to birth my baby, I'm not sure allowing her to assist with my delivery is the most prudent thing.
I would love to know how recovery is going for all of you and if it's impedes time spent with your babies.

Obviously you have to do what you feel is right, but make sure you understand the consequences. There are lots of women who have difficult recoveries and it makes having a vaginal birth down the road much more difficult in the current climate. I totally understand wanting to have the baby, but sometimes you have to respect baby's wishes about coming when he/she wants to unless there is a good medical indication otherwise.

Hang in there!

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by Montse

I'm still pregnant but may have to go for a c-section on Wednesday. At this point, I'm almost leaning toward it because I want my baby home with me and I'm sick to death of my health care providers and the stress of waiting to go into labor naturally.

believe me, ALL of us who are due in Sept. are sick of the stress of waiting to go into labor. dont let them bully you. this is NOT a club you want to join lightly. i have had to fight this entire pregnancy (almost) to find a HCP who would attend my home birth. i almost had to go UC but finally found someone who was willing to look the other way IRT regulations. VBACs are NOT easy to achieve in some areas (esp. in my area).

i hope all those who have had c/s's recover quickly and experience few, if any, issues....but for anyone who is just tired of being pregnant, please consider that the c/s route will not just affect you and your baby you are having now, but any and all babies in the future. i had my first vbac 2 years ago but basically had to tell the medical professionals here to take a flying leap.

[sarbear]

I'm 5 weeks out from my c-section, so I have had a little more reflection time, but... I really just have not let myself go to the regretful, 'what if' sort of place. I actually had a vaginal birth and a c-section, which is what alot of people refer to as the worst-case scenario type of situation with twins. I don't see it that way though. I think I had the best case scenario in that everything went smoothly- I am healthy and the babies are healthy. That is not always the case, as we all know.

I think if you do feel some mourning over the loss of your birth, it is important to acknowledge those feelings, and then let them go. You don't want to miss one moment of enjoying your little one over something that you cannot change ...

As far as the physical recovery, in my case it got better pretty quickly. By about 2 weeks, I was feeling rather 'normal' again. Coming off of the meds was the worst part. First, the yucky epidural stuff, and then just getting rid of the pain meds all together. I think I stopped taking anything stronger than Ibuprofen about 7 days out. And now, I feel 100% again. I don't think the c-section interfered with bonding or breastfeeding at all. The only thing I was really sad about was that because I was so sore, I couldn't really hold my 2 year old or even cuddle him very closely for a week or so. But as far as the babies, I was able to do everything normally.

[whalemilk]

I feel similarly to Sarbear. I feel that I made the choice to consent to the c-section knowing the risks and benefits and it was not only an appropriate choice but one that I can truly own myself. I also had a really rough recovery from my first birth, which was vaginal and a homebirth, so I harbor no illusions that everything would have been easier and smoother if I'd just been able to do it naturally. It really is a gamble and you never know what you're going to end up with.

I think I would be in a little shock even if I had delivered vaginally simply because my labor was so fast and weird. By the time I had any kind of confirmation that I really was in labor and it wasn't just more prodromal annoyance, I was at 9+ cm. There's no way I could have integrated that quickly enough in active labor to come out anything but shellshocked! Also since I was barely 37 weeks, I was expecting to be pregnant at least another week or so. I'm still kind of shocked when I look and see that my huge belly is missing.

[elisheva]

Originally Posted by sarbear

I think if you do feel some mourning over the loss of your birth, it is important to acknowledge those feelings, and then let them go. You don't want to miss one moment of enjoying your little one over something that you cannot change ...

I don't think you meant this to sound insensitive, but it is a variation on "well, you and baby are healthy, so everything is fine!". Sadly, it's not this simple for lots of women. Maybe it looks differently from your point of view with one babe born vaginally and one by c/s. When you only have the c/s and it's your first baby, you're left wondering if you really CAN birth - after all women have been doing this for thousands of years, right?

I was fortunate to have a VBAC with this baby and it has erased A LOT of doubts for me about my body and its abilities - doubts that arose when I didn't go into labor with ds1 in spite of the fact that I was pumped full of pitocin for 12 hours. It turns out that I wasn't broken, the medpros were just trying to force my body into doing something it wasn't ready for.

If you plan to VBAC, IMO the worst thing you can do is package up your emotions around your c/s and put them on a shelf because nobody wants to see them. Believe me, they all come raging back when you get pregnant even if you've been dealing with them all along. It's a long slow process of healing and learning and understanding and accepting. Understanding why your c/s happened and what, if anything, you can do to help maximize your chances for a VBAC is very therapeutic.

It IS normal to feel disappointed. It is normal to be bewildered about what happened. Other feelings are normal as well. Just don't let anybody pooh-pooh your grieving because they think all that matters is a healthy mom and healthy baby (this definitely matters, but there's more to it!!!).

[sarbear]

Originally Posted by elisheva

It IS normal to feel disappointed. It is normal to be bewildered about what happened. Other feelings are normal as well. Just don't let anybody pooh-pooh your grieving because they think all that matters is a healthy mom and healthy baby (this definitely matters, but there's more to it!!!).

You're right- I also had a vaginal birth with my first, so I truly don't know what it is like to have the experience of a c-section as a first birth. I'm sure that it is extremely disappointing, and I was in no way trying to minimize the loss of that experience.
For my personal c-section experience, the fact that the babies and myself are okay is really all that matters- maybe because it was an emergency c-section (very traumatic by the way- not sure I have fully dealt with all of it yet) and things could have gone very wrong at any point. I realize that for some, it isn't so simple though- definitely did not mean to be insensitive

[Alcyone]

I was on strong pain meds for about 4 days. For the first two, it wasn't enough and they gave me morphine too. Since then I've been taking OTC pills, at first every four hours like clockwork but now just as needed. I'm definitely feeling a lot better but I still get sharp pains at times.

Montse - Make sure you know exactly what you're getting into. What I mean is some hospitals will put baby skin-to-skin as soon as you're stitched up and others will keep you separate for days. Will they let your DP stay with you? How do they perform the surgery? Will VBAC be a possibility? There are some c/s birth plans on MDC you might want to look into.

I've been able to spend plenty of time with DD, but for several days I couldn't do much other than nurse her, and I was limited to nursing her while lying on my back which was uncomfortable for both of us but the only position that didn't cause excrutiating pain. She was with me all the time, but I felt helpless. I couldn't get out of bed to change her diaper. I couldn't sit up far enough to burp her. When I could finally sit in a chair, I still needed assistance to get in and out of it. Consider how long you'll have that kind of help around. My DH is home for 6 weeks, but this is Denmark. I'm pretty sure that's basically unheard of in the US.

[joshs_girl]

Lorry - so lucky to have your DH home for so long!

I haven't had pain meds since the first few days - but my OB was really kind and let us stay in the hospital for five days due to not having power - so by the time I came home, I felt really good. Well, comparatively.

My doula was ahhhh-mazing and fought (and won!) for Marion to be brought to us before the standard one hour recovery was done. She also saw them about to give her a bath and got my husband to ask that they not do it until she was in our room. So we got her skin to skin by about forty five minutes after birth I think. I'm so grateful for that small blessing.

My abdomen is still super, super tender the touch - so I'm going to ask my OB about that today. There's no redness or anything, so I don't think infection and my scar is healing beautifully, but I wasn't expecting this kind of tenderness for this long.

[Montse]

Originally Posted by Alcyone

Montse - Make sure you know exactly what you're getting into. What I mean is some hospitals will put baby skin-to-skin as soon as you're stitched up and others will keep you separate for days. Will they let your DP stay with you? How do they perform the surgery? Will VBAC be a possibility? There are some c/s birth plans on MDC you might want to look into.
My DH is home for 6 weeks, but this is Denmark. I'm pretty sure that's basically unheard of in the US.

Good news is the hospital I'm birthing in is mother/baby friendly and allows skin-to-skin bonding after being stitched up and they also hand baby to dad after they remove her from my uterus. The other bit of good news is I've been having regular contractions; however, my midwife is firmly committed to her belief I can't birth my baby! :
We'll see what happens!
Thank you for your feedback!

[trayls]

Thank you for starting this thread. I went into labor last Wednesday about 1am and continued with back labor until Friday morning sometime. It got to the point that no one could even touch my back, it was so bruised and tender from counterpressure, etc. We tried EVERYTHING to get the baby into a better position, my doula was absolutely incredible.

It finally got to the point that I couldn't take the pain or wouldn't be able be to if I got to the point of pushing.

Long story short, I finally decided on an epidural. Of course blood pressure crashes, so there are meds for that. Than they broke my water. Shortly after, my baby went into distress -- I don't know what happened, I think they lost his heart beat. All of a sudden, I was on my hands and knees and I was rushed off to the OR. Unhelpfully, I started to cry so hard - I kept repeating "he was fine until I let the interventions, he was fine" but no one could understand me, I couldn't get the words out.

He came out and couldn't breath on his own at first, but came around. He was brought to me after a bit and stayed with me after that.

I can't describe the guilt I felt/feel. I couldn't take the back labor anymore, I tried so so hard - my doula and DH, we all tried so hard. I tried so hard to avoid the interventions and I wasn't strong enough and my baby -- he was in trouble.

He is fine now and I am grateful, but I don't feel okay about things. I don't understand what happened. Doctor tried to tell me something like "this baby just didn't fit, maybe the next one will" WHAT??!

I can't write more now. Thanks for letting me get that out. I hope I feel better soon, I hope I can find peace and not let this shame interfere with taking care of my little guy.

[kerilynn]

Just wanted to jump onboard
I am 3 wks and 2 days out from my c-section
I knew from about 18 weeks on that there was a chance (complete previa) of a section
Once the previa resolved, we discovered she was breech
then at 36 weeks at the u/s before the version we found she had a nuchal cord, and was so far engaged my OB couldn't turn her past my bones anyways
I was on morphine the first 18 hours
then I was on percocet for about 4 days, and then ibuprofen until about 9 days out.
I am not taking anything now, but I am still a little tender to the touch from outside. I don't heal well quickly though (low iron, redhead )

I think things are going well though. I am thankful I had plenty of time to prepare mentally for the section, that my good friend was my nurse, and had given me a tour of the OR, recovery room, etc a week beforehand.
I was able to talk to my Dr. about having a double layer stitch done to my uterus to increase my VBAC options, and talk about pain relief options ahead of time.

[Alcyone]

Originally Posted by trayls

I tried so hard to avoid the interventions and I wasn't strong enough and my baby -- he was in trouble.

I never thought I'd get interventions either, but by the time they suggested pitocin I wanted it. I don't know that I feel guilty, but I do feel that I wasn't strong enough and it doesn't leave me with much confidence for doing it again. I almost think that my Hypnobabies made it worse. After weeks of telling myself I was made to do this and that I'd have a beautiful birthing… well, I have a beautiful baby but the birthing sucked!

[joshs_girl]

Originally Posted by trayls

I hope I feel better soon, I hope I can find peace and not let this shame interfere with taking care of my little guy.

Shame is the perfect word to describe it ... I tried not to be all "I am woman - hear me roar" to 99.9% of the people who asked me what my plans for delivery were. I took the, I hope to go natural, I hope to do this kind of laid back approach in hope that I wasn't setting myself up to fail. But it's all I wanted to do - I would have paid money to have had a natural delivery. I just feel like a failure as a woman - not as a mom, not as myself, but just as a basic, I failed at what makes me a woman - the ability to birth a child. And there's a lot of shame in that.

[joshs_girl]

A recovery question - does anyone still feel (particularly) in their lower abs like they got beat up in the stomach? My is just still so tender to the touch.